What to do? Ending LDR to be together seems fuzzy
 

It's probably a long long time to think about, but it's just something that came to my mind. I've been with my bf for 5 years (2 years long distance) since I was 16 (he was 17).

He moved across the country and he ended up joining the Army Reserve. I was supposed to move a year ago like I originally planned when I finished my Associate's...but I never saved money and I felt an Associate's degree wasn't enough. I decided to go back to school and it'll take my another 2 years (my parents are 100% supporting me financially for it). Within my 2 years of school my bf will be busy at language school, and then deployed October 2011 up to 9 months.

When he gets back I should be done with my degree. I want to move, but there is a chance he could be sent to language school for another year again and another deployment. I don't know if I want to move only to be with him a short while, then have him gone and me by myself with no family or friends.

I'm not ready to get married, he's not either...not right now. If we were married I guess it'd make it easier to be together while he's in language school but not the deployment.

Thoughts?

go out and get some strange. you've been together since you were young. go sow some wild oats.

Just do it like every other girl does it: dump the loser army guy because he's inconvenient. You can get laid, he can get laid... everybody is happy.

What's the big deal? Marry him, don't marry him...Jody doesn't care, and after a few beers, you won't either. Honestly, only you know what is best for you, and only he knows what's best for him. You're only 21, you probably have the rest of your life ahead of you. Enjoy your youth before it's taken from you.

I don't see why you can't split and see where you both end up. No sense in wasting your youth waiting around for somebody, when you still don't even know if they're worth it.

I will say one thing for sure though, getting married will definitely not make it any easier.

Well it seems like all the above posters all say that you should just move on, but there are 2 sides.

You can listen to the above, and think about what will happen when you two finally reunite in 2 years or something. Think about what if the time apart actually made you two drift away from each other. Then you'll be regretting that you wasted 2 years waiting on someone who was actually not meant for you.

Then theres the other side where your heart says that he's the one and you'll love him forever and that you two will get married in some odd number of years.

I hate this feeling, its alot easier for a random person to tell you to break up with him than it is for you to actually do it. But you really cant let your heart talk louder than your brain. You gotta have 50/50 harmony and let logic come into play as well. You are young, 21 is a good number, and especially since you're going to go back to school, you're going to be exposed to guys your age who are also pursuing the same path as you are! You'll have more in common, more things to talk about, and more opportunities to meet someone that will be able to stick with you.

Think about it using your head as well as your heart. And its true what plan9 said, its not going to be hard to replace the sex. haha

Off topic, but isn't it a sport among frat boys to screw as many girls-with-military-boyfriends-currently-deployed as possible?

i've never heard of anything like that in my frat. then again, theres almost zero guys who enlist over here.

It should be "but isn't it a sport among frat boys to screw as many girls as possible?". The military boyfriend is just icing on the cake.

And I wonder, what she's doingg....

Quoted for truth.

I don't think it's a sport. I think guys are just naturally slimy: She's hot. I'm gonna **** her. I don't care if she has a bf. Even if said bf is quote unquote risking his life for my security.


That, and college kids are all hormones.

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Shit, I just realized I didn't answer the OP. To answer the OP, you have to decide for yourself if this is what you want, and if you can withstand the distance. The military is tough, very tough on relationships and families, and it will probably get worse. Most current deployments that I hear about are approximately 12-18 months. The last 9 month deployment I heard about was back in 2004 (Of course I could be wrong, but anecdotal evidence indicates that deployments will last more than a year). Can you handle that? If so, all the better, and your relationship will be better for it. If not, don't drag on a sucky thing and leave another service member to get a Dear John while he's got other shit to worry about.

I don't want to be bitter. I don't. I just had a bad personal experience with relationship durability as related to the military. The two women I was serious with during my time in were unwilling to wait. Even the one I was married to decided to clock out. Do this guy a favor and end this thing now on good terms. You're too young to say "I'll be faithful" without it either being a ridiculous lie or being something you regret for the rest of your life.

If the two of you aren't mutually ready to get married, don't get married.