Bullies
 

We all had bullies back in...pretty much always. But I got to thinking today, and I was wondering how other people dealt with the pricks that haunted you every day of school.

Did you do what your mom always said, "just ignore them and they'll go away" or "just smile at them and they won't mess with you anymore." Both were total bullshit, and never worked for me. In theory they should work, but when put to the test they fail miserably.

All through 6th grade in private school I endured massive amounts of bullying. I was too naive to really notice and care, so it didn't really bother me much. 7th-8th I didn't get fucked with for the most part. In high school I wasn't bullied at all, but I was a dick to some people sometimes. I mostly just saw other kids get bullied and got pissed that they were actually saying some of those cruel things, but didn't do anything about it.

I remember one time in particular, I was a junior in high school. I was in the uber long lunch line talking with a kid named Daniel that I had just met that week. He had some kind of issue or was just socially awkward, I don't know for sure, but me and him were talking and some kid came up and told him that he heard Daniel shit his pants at PE. Of course he said no, but I could see that he was hurt by the fuckhead actually asking him that. I too couldn't believe someone would ask that. I didn't do anything about it. I should have told the kid to fuck off or at least said something dickish straight back to him, but I didn't. Kills me to this day.

I'm so gonna beat you up after school... by the bike racks. Be there.

How did I deal with bullies?

Well first I listened to my mom.

When that didn't work I signed up for football, thinking maybe it would earn me enough tough guy points.

When that didn't work I started fighting them and got my ass kicked more times than a few.

When that still wasn't working, I hit the gym, bulked up. Oh, I hit puberty too (it was late onset, I was about 16) I shot up 8 inches and put on about 75 lbs in about a year. I was even accused of taking 'roids by some of my team-mates.

That worked, one bully (whom I'd had a particularly nasty history with) started on me my first day of senior year, and I really hurt him. I was terribly proud of it at the time and the bullying ended there.

Now I think the whole bit was pretty stupid.

I went to school during the whole Columbine paranoia phase where there were like 5 school shootings in five years, so bullying was harshly kept in check in my schools (a threatening statement got you a weeks suspension).
I hung with the emo/goth crowd, and the jocks left us alone anyway

When I was in grades 5 and 6 I was bullied quite a bit.

There was no reason for it other than that I was good sport. I liked to fight back. Problem was, I was OK when I went one on one. I'd still get beat down (I was small) but I always gave a few good shots. The problem was it was rarely one on one. It was usually three on one or more.

I used to stay a school for lunch, while most of the bullies when home for lunch. I was fine for the first half of lunch as we were eating in our classrooms. It was after lunch when they made us go outside that I was vulnerable. The best solution I ever came up with was when my Mom gave me a watch for Christmas. With the watch I was able to leave school grounds (I used to go and hang out at a nearby University Campus) and come back just before school got back in. Simple technology.

Moving schools for grade 7 changed everything and I haven't been bullied since.

In my school there was a guy known for bullying in my year, and later on a girl. She was a real piece of work. Makes me cringe to this day. But she never did anything to me, apart from make snide comments occasionally. To this day I think she must have been mentally disturbed.

The guy was a total asshole and though he had many friends, he also made many enemies. I had a couple of situations with him and always fought back. Once I slapped him and another time I threw a chair at him. I was hardcore! Heh.

But anyway, the bullying stopped the day he messed with a close friend of mine. He was teasing her and being a prick and she'd had just about enough. She was a pretty sporty girl so she was strong, so she grabbed his shirt, pushed him against the wall and told him not to ever mess with her friends again. He tried to fight back but she smacked him around a bit. He started crying.

Needless to say he never bothered any of the girls again, though he continued being a jerk until one day he was finally expelled.

Bullies are insecure people who want to make other people's lives as miserable as their own. If I have kids hopefully they will not have to deal with anything major in that regard, it can really ruin those teenage years. It's hard enough as it is.

My problem was that I didn't deal with the bullying, I shut off my life to avoid it like a turtle pulling up into its shell. I was an ugly, goofy kid and bullied constantly until I finished high school. I didn't fit in anywhere (even the freak kids didn't like me) and I was pretty much excluded from any type of social activity related to school from 6th to 12th grade. Needless to say, the military did a good job of inflating my balls. I truly regret not having said balls while I was in high school, though. I could have done great things with those years... track and cross country, debate team, making eye contact with girls, and not letting a bunch of mouth breathers convince me that I was worthless and better off sitting in a darkened bedroom. I used that alone time to develop the wonderful personality you see in my posts. Maybe this is part of the reason I avoid social networking sites like Facebook... seeing how much better off I am now than those that used to torment me is too bittersweet. They don't know how much I let them hurt me and they don't care because they don't even remember... and even though I'm better than them now, I'll never forget any of it. If there's a win, it isn't a clean one. Eh.

It's incredibly difficult being a teenager if you don't have the support network of strong parents, a close family, and friends that'll listen. Turns out we aren't programmed for greatness; we mimic others. I didn't have those things and it really fucked up my life for a while. Your whole world is this shit sandwich and you don't really wanna take a bite. You are your own best friend when you're a "loser" and "outcast" and a general purpose human dumping ground... and thus you're your own worst enemy. You become so fixated on defending yourself that you miss out on life.

There is no need to fight them if you outsmart them. If certain 'accidents' happen to their family or themselves, they won't have time to bother you.

I'm a really nice guy, but don't F with me. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. :)

Empty threat is empty. Viable threat is illegal. Either way, it sounds suspiciously like Bush Doctrine.

i was never bullied. even though im a social retard people seem to get along with me.

being a quiet person (unless im plastered) may have something to do with it.

where did you go to public school?


Me? no real bullying, some threats because I was a smartass. even a real fight which got me hauled in front of the principal in grade 5.

High school was spent being too busy with multiple activities to worry about who was posturing around the school.

Sounds like someone was rejected or neglected.

The Wikipedia article on sociometric status isn't the greatest, but it gives you an idea: Sociometric status - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sociometric status is part of what's looked at when bullying is examined. Rejected children in particular tend to be bullied. There are two subtypes of rejected children: rejected-aggressive and rejected-withdrawn. One of the biggest factors that contributes to bullying of rejected children is that they consistently misinterpret the social cues given to them by their peers, and they shift blame from themselves to others for their social shortcomings. Additionally, children who are consistently bullied often engage in passive behavior that does nothing to discourage their bully; instead, the bully finds the lack of reaction frustrating and continues the behavior. According to Berk, "[Chronic victims] reinforce perpetrators by giving in to their demands, crying, and assuming defensive postures." Other factors that contribute to victimization include a frail physical appearance, a history of resistant attachment, inhibited temperament, overly controlling child rearing, and an overprotective mother.

So...how do we stop bullying? Well, we think about this question a lot. Bullying is a very hot topic in human development and early childhood education; we would like to stop it before it starts. One of the ways we can do that is by creating environments that discourage bullying by promoting prosocial attitudes and getting young people on board with anti-bullying. One of the major things we need to teach children is that it's okay to intervene if you see someone being bullied. It's okay to to tell an adult. And that is what I would ask you--how many times did you stand by while someone got the snot kicked out of them? Did you do anything about it?

I don't tolerate bullying and I never have. My brother was bullied when we were younger, but he could rely on me to nip it in the bud if I happened to be in the same school as he was. As a youth, I climbed over bus seats to clock a guy who was bullying my brother. Probably not the best response, but my temper got the best of me, and it DID get the bus driver's attention.

I was bullied a bit up until 6th grade. I was an incredibly socially awkward kid.

The bullying stopped for a simple reason: I was 5'3 and 136 pounds in 6th grade, and 6'3 and 185lbs. in 8th grade.

I was a geeky awkward kid, and was unfit, so yeah, I was bullied. I also got on better with older kids than my own age (I had an older brother and sort of "clicked" with his age group)

I wasn't bullied much. My strategy was to get the bully from the years above to paste the bully in my year. I managed to get on the good side of the screaming nutjob brigade several times - I had/have a twisted imaginative mind and used to do things like tell them how to make a still, or give them the recipe for chlorate/sugar explosives, and they'd mess up my tormentors. Morally I look back on it with some horror, but it only lasted a while (a couple of years between "safe junior school" and "being a big tall clever bloke"), and the people that got hurt frankly deserved it.

I grew up in a very low class town in downstate Illinois and of course, I was bullied almost all the time grades 5-7. The reasons? I was fat, bad at sports, had no social skills, and more than likely, because I actually gave a shit about being smart and didn't come from a family of inbred, meth addicted jerkoffs like many of my bullies had. It was strange, most of my bullies didn't fall into the so called "jock" or athletic cliques, but they were more just stupid, inbred white trash degenerates who'd be lucky if they could tell their heads from their asses. Anyway, I tried telling my parents about it, but their best advice was "just ignore them" or "stay away from them" (Yeah, that sure helped stop the bullying! Not....). I tried going to my teachers, but of course, they didn't do a damn thing about it. Aside from one friend, I reacted pretty much by completely isolating myself socially, which set me back even further in the social skills department.

One bully from that period really sticks out in my mind. You see, the school bus I rode on at the time would go from the elementary school I went to over to the high school to pick up the high school students. There was this one kid in my grade who was a complete waste of oxygen, had numerous issues, and for some unknown reason, absolutely hated me and as a result, would harass me all the time. As if that wasn't bad enough, he had a degenerate older brother (who was four years ahead of me, in my sister's grade) who he got to harass and threaten me as well. To be bluntly honest, I really fucking hated this guy simply for the fact that he was a coward, picking on somebody who was smaller and younger than him, and made me dread going on the school bus every day when I was in 6th grade. To this day, I keep an eye out for the guy whenever I go around town or am at work and wouldn't pass up an opportunity to break his fucking face for making my life a living hell back then.

During high school, I was pretty much ignored by everyone, and I had a small group of friends, one of which was a complete douchebag who on occason, was verbally abusive, took advantage of me (meaning that he'd beg me for money, rides, etc.), and was apparently under the impression that just because he'd been stepped on all of his life meant that he could treat other people like shit. In retrospect, I wish I could have been in better shape, gotten into a martial art of some sort, and fought back against some of these assholes back then, but of course, hindsight's always 20/20.

After I graduated, I lost weight, got into better shape, developed my social skills, and now have a pretty decent group of friends, but the scars of bullying still remain, even after many years have passed.

Our social structure and evolution tends to promote bullying in a perverse way. Males are socialised to protect women, children, and the weaker among us. We are, whether we like it or not. With advancing technology eliminating a lot of the natural threats, we've lost a lot of the outlets for the aggression inherent in that socialisation process. So... we end up creating the very thing we're training ourselves to prevent. If I can't slay lions to protect my family/village, I'll push someone else around to release my pent-up aggression. Not condoning it, just explaining it.

For the most part, we get around this through ritualised aggression like games, sports, or other physical activities. Some people (women as well as men) don't find the necessary, or sufficient, release in these pursuits, either through lack of skill or lack or interest. They become bullies.

Bullying exists because of social acceptance. Period. Where the society reacts strongly against the bully, the bullying stops. A group of small individuals, acting in concert, are still bigger than a single bully. It's a microcosm of why we are social animals... there is strength in numbers. Adults appropriately respond to bullying through social strictures, the courts, the police, or even prison. Children may respond in kind, or appeal to parental/adult authority.

I also believe that IMMEDIATE response in kind is NOT INAPPROPRIATE, depending on the circumstance. Resorting to finding an authority may well enable the bully to achieve the satisfaction he craves. The punishment meted out for his action is too far delayed to really impact the behaviour in the future. I have told my children that they not only have a right to stand up to bullying, but that they have an OBLIGATION to do so, particularly if the bullying involves someone else. It's amazing how many bullies don't like to be interrupted in their bullying. It helps that my sons are a 6'1" rugby player and a 6'3" basketball player, but the principle is the same. Stopping the bullying AS IT IS HAPPENING is the best, most effective solution.

Well I was always picked on my this one kid. He was always so mean to me. He would constantly come up with another mean thing to say to me every day. He made Jr High a horrible experiance for me. I also had one of those last names that gave kids the right to say stupid shit to me. But when it came to high school I was one of those kids that belonged to everyone's group. I had to deal with my friends from the popular crowd picking on my friends from the nerdy crowed. The guy I had a crush on since grade school was apart of the nerdy group. We dated on and off but I would get picked on constantly about being with him and that always made me give up on that relationship. If I could go back I would realize that I should not have gave a fuck about what others think of me. It makes me mad that I gave into my more popular friends. Now all the friends I still have are all the nerdy ones because they where always my true friends.

I was no fun to pick on. Usually a quiet guy, when somebody called me a faggot, I said "Yeah, I'm a faggot, what of it?" and stood there waiting. They threatened a fight, I stood there and said "OK". Not many took me up on it, but they didn't usually come back either way. I was smallish but hardened by actually having to work at home and on farms. Violence has always seemed stupid to me anyway.

Yeah, and being the smallest of 6 boys, I already had to fight through them way before I got to school... Kicked their collective ass too. Me, no fun to pick on

Girls used to pick on me, but I later found out that was flirting. Wish I had known that then.

I hope everyone read this because it's pretty damned important. There was a study performed recently on this subject which returned interesting results:
Studies Reveal Why Kids Get Bullied and Rejected | LiveScience

Fortunately, if you recognize warning signs of these problems, there are steps which can be taken to curb them or even prevent them.

1) Ask the child what happened and listen without judgment.

2) Ask the child to identify their mistake. (Often children only know that someone got upset, but don't understand their own role in the outcome.)

3) Help the child identify the cue they missed or mistake they made, by asking something like: "How would you feel if Emma was hogging the tire swing?" Instead of lecturing with the word "should," offer options the child "could" have taken in the moment, such as: "You could have asked Emma to join you or told her you would give her the swing after your turn."

4) Create an imaginary but similar scenario where the child can make the right choice. For example, you could say, "If you were playing with a shovel in the sand box and Aiden wanted to use it, what would you do?"

5) Lastly, give the child "social homework" by asking him to practice this new skill, saying: "Now that you know the importance of sharing, I want to hear about something you share tomorrow."

This post seems alot like me. I too would go with the "I am what you say I am" route. Always worked too. No one ever expects you to defiantly agree with them when they try to fuck with you. Physical violence never solves anything, it's all about throwing someone down with a careful choice of words.

People also don't expect to be called a "cunt" or "nigger faggot" when they try and fuck with you. Yes, I know, it's very offensive. I don't care.

You're assuming that the parents of the bully give a shit. What if they dont? Respectfully, The psychology behind why some kids are bullies is really irrelevant to the nerdy kid getting beat up. Knowing that the guy who makes his life hell has self-esteem issues doesn't mean shit to the kid being targeted.

cow⋅ard  [kou-erd]
–noun
1. a person who lacks courage in facing danger, difficulty, opposition, pain, etc.; a timid or easily intimidated person.

You can't be serious.

Actually, will's suggested intervention works on both sides of the coin.

Bullies and victims alike struggle with a problem called hostile attributional bias, or seeing hostile intent where there is none.

I would also imagine that will's intervention is best used among a younger population, say early childhood, in the interest of correcting hostile attributional bias before it becomes a real problem in the late elementary years/adolescence.

How? I don't see anything in that link that will help a kid deal with getting bullied on a daily basis. The author of the article claims "The number one need of any human is to be liked by other humans" and has a book titled "It's So Much Work to Be Your Friend: Helping the Child with Learning Disabilities Find Social Success". I'm not trying to be dismissive but the purpose of that article and the subsequent advice seems to be to tell the kids getting picked on that it’s their fault and they need to change their behavior so that everyone will like them.

I sort of agree with Walt, and certainly with GreyWolf.
The idea of nipping it in the bud as it happens,
or diffusing it if you see its going to happen
is excellent, best done in a subtle manner,
where no one has to lose face if possible.

I think this is good advice for the would-be victim, too.

I don't recall ever being bullied growing up to be honest. I was friends with most of the kids and generally found common ground with most groups. My friends were kind of a mixed bag of every clique and everyone kind of new me as a friend of a friend and usually left me alone.

What bothers me the most is the whole "boys will be boys" attitude schools often took in bullying cases. As though bullying was just a right of passage to manhood or treating it as though the kid getting bullied was bringing it on himself and needed to shape up. They almost never addressed it and just acted like it didn't exist.

I imagine that attitude must have changed in the post Columbine world...or at least I'd hope. Schools were just really fucked up places when I was kid.

Prevention. If a kid is about to slug another kid, a failure has already occurred (possibly many failures). Bullying is the result of quite a bit going on long before the bully even meets the victim, and not only admitting that but seeking to understand it is the key to solving the problem. We are now discovering why certain children are targeted as victims, and it has a lot to do with social ability. A child being victimized by bullying often is entering into a vicious circle which could be in place for a lifetime. If children can be taught nonverbal communication and social cues, they not only won't be as likely to be targeted, but will also see great improvement in many areas of their lives. That's a big deal.
Blame is entirely irrelevant (and having problems with social cues can be blamed more on parents and teachers than children, if you had to assign blame for whatever reason). I'm not suggesting that the bully is right, or that the victim has some fault or deserves it. What the evidence suggests is that bullying can be prevented if prospective victims can be brought up to speed socially speaking.

We are a social species. Those of us more adept at social interaction have a real advantage across the board. The fact is that one of those advantages would seem to be that you're less likely to be the target of bullying.

We're not just talking about unchecked aggression here, Dude.

I wonder what the city fathers of Carthage would say to that?


As for bullies: I was bullied constantly until I was in HS. You know what stopped it? Violence. Instant, ruthless, unconventional and utterly irresistible violence. "Intervention" and other such nonsense works on people who want it to work. They do not work, will not work, CANNOT work, on a person who uses violence and intimidation as their primary form of amusement and social interaction. Bullies aren't begging to be understood, they aren't looking for a hug, and they don't need "a good talkin' to." They derive pleasure from the pain and suffering they inflict upon their targets, and regard anything less as a nice break from class, after which they return to their habitual pleasures, usually with a extra ration of shit on tap for whomever "snitched" on them.

"Throwing someone down with a careful choice of words" does not work. Period. It just gets your ass kicked harder. Throwing them down the stairs, on the other hand, has considerable effects.

Not all bullies are violent, and some are just out of their minds and can't be fixed or placated. The best we can do is try to teach our kids the social skills to try and resolve conflict without violence, and if it's unavoidable to give as good as you get or better. You can train them to not be victims.

I was the one doing the bullying. I was the jock that won the awards, scored the head cheerleader and threw the parties.

I didn't go out of my way to beat people up or anything, but I'd say shit that would make you look pretty stupid. If that person stepped up, then I'd have to do the whole, "kick your ass so *I* don't look stupid in front of my friends" thing.

High School was pretty good to me. :shrug:

Aaah, your prime.

Oh, but they're completely serious and that's the worst part of this whole thread.

What I meant by "physical violence never solves anything" was that when a couple kids fight each other its not like all the problems instantly go away.

Also, Walt, how am I a coward for going with the "I am..." route? Like Iliftrocks said, if someone would call me a faggot I would say something along the lines of "hell yeah I'm a faggot" and not back down. In no way does that make me a coward. I didn't make myself look like a pussy, I didn't lack courage, I wasn't intimidated, I didn't take the shit I was given. Maybe I should have been more clear on that point before I was ignorantly called a coward.

Mmm, this tactic seems more like half-assed instigation than self-defense. It would seem better to dismiss the taunt than confirm it.

A "yeah, whatever" is probably better than your crazy guy routine. "Hell yeah, I'm a..." only confuses and thus angers the aggressor.

Using this move? I wouldn't say you're a coward, but you certainly sound like a dumbass.

...

One of the big problems with modern bullying is how the touchy-feely Dr. Phil shit has prevented physical altercations so well... so well that it seems most bullies today rely strictly on verbal attacks to make their victims feel like garbage. It's very covert, a low-intensity emotional conflict. There are no shell casings ejected from a mouth, no gunshot wounds on the victims, and no evidence to collect after the damage has been done.

As the only white kid in all-black school, I was bullied mercilessly all through 8th grade. At the time I just sort of hid in a shell, adopting a sort of "i am a rock I am an island" sort of philosophy. it worked, but it also kept me socially isolated my freshman year of highschool, and i kept things distant and superficial for the rest of highschool, but now I've used those experiences to try to better myself. I'm more social now, and at boot camp I saw how much I've improved over the years. there was one kid who was sort of a bully at boot camp, but we pretty much started ignoring him when he cried after getting some shit on his arm.

Bullying, like this thread, says more about the people participating in it than it does about the victim.

That being said, lots of victims love being victimized and happily victimize themselves, too.

:thumbsup:

It wasn't meant to be self defense. So yes, the half assed instigation could be right, but I consider it more of a counter offensive type thing. The people calling me a faggot wouldn't and couldn't say anything else to me after I just shut down their attempt to bully me. I took the bullets out of their gun so to speak. They didn't have anything else to say after that because the first words they say are what they think will be the most hardcore. Maybe it wasn't the best way, but for me it was always the most effective.

"Yeah, whatever" seems a shit ton more cowardly than anything. Whenever I tried that they always kept coming back and starting shit. Always. You can't say "yeah, whatever" without looking like a push over.

"I'm a ______!" < "Yeah, whatever."

How you say it and posture helps, but consider the words.

Heh, I wonder what else you've agreed to over the years.

Well played. And I see where you're coming from, though I think we are approaching this in different ways. You are focusing on early prevention (which I agree with), though I have something of a philosophical problem with asking anyone to modify their behavior so that they will fit in. If a person lacks the ability to be a functioning member of society, then I'm all for teaching them the skills to live a fruitful and productive life. But if they are just kids who are happily doing their own thing, then let them be an individual.

The problem I see with the “early prevention” thing - when focused on the bully - is that it requires the parents to actually give a shit and the bully to be willing to make some sort of behavioral change. Some people are just violent dicks who will go out of their way to fuck up your day. The world is full of such people. That’s why I put less faith in preventative behavioral modification and more in an immediate response to bullying.

When a targeted kid physically stands up to a bully, the bully learns that there are instant and tangible consequences to his actions. Every single bully I've ever met picks on smaller, weaker kids because they don't like opposition. Punch a bully in the mouth, and next time he will look for an easier target. There is always the chance that the bully might win, but it will come at a price. The nerd might lose, but he will walk away with his honor.

Physical violence is physical violence. Insurgents, just like schoolyard bullies, don’t like engage in stand up, bang-it-out fights with someone who can hand them their asses. The insurgents pick “soft” targets. They pick on girls schools and the defenseless local populace. When the American military fights against the insurgents “it’s not like all the other problems instantly go away”. So does that mean we should just pack up shop and go home?

You did take the shit you were given. If you are going to take the moral high road, why don’t you just walk away? You engage in the “Thank you sir, may I have another?” game because you want to feel like you’re standing up for yourself with out actually having to do so. In choosing that course of action, you are sacrificing your honor. It’s the one thing that you own that cannot be taken from you. Honor can only given away. And you, apparently, give it away wholesale. That is my definition of a coward.

I’m curious; where do you draw the line? If someone called you a faggot and your mother a cunt in front of your family, would you agree with them?

It's not as much modifying behavior to fit in as much as it is teaching a child to be more perceptive. Ultimately, it's not changing who the child is at his or her core, it's just adding a skill set that will help them. It's like giving the child piano lessons so he or she will be good at math or teaching conflict resolution so he or she won't get into fights. Reading nonverbal cues, understanding their social meaning, and coming up with options for resolving a social conflict are just skills. Helping a child become skillful at life is a primary role of parenting, imho.
I'm not suggesting that kids shouldn't know how to defend themselves, but the best way to deal with this has to be prevention.

Regarding the bullies themselves, there are likely a host of failures at home and school that have already lead up to the child becoming a bully. Addressing those could fill a hundred threads like this one.

Put like that, I'm on board.

Agreed. BTW, you need to bring back the young Sean avatar. Old Sean looks like he's contemplating the best way to demonstrate the relationship between his pimp hand and Newtons 2nd law to his ex-wife.

I absolutely hate the touchy-feely approach as I find it usually makes the victim of the bullying out to be the bad guy. I hate to say it, but from my own personal experience, the touchy feely bullshit doesn't work and only reinforces the bully's behavior.

An example from my own life: I was bullied mercilessly in middle school. I was a bit awkward and not in the best shape, and it didn't help that I was part of a highly-gifted magnet program that encouraged dog-eat-dog behavior amongst its students. Anyway, one day I came to school to find that my friends had deserted me and that about five or six guys seemed to be at the forefront of harassing me and "putting me down with words." I tried to ignore them, but they kept coming. I tried firing back with words, but to no avail. Hell, even those who would hang out with me behind closed doors would disown me in public. So there I was friendless, depressed, and under way more academic pressure than any twelve-year-old should be under, and what did the school administrators do? Jack shit. They fed me the same lines about non-violence and walking away and ignoring it.

My response was to withdraw which only fed my depression. I contemplated suicide but realized I was too much of a pussy to go through with it which made me even more depressed. Then my depression turned to anger and anger to blinding rage. It ate away at me and I had wild fantasies of enacting the only solution left to me: murdering them. Hell, I was going to murder everyone involved. Mind you, this was in the wake of all of the school shootings by kids in my exact position. Luckily, I told someone one day about my plans and he told the administration.

So the aftermath? I got sent to counselling and therapy and have to bear the mental scars of three horrible years of middle school. What happened to my bullies? Diddly shit. They got off scott-free while I was painted as the bad guy. The school administration failed because they used the touchy-feely crap instead of taking the bullies out back and paddling them senseless. The only thing that will teach a bully is a sound ass-kicking, nothing less. Pain is the best teacher.

Fortunately, high school went a lot better. I started playing football and bulked-up to about 220 and could squat 440 pounds. Also, I was a rather popular fellow around campus with just about every clique, and those with whom I was not popular didn't dare mess with me. To this day though, I remember the faces and names of each of the bullies and for a long time afterward, I knew that should I meet them on the street I would have beaten them to within an inch of their lives. Thank God I've mellowed a bit in the last couple of years.

goossfraba

Hah, I know you, Anon. If you ever feel like PMing me, I've got an interesting story for you.

If you fight the bully and he kicks your ass, even if you get a good hit in, he will still come back for more. He knows that he can take you, so he will. So what that you got him a couple times? He kicked the shit out of you, and now everyone knows that you will lose all the fights your in, inviting more bullying. Military fighting is completely different from the bullying I'm talking about.

To the people that witness me agree with the bully, they might see me as losing my honor, but to me the most effective way of dealing with it was just to "defiantly agree." I didn't feel as if my honor was being given away. I didn't care how anyone else saw it, if I felt good about standing up for myself, then I was happy. To me, I did stand up for myself. To you, it seems I may not have. In the position I was in, I thought that was the best way to go about business. There wasn't one person that constantly bullied me, it was more like isolated incedents with quite a bit of time in between.

No I would not agree with them if that happened. I'd probably get in their face about that, or possibly even hit them right there without hesitation. "Thems is fighting words."

Also, how does everyone here feel about the zero tolerance policy some schools have? In my opinion, I think it screws the victim over and promotes bullying.

NOTE: Any kids out here that found this thread because of Google or whatever, shooting up your school isn't going to do shit (other than make you into the news of the day to distract people from what's really going on in the world). Odds are you won't get to everyone on your list and you won't be defending other kids from bullying. The real kicker is that you won't even feel that satisfaction you think you'll feel when you open fire. In other words, nothing you want it to do will happen and you'll die disappointed in yourself. It will be a complete failure and then you'll die.

If you really went to get out of your rut, you need allies... scratch that, you need objective allies, people that won't just give you blanket support but that can really give you outside insight into what you're going through. This is one reason licensed therapists exist, but if you don't have access, these people can be found elsewhere (parent, clergy, teacher, etc.). You need a social structure in place from which you can draw strength. Fortunately, even if this person or these persons aren't perfect at helping you, just being engaged will help you. On top of this, school is not the only place to make friends for kids. I made a ton of friends doing martial arts when I was a teenager. The same is true of lots of things: sports teams, music, a job, etc. If school isn't a good social outlet, nothing's stopping you from finding another one.

You're never, ever alone. There will always be folks out there who will be willing to help you. If you're ever feeling like your fuse is about to go off or you're at wit's end, PM me and I can put you in contact with someone who can help.

/threadjack

Oh goodness, I wasn't advocating school shootings. No, I meant to show that I had become detached from reality -- if that's the right term -- and felt as if I had no other options left. At the time I was living in a hell inside my own head. Honestly, I'm glad that I was reached in time as I love my life now and I actually pity the kids who used to torment me. I think the real problem in these types of situations is the fact that all too often, school administrators would rather sweep it under the rug than deal with it head-on, but then again, these kids were far more intelligent than average and most came from messed-up families, so I'm not sure how much just talking to them would have helped. I still stand by my assertion that corporal punishment works here and that a good ass-kicking would have corrected them well as most of the kids were cowards.

Of course not. The reason I posted my "note is I realized when I was reading your post people that already have the idea of a school shooting in their head have that idea reinforced whenever they read, hear or see that someone else had the same idea. It can give a fledgeling idea legitimacy. This is an idea which cannot be legitimized.

Will, How would you go about providing some of these resources mentioned above to stop the bullying? It seems that the bureaucracy of the school administration would get in the way of effective counselling and teaching the skill sets to the children?

Parents are always going to be the biggest influence on younger children, so it would make sense to implement teaching the social perceptiveness by helping parents understand the above.

That said, some schools are incredibly adept at teaching things like this. Before getting her doctorate, my mother (licensed psychologist) worked for a local school district with a program called "Second Step" where a trained, licensed psychologist is hired on via grant to work with young children at a school or district to help them develop conflict resolution, impulse control, and empathy training (along with recognizing emotional states through nonverbal cues, which ties directly into the article I posted before). By my understanding, it was a massive success until they ran out of funding. Programs like this pop up all over the US. I get the feeling if they were nationalized, we'd see a massive drop off in bullying.

Either embarrassing them or the fear of embarrassment works too. I would bet the school could implement a policy to have the kid get dressed up in some girly clothes and read a statement in front of the class.

But, I still like the lessons from Scarface and The Sopranos as to how to deal with your enemies.

I'm not anon but I wanna hear it. PM me please!! :)

---------- Post added at 05:42 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:40 PM ----------

WRONG!!

These are school kids. An ass kicking does not a mob hit make.

Oh, and I wasn't bullied. Well, I was but by the teachers. We all had less than 2 hours a week to misbehave so meh ...

What if I did? What the hell does is matter what a jackass like that says? If I was to take offense and throw the first punch, who would be the one in the principal's office? Yep, me. You just let em run their mouths till they are out of steam and if they throw a punch, very unlikely by the way, then start kicking ass, otherwise if they don't start swinging, much more likely, they look like the big pussies that they are. You could start running your mouth and make a physical confrontation much more likely, and you both look like giant jackasses. That, and my dad would have probably kicked my ass for falling for such a pitifully obvious ploy.

Really, someone saying mean things hurts you that much? I'm sorry, but you must be a severely tortured human being.

My philosophy has always been: "Arguing with an idiot is like wrestling with a pig. You both get muddy, and the pig likes it."

Agreeing with whatever the idiot says does two things. It shortens an otherwise tiresome argument, and it confuses the dumbass. It has always worked for me. One way or the other he shuts up, and the fight happens or it doesn't. It usually doesn't.

(crosses eyes, sticks out tongue, makes cock-cuffing motion, barks like a chicken)

Gnarly. This thread has been successful derailed by floating concepts like "honor" and "what's right" and "the law."

We live in a "pussy-ass world" with Zero Tolerance policies, therapy for kids who don't like school, and victim labeling.

As kids, if we're not made bitches by our peers, we're made bitches by the system that we've charged with protecting us.

I think I understand the philosophy of defusing the situation by playing along or agreeing with the bully...but I don't know, sometimes I think you just have to make your stand or nobody is going to respect you. Honestly I can't get down on somebody who does what they need to do to get through the day, but I would think it would just make you feel worse about yourself in the end.

Obviously everyone's experience is unique and everyone handles something like this in their own way, but I think sometimes a broken nose and few swallowed teeth is just what the situation calls for.

If I'm bullying you and you fight back we're both suspended from school and a mark is put on our school record. Just for the sake of pragmatism, it makes sense to tackle the issue of bullying from the prevention side. I'm not saying you should stand there and take the beating, I'm saying steps can be taken before the first punch to prevent the whole situation.

Oh absolutely, I'm thinking more along the line of chronic bullying. One of those scenario where the same kid has been picked on for ages and nobody seems to be doing anything about it. Defusing the one off situation by just walking away from it would be better in most cases.

On the other hand, there is something to be said about being assertive. If people see you as weak and unwilling to defend yourself the bullying itself may escalate because they see you as an easy target. Perhaps a kid standing up for himself the very first time (and taking an unfair punishment in the process) might save himself years of bullying. I guess the way you handle it really it depends in the situation at hand and the dynamics involved more then anything else.

How to Stop a Bully Cold Damn Near Every Time | eHow.com

Then go join a MMA gym, come to think of it, I got the advice to agree with bullies from a MA teacher. He was a pretty cool dude. Wish I could have afforded his classes.

When I was a kid I used biting wit and never backed down. Luckily I could bluff my way out of anything and never once got into a fight. The closest I came was two separate times, but the same thing happened, some punk tried to bully me, I verbally castrated them, they punched me in the face and I just smiled and verbally abused them some more (while moving forward). They never messed with me again. It was like middle school, so one punch didn't even draw blood, so no harm done.

Then in high school when fights got a lot more dangerous and I had to deal with gangs I got into martial arts and learned the "calm deadly stare" which hasn't failed me yet. I was even attacked once, I just stood there, easily blocked every blow effortlessly, was fucking ninja ;P

Not to paint a picture that it was all peaches and cream. I was still really afraid many times through high school that more than one person would seriously jump me. Once I got into martial arts I knew I could take two, maybe 3 if they were dumb, but not an entire group, especially if they pulled a weapon (there were race-gang fights going on.) One of my friends got badly beaten once by one of these gangs, totally at random. So I was bullied, just not directly, if that makes sense.

maybe i'm older than most folks here then, because my highschool didn't have a zero tolerance policy. I also grew up in a really small podunk town of 3,000. I was bullied by alot of kids because of my height. After my freshman year of just dealing with it, the sophomore year got harder.....and a bit more physical. Taunting and name calling escalated to bumping, pushing, and alot of chest thumping antagonizing trying to provoke the first punch so the fist fight could occur. Well one day it did, and I guess that the jocks got a bit more than they were ready for. I wasn't some kick ass martial artist who ended up beating the basketball team, hell, I didn't even beat the guy that was starting it. But by throwing all caution to the wind and not caring that there were 2 teachers already in the gym, I let loose on him. It was enough to gain a bit of respect, in at least enough to stop the bullying. We didn't become best buds or anything, but I never had to deal with their bullying anymore. I learned then, that you stand up for yourself, no matter what and to hell with fighting fair. Most bullies only understand two things....fear and power.

My family nicknamed me bone-rack as a kid so to say I was bullied would be an under statement!

I also went to 3 different public schools and 4 high schools because my mom kept buying new houses before she realized the issue was not the house but the husband and divorced my step father.

Each year meant new bullies being the new skinny kid. In grade nine I transferred to a hilly billy school out in the sticks when my mom went through a farm house crazy. It was scary. But I owe a lot to that hilly billy school. First day of classes in grade nine a kid behind me started flicking my ear and talking trash to me. He was way bigger than me, asking me questions, teasing me and generally being a bully.

I lost it and told him to stop, he said that he would kick my ass after school and everyone in class was cheering and carrying on. Realizing that no teachers would be around after school I decided I might as well fight then and just slugged him in the face. After wrestling and more punches we ended up in the principals office and friends for life!

I did learn a valuable lesson that day that helped with my next 3 high schools. If I stood up to the bully they usually stopped. All talk and no action, but just in case either learn to punch, take a punch or run like hell, all three preferably!

Too this day I realize that most people are more bark than bite, but I'd never fight anyone now unless I was attacked. I am too pretty for prison. Plus words hurt more than a fist can any day.

Now don't most schools have very strict rules for this stuff? I see the commercials on tv all the time. Here is a local one I see all the time.

I wouldnt say I was ever bullied seriously really.

I did get called names sometimes, over my weight, and I reacted at times by laughing it off or just agreeing with whatever insult got thrown my way, and at time with violence or by gettin g upset.

I do remember at age 10 the head mistress of my school called me a "fat slob" in front of the whole school and I got teased quite a bit over it and used to get upset and hit people who called me it until I figured out he best way to stop it was just to shrug and smile and agree I was fat... but I wouldnt call it bullying. One time a group of kids started dancing round me in a circle chanting "fattie, fat slob" and I lost it and threw one of them into a wall and he had to go to hospital.... so that kid might now as a grown up look back and think of me as a bully, I dont know.

When I got to High School I remember on my second day (age 11) a 16 year old tried to take money off me and I hit him but he obviously overpowered me and wound up tying me by my necktie to a fence and hitting me, but he also never tried to take money off me again. I did grass him up and he got in trouble and I also called him a cunt to his face and told him he wouldnt have fuck all off me and he never picked on me again.

By age 14/15 I was 13 stone and I guess people didnt start on me because I was big.

_

Anyway, I guess the best way to deal with bullies is stand up to them. I know its easier said then done though.