Where do I go in life now...?

[Mirth]

(I apologize ahead of time for the length of this thread, and would understand if you hit the back button on your browser now.)

I doubt any of you remember my old thread, but I was in a long-distance relationship with a woman, who finally came down here with her family, and just recently it didn't work out. Previously before her, at 23 years of age, I'd never been with a girl, not even something as little as a kiss or even a date. I fell in love with this girl online - which wasn't intended - but I felt that my pie-chart in life was finally filled; I had a job, no debt, going to college, and what I felt I was missing in life now came into it: someone who cared about me and loved me. I waited about 11 months since I "met" her to finally "meet" her; the distance was hard as hell, I never thought we'd meet or be together and we've gotten into many arguments because of it, but we finally met-met.

After a few meets, things happened that I'd never experienced before: kisses, hugs, and the sexual things that has always filled my curiosity were now felt. But we still argued about them not officially moving yet, them going back 1000 miles away, coming back, going back, it was aggravating. And even before we met, she told me things about her past that she loathed sooo incredibly much, and ever since she told me those things, she became a hard, tough, un-affectionate woman. She wouldn't even say "I love you" anymore to me, so that made things really tough. She eventually dumped me because we'd gotten into so many arguments. I'll admit, some of them may have been my fault entirely; for example, when we had a breakup period that we both thought was final, she met some guy on myspace (but not in person), and 2 weeks later we worked things out and got back together, but it was very unsettling for me to be on her couch with her while this guy is texting her constantly. I didn't mind her having guy friends (90% of her friends are guys), but to still be talking to a guy that she was interested in and him still being interested in her, and they we're going to still meet up in person, was nerve wracking to me.

So anyways, I'm the guy that's always wanted my first girlfriend to eventually be my wife. I've just, always wanted one girl. Maybe because I wanted to be like my parents, maybe because I didn't need the touch of another woman. I'm just not that kind of guy who's needed to have a past where I've screwed 10 different women before I finally decide to settle down. I've already decided to settle down without needing some life-changing experience to tell me that's what I want.

It's not that I waited 24 years to find someone I thought would be "the one", it's that I've always been too shy and not confident enough to approach women or just casually talk to em. I think it mostly has to do with my physical feature: being 5'5 and looking very boyish; I get mistaken for being 16 ALL. THE. TIME. I feel women don't want a boy, they want a man. And I know, some of you will say "You're defined as a man by who you are, not your physical features", and I agree with that, but women don't "see" that initially, and even if they did, they'd be stuck with the guy who looks like a boy. I really doubt any of the women members here could say with a straight face that they wouldn't mind having a husband that looks like he's still a junior in High School. If I could grow a beard it'd help, but I don't get very much facial hair at all, so I can't. Ugh...

And in the other thread, when I was in a break-up period with her, some of you suggested I go on dating sites. I did go to two of them, and no women messaged me, and when I messaged the ones I was interested in, they'd either not reply back at all or tell me they are uninterested in me. It really hurts to keep getting turned down... I've been on there daily since, and both sites show you who's viewed you're profile; I haven't gotten a single new view in a month... And one of the sites allows you to turn on a picture rating feature, so I did just to see where I'm at... Out of 25 votes, my rating was a 3.16 out of 10, making me one of the ugliest guys in the state if I had to guess. Things like these give me absolutely no hope...

And I don't know where to go to "look" for people in person... I work in the morning until the afternoon, and take evening classes at the college, and by the time I get home at 8pm, I'm too exhausted to go out, and even if I weren't, there aren't many places to go to in this town where 90% of the people are over 40, if I had to guess. All the younger people hang out at the bars, but I really don't want a "bar girl", I really don't. And I can't have my friends hook me up with someone, because I have no friends within a 200 mile radius.

I hate my ex now. But I still miss her, and think about her everyday... I think about how we fell in love, I think about how she's the only woman that's ever told me that she's attracted to me. I hate her, but I still love her...

I don't know what to do anymore... Before my ex, even though my pie chart wasn't complete without love, I still kept a smile on my face in hopes that one day I'd find someone; I was pretty optimistic because I knew I was a nice, caring guy that had good intentions for the future, and I felt I can share that with a special someone one day. Now, everyday that I wake up, I don't want to go through with the day. I don't smile anymore. And every night before I go to bed, I tear up a bit, because I know deep down in my heart that I'm going to be alone forever, unless a miracle happens. I just want to be secure with someone, I want to be able to hug her and tell her I love her. I'm so extremely scared of being alone forever....

The only reason why I'm still living is because I could never put my family through the misery of losing me. But the sad part is, that's the only, only, only reason I can think of anymore... I don't "want" to live anymore, but I know I have to, for my family's sake. But I don't know how to be happy anymore...

[girldetective]

Come visit me and we will have a party to put back Mirth, or well talk on the dock.

-or-

See a PhD, if you have the money or even if you dont. Call one up and ask for a referral/sliding fee or call your nearest MH hotline for one. Be sure to see someone who you actually think is helping you.

[Manic_Skafe]

I remember your old threads as I contributed to a few of them and still find it strange that you (by your own admission) have such little life experience and yet you're so convinced of what you think you know. You don't want a bar girl? What the hell does that even mean?

If you knew everything then there wouldn't be much of a point in being alive.

You're so worried about living and dying alone but no one is going to come into your life and make it livable - that's your job. Assume some personal responsibility for your happiness and do something about the way you feel, talking to a professional would be a great place to start. You are the key to your happiness.

Open your mind and go live your life.

[Mirth]

Originally Posted by girldetective

Come visit me and we will have a party to put back Mirth, or well talk on the dock.

-or-

See a PhD, if you have the money or even if you dont. Call one up and ask for a referral/sliding fee or call your nearest MH hotline for one. Be sure to see someone who you actually think is helping you.

Sounds good. PM me your address. (/end-creep)

But yeah, I don't really have the money for that kind of stuff. I'm just looking for some free advice for now, but I will consider it as a very last resort. Thankies for the suggestion.

Originally Posted by Manic_Skafe

I remember your old threads as I contributed to a few of them and still find it strange that you (by your own admission) have such little life experience and yet you're so convinced of what you think you know. You don't want a bar girl? What the hell does that even mean?

If you knew everything then there wouldn't be much of a point in being alive.

You're so worried about living and dying alone but no one is going to come into your life and make it livable - that's your job. Assume some personal responsibility for your happiness and do something about the way you feel, talking to a professional would be a great place to start. You are the key to your happiness.

Open your mind and go live your life.

Ah yes, I recall you replying in the other threads. Thank you again for that. Hmmm, I don't claim to always be right or anything like that, at all, it's just that I don't want to put myself into a bad position that's probably going to turn sour. With the example of the bar girl thing, I don't want to meet a girl at the bar who goes there once or twice a week and she happens to be an alcoholic. Not saying that they all are, definitely not, but if I were to go to the bar once to meet another girl whose going to the bar once like me, how can I tell which people those are? For example, if a girl goes to the library every week, she probably loves to read books, so if I'm looking for a book worm I'll go there, but there occasionally might be the girl that's there just to be there, maybe for one book she needs. So, I put that analogy into the bar perspective. If that makes any sense... I mean, when I went to the bar to play a show with my band, twice, I dunno there were a lot of skanky looking girls. And the girls that didn't "look" skanky had guys all around them anyways. And even being the bass player, none of them talked to me afterwards anyways. Figured that would give them a little bit of an excuse to approach me...

And my ex came into my life, out of the blue from randomly giving me a friend invite on myspace, and in turn gave happiness without any effort on my part really. I guess I got lucky with that, because she did all the approaching, while I just talked to her as myself. And I doubt that will happen again. But you're right, I have to find the happiness for myself this time. I guess I mostly made this thread just to be cheered up, motivated, and any extra advice; anything that will help me from feeling sad.

[Punk.of.Ages]

One failed relationship does not spell lifelong doom for your love-life. Buck up, man. The fact is you will most likely go through a lot of relationships before you garner the experience needed to have a successful, lasting one. That's the way things work.

As far as your appearance goes, if you feel you are unappealing to the ladies, you're probably right. That works the other way around too, though. If you truly are physically displeasing, then you have even more reason to gain some confidence and bring out your traits that are appealing.

Welcome to life, buddy. Try to enjoy the ride. It makes things easier.

[Plan9]

You're calling a papercut a sucking chest wound, bro. Relationships are like this: get some, get some, get some... go again.

You know how you know you were committed and haven't gone over to the dark side of douchebaggery? You let it hurt you that bad.

It's also a clue to how, no offense, naive you were regarding the relationship game. It didn't work. It rarely does. You keep goin'.

Let your experiences shape who you are in a positive way. It's okay to get down on yourself for a minute. Pity parties have a purpose.

I think you need to broaden your horizons. How are you marketing yourself on these dating sites? Like you are in this thread? Bad idea.

When you're ready to move on? Drop this demure dude posture and don't be afraid to faceplant a few times out there. We are what we do.

Check out this for a good laugh: Emo Douchebaggery If nothing else, you'll realize that you're not alone but you can't require others to complete you.

[dippin]

With regards to approaching women, you are in a kind of catch-22: you are anxious and insecure about talking to women, and so you avoid talking to women, but the only thing that will ever make you less anxious about talking to women is, well, talking to them. At some point you are going to have to push through those issues and put yourself out there. You might not like it at first, but eventually you will feel comfortable enough doing it.

And I totally agree with Manic: you should stop placing so much of your happiness and your life on someone else's shoulder. No relationship is going to survive if you start any potential relationship with this "the one" and the "missing part of my life pie chart" crap. Relax and try to learn from the failed relationships.


Finally, that last post of yours bothered me quite a bit. For someone who is so upset about girls not giving you a chance because of appearances, you are pretty quick to judge others based on appearances. You can't ask someone to go beyond your looks and get to know you when you are dismissing girls right away as "skanky looking," or immediately judging them by where they go to.

You can sit on your ass and wait for a girl who is pretty, smart and nice to look past your appearances, your insecurity and your anxiety to initiate things with you and be ok with this enormous burden of making you happy and complete your life.

Or you can go out and start living, giving people and places the chance that you want them to give you. It might be hard, it might require some work, it might even require professional help, but it really is your only reasonable option.

[Cynthetiq]

all your best ideas and best thoughts got you what you got. so here you are asking for advice and parsing it into your best ideas and best thoughts again.

so how are you going to get anything different?

if you keep doing the same thing over again, you'll have the same thing. keep putting in the ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies, and voila, you'll always have chocolate chip cookies, no matter how much you want them to be sugar cookies.

do something different, do something that EVOLVES you, your life, and your point of view. take a chance. the worst thing that happens is you dust yourself off and try again.

[Plan9]

Skanks need love, too.

[Punk.of.Ages]

Skanks need the most love....

Badly.

They make pretty great rebound lays too!

[Xerxys]

Mirth, all advice has been exhausted and I have two options for you ...

Will probably work if you invest your ALL in it.
a) Read all pick up artist sites and completely hate women. I mean, go OUT OF YOUR WAY to demean them and become ultimate douchebag!

b) Stick to this site. I really think your post was written by me two years ago, (albeit better vocabulary and actually makes sense) but you suffer from a severe case of lack of vitamin SEX.

I will echo guccilvr, Dude, YOU. NEED. TO. GET. LAID. REPEATEDLY.

[Nisses]

Summary: dating sucks and I don't like the hurt of being turned down, in fact I've built this hurt up so badly to eternal torture in my own mind, that I never actually did get turned down all that much, it's just that I know it's gonna hurt. So I don't know what else to do.

Solution: keep doing it until you get rid of your "cold water fright". And buck up.

Get laid a few times as suggested, so that you at least know what you are or aren't missing out on.
Then decide if it's worth pursuing, or fill your life with alot of meaningful hobbies & goals. (Alot of time goes into your SO in the end)

[MrFriendly]

:-)

Life, my friend, is full of hurt, heart ache, betrayal, pain, anger, rage, and despair. If we didn't feel those things, we'd never fully appreciate happiness, joy, passion, love and all the other stuff on the other side of the emotional spectrum.

You have to be willing to put yourself out there and in uncomfortable situations to meet new people. We learn and grow from our mistakes as much our successes.

And you know what man, you don't have to go out there just to look for love or to get laid. Seriously, get to know girls. They're awesome people, just like us blokes really. Once you realise that you won't be so scared and put off by them. Just remember man, I bet you any money some nice lass has probably liked the look of you and was too nervous or shy to say anything.

From reading your posts man, you sound like a guy who just needs to get out there and experience life a bit more. You really would be surprised at the wonderful people you can meet at bars, so no more dissing bar girls. Tried going to different bars?

And the chances are you aren't nearly as ugly as you think you are. I'm probably not that ugly, though I've never considered myself good looking at all. So I try to make up for it with a quick wit and off beat humor. Trust me man, women really love I guy that can make them laugh.

So no more of this emo crap about not being able to face another day and tearing up. It's a mind blowing world out there with mind blowing people. Get back on the horse there pal and live life.

[Plan9]

Sometimes when I'm down 'cuz I've just broken up... I strip down to my underwear, tie a towel around my neck... and air guitar this catchy little song:

I Am Crushed

I Am Crushed

Then I get over it and laugh. How hard you hit yourself during the grieving process is important. It's cool... just as long as you're not listening to:

Goodbye Horses

Goodbye Horses

[Anormalguy]

Originally Posted by dippin

...

You can sit on your ass and wait for a girl who is pretty, smart and nice to look past your appearances, your insecurity and your anxiety to initiate things with you and be ok with this enormous burden of making you happy and complete your life.

Or you can go out and start living, giving people and places the chance that you want them to give you. It might be hard, it might require some work, it might even require professional help, but it really is your only reasonable option.

What dippin said.

You need to get out and live. Life is about failure & success, and you're going to have to fail before you can succeed. Don't view every woman you date, or even want to date, as "the one." You need to go through a few realtionships in order to figure out relationships work.

[Halx]

Stop living as if you have all your boxes checked. That's my advice.

[World's King]

You people give the worst advice some times. Not that I have anything better to say. I'm just surprised this site hasn't created a sex offender or serial killer.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by World's King

You people give the worst advice some times. Not that I have anything better to say. I'm just surprised this site hasn't created a sex offender or serial killer.

But we already have you, King.

...

And really? I always figured it was generic Hallmark / Dr. Phil sensitivity training with a little Dennis Leary on top.

I got this pep talk bit when I showed up crying my wittle eyes out. And the Collective We has dispensed the same.

Doesn't appear to coddle guys who end up in TFP Stereotypical Situation #2, but confirms and gently pushes them on.

I found TFP to be extremely helpful in late 2007 when I was dealing with The Worst Pain Any Man Has Ever Felt (TM).

You guys are bastards... but you're fair and offer motivational anecdotes. I figure that's all anybody is entitled to in life.

...

Detailed above was a reference to the OP's other TFP posts where he's laying down that funky jive talk without paying the dues.

...

If he didn't get the Goodbye Horses reference, he needs to spend some time alone with a pile from Netflix. Get some culture.

[Cimarron29414]

My guess is that you believe that every girl you are about to talk to is the future Mrs. Mirth. That's your first mistake. Approach every girl with the belief that "I am about to meet a new friend and nothing more." If your penis happens to end up in her mouth one day and a ring ends up on her finger another day - well that's just a bonus. Sounds to me like you need a life that doesn't involve an LCD screen.

[Mirth]

Thank you all for the replies. From what I've gathered, it seems the general consensus is:

a) I need to not take relationships as serious as I previously have in thinking I may marry the next girl.
b) Need to build my self-confidence and get out there more
c) Not me so judgmental on a woman's appearance.
d) Take chances and get hurt, but get used to it sorta.
e) And just change what I've been doing overall and my views on having what I deemed the perfect life.

The conflicted points I'm seeing is the getting laid part. Some seem to not be all about that, and some seem to think it might help.

But anyways, I read all of the replies that where available at Noon eastern (but did not get the chance to reply), and I've already started making some changes. After reading the replies, I became a bit motivated to make a change, and asked a heavier-set girl that had been messaging me and I've been ignoring on the dating site if she wanted to finally hang out. So we ended up hanging out, was cool at first but all we talked about was sexual things such as boobs and stuff; seemed like the only thing we could talk about. Anyways, we ended up going to an old warehouse I have the key to and we did some sexual stuff, then I got so horny that we had sex (w/condom!). It was disgusting. I don't know what I was thinking. Not only did the sex suck because everytime I went to go in she'd close her legs naturally, but the smell of her vagina-stuff filled the whole room and it was gross. And the worst part is, she enjoyed it and said she can't wait till we do it again. Ugh!!! With that said, it really makes me appreciate how sex was with the ex. I've always been against "experienced" women because it seemed gross, but after last night, I realized how much, much, much greater it was. And not sure if it depends on the person, but she didn't seem to have really "smelt", so going down on her was fun and not gross. Too bad we only had sex twice...

But enough of that, that's over with. Otherwise, I tried a little more different things last night. For example, I randomly friend requested a hot girl that was on my buddy's friend list that he knew in high school, with a silly/creepy personal message telling her straight up, "Hi. You don't know me, but I find you very attractive, hence me sending you this friend request. If it's too creepy, yell at Hank (note: my friend)." Anyways, she accepted my friend's requested and said it wasn't creepy and that life is all about socializing. Not that somethings going to happen with me and her, we live way too far away, but it's just nice in general to have been able to randomly (sorta) approach an attractive woman and have her give me the time of day to even talk back to me.

I also IMed a girl that I hadn't talked to in a year or so, we used to play tennis with my brother and his girlfriend. But she was really happy to chat with me again, and she sent my a myspace friend request. She seems more like the friend type, but I need friends too.

So, I'm hoping little things like these are steps in the right direction. Minus screwing the chick I had no attraction to. Guess I'm learning.

[Manic_Skafe]

Originally Posted by Mirth

It was disgusting. I don't know what I was thinking. Not only did the sex suck because everytime I went to go in she'd close her legs naturally, but the smell of her vagina-stuff filled the whole room and it was gross. And the worst part is, she enjoyed it and said she can't wait till we do it again. Ugh!!! With that said, it really makes me appreciate how sex was with the ex. I've always been against "experienced" women because it seemed gross, but after last night, I realized how much, much, much greater it was. And not sure if it depends on the person, but she didn't seem to have really "smelt", so going down on her was fun and not gross. Too bad we only had sex twice...

...

[Xerxys]

^^ I don't know what to say ... it's like watching a car accident, going back in time, taping it, going home, watching it again and again and again!

Mirth, NO! You can't have sex at a warehouse ... you can't have sex with complete strangers at such volatile conditions given your social anxiety. It has to be at controlled environments. Date, dinner, talking, bumping. Until you have had enough of these, then jump into one night-warehouse-stands.

Some things just have to be said eh?

[Lasereth]

Cheer up bro, some people would love to be in your situation, totally free of anyone but yourself. Go to a speed dating place or something. Everybody is there for the same reason and it's understood: they either want a relationship or want a one night stand. It can't hurt!!!!!!

BTW I look like I'm 16 also even though I'm 25. HIGH FIVE!!!!!!!

[Punk.of.Ages]

Dude....

Nobody told you to take the first thing you saw with a hole to the back alley...

Except maybe me, but you should never, ever, ever listen to me.
____

Find a girl you're actually attracted to and take her to the warehouse.






Take pictures...

[Plan9]

So, basically, this thread is about finding a chick that "tastes great" and is "less filling."

Gotcha.

[MrFriendly]

First of all, ain't nothin wrong with heavier set ladies. I personally love the plus size galls. Infact, It's making me a lil hard thinking about it.

Secondly, it still sounds like you're thinking about things ass backwards. But hey, that's just me dude, at the end of the day you have to work it out for yourself.

Honestly mate, it sounds like you just need to chill out and relax. Sexuality and relationships aren't by the book. Fuck what society implies and what anyone else says. You need to step back, relax, and have a little think about what you actually want.

Screwing randoms or looking for love off the internet is only going to get you so far. I honestly think you should just get out there, the real world, and just try and meet people. Try and make some female friends and get to know them without thinking with your dick or instantly wondering if they're marriage material, it's putting too much pressure on yourself man. In time you'll start to develop the social skills and confidence you need and trust me, men and women will notice that.

But hey, I might just be talking shit, either way man, I think you just need to relax a little.

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by MrFriendly

looking for love off the internet is only going to get you so far.

Hey, stop talking about me while I'm standing here.

[LordEden]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

So, basically, this thread is about finding a chick that "tastes great" and is "less filling."

So.... he is looking for a chick that is like a Miller Light beer?

*rimshot*

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by LordEden

So.... he is looking for a chick that is like a Miller Light beer?

*rimshot*

Eden... why? Dude, you just explained the punchline to my joke and completely ruined it.

[Redlemon]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

Eden... why? Dude, you just explained the punchline to my joke and completely ruined it.

Killing jokes is MY job. C'mon, Eden.

[LordEden]

Originally Posted by Crompsin

Eden... why? Dude, you just explained the punchline to my joke and completely ruined it.

Excuse me if your joke didn't come off it full context to me, it just seemed like your joke fell flat to me, maybe you just left the cap off the beer to long.

[Lasereth]

Originally Posted by lordeden

so.... He is looking for a chick that is like a miller light beer?

*rimshot*

somebody delete this!!!!!!!!!!

[Anormalguy]

Mirth, turn your damn computer off, and socialize with real people in the real world. And by that I don't mean banging girls you don't know in warehouses.

[Poppinjay]

There's a rockabilly song in there somewhere....

Key to the warehouse
workin' at Weyerhouse
take a girl out out
I'm a rock and boppin' louse louse

Warehouse girl
Gave me a warehouse thrill
Put it in the hanger
when I want to bang her
Warehouse girl.....

[Punk.of.Ages]

Originally Posted by MrFriendly

First of all, ain't nothin wrong with heavier set ladies.

You're absolutely right, but if one isn't attracted to fat chicks then one shouldn't sex a fat chick just because she's the first thing that came along and was willing to spread her legs the easiest.

Sex with people you're not attracted to is worthless, it's not enjoyable for anybody, and you're better off whacking it.
______

Heh, LordEden=CaptainObvious...

[Plan9]

This thread seems to counter many other threads where it is recommended that you bang out a few strangers before you proceed to the next partner.

Sexual body count, anyone?

[Punk.of.Ages]

You should be at least slightly attracted to the strangers...

[Xerxys]

It's not about the body count, it's about the number of people you actually are attracted to and have sex with. The difference is a person you are attracted to will actually get respect and effort out of you.

Originally Posted by Poppinjay

There's a rockabilly song in there somewhere....

Key to the warehouse
workin' at Weyerhouse
take a girl out out
I'm a rock and boppin' louse louse

Warehouse girl
Gave me a warehouse thrill
Put it in the hanger
when I want to bang her
Warehouse girl.....

You'z a fuckin' genius Poppinjay!

[remy1492]

I usually never contribute much.

But.

The other guys said a lot of good and true advice.
Open your mind and paths in life. "Bar girls" for instance. Do you go to a bar? What IS a bar girl? You mean the 4.0 med student taking a night out with the dorm girls wearing short skirts? Or the dive bar at the end of town with some 59yr old smoking CabanaChat lady ogling your $20 watch.


I have met many beautiful and smart girls in bars and the internet. And as you found out with that friend request, nothing has to come out of it. Just being friends and networking is enough.

My personal motto is "you get what you shop for" in life. My older brother likes the bombshell blonde big tits hotties. Well, he shops for that and with it, usually comes some materialism and bitchy fakeness. Well, he got that too!

I shop for cute and SMART girls. To do this I hang out in Barnes and Noble, libraries or attend events that attract lifeforms of greater intelligence. I don't waste my time at sporting events or metal band concerts. (there may be a great girl there but I could bet she'd like that stuff and I'd have to listen to it later on).

You should get out and attend things that interest you, for you. And should you meet a girl there........... great.

The next time somebody DISrespects you, like txting another dude in front of you. Speak up. If it still happens, then use those two feet, walk out and stand tall. The only person looking out for you.....................is YOU. Better to be alone than miserable.

And dont give up.
I never give up. I have asked WalMart cashier girls (as I am buying ammo and other sundries) to go out with me. I got shot down so many times I have a paratrooper badge. One girl even asked "are you asking ME out in............. a WALMART?" in that valley girl tone of, only losers shop at walmart (nevermind the obvious).

You have to have that self confidence to know that one day, somebody will say yes. In the meantime, focus on what makes you happy in life and do it, it all goes by too fast if you are busy trying to fill the voids.

There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Oscar Wilde

[Plan9]

Originally Posted by remy1492

I got shot down so many times I have a paratrooper badge.

I've never heard that before now. That's really amusing.