Potty time with the SO
 

Ok. So this has bothered me for awhile, and I'm curious as to other TFPers take.

I want potty time to be private time. I don't want my wife around when I'm doing my business, and I don't want to be around (or hear it) when she does hers.

Yes, I know Girls Poop. Basic biology. But I simply don't want to experience it. My wife doesn't agree...we've talked about this, and she thinks I'm being over-sensitive. I feel it's along the same lines as the old saying 'familiarity breeds contempt'.

I've talked to her about it, and she's changed her habits a little bit. She at least will leave me alone when I'm doing my business, and close the door when I walk in while she's doing hers. Before she would walk in and try to have a conversation with me while I was 'busy', and leave the door wide open while she was occupied.

It also helps that we've moved. The old layout had my side of the bed directly facing the master bathroom door. So...I would go to bed. She would go in the bathroom, leave the door open. Plop. Plop. Plop. The new layout has a bathroom, and a separate door for the 'potty room'. She (usually) will close one door or the other.

Like I said, I had a few talks with her, and while she still thinks I'm being stupid, she's improved from my POV.

The problem is, it's not enough. Usually, I go to bed before her, and she'll come in, leave both doors open, and do her business. Which I get to listen to, even though I'd rather not. My preference would be to close the 'potty room' door, turn on the fan (which will improve the smell situation as well), and do her business in private.

Am I being oversensitive? Should I have another Conversation with her? Or just live with it? It doesn't help that she treats it as if I'm being completely picky and oversensitive.

I think this is a personal choice with no real right or wrong answer...

I have no qualms about anybody seeing me urinate or vice versa. I have no problems being in the same room as my girlfriend when she poos or vice versa. I have a HUGE problem with anybody watching me wipe my ass...

Wiping is a very personal and vulnerable act, in my opinion, and I don't want anybody watching me. I will not ever bend on this.

I know where you're coming from...

This obviously bothers you. You're rational but don't like it. Cool.

Do the conversation or The Conversation. You'll regret it if you don't.

She may not understand that it bothers you and being willing to change it without a firmer stance.

Don't let it grow and fester and become a nightmare of bowl farts and kerplunks.

Tell her that you love her but to keep that shit to herself.

Oversensitive? No!! God NO!!! Jesus himself said this, thou shalt not poop where I can hear/smell it goddammit!!!

She needs jail time for that that is criminal!!

**composes self, breath Xerxys, BREATH!!**

OK, just tell her you are happy for the changes she has made so far and you just need a bit more. I know you've already expressed gratitude for the progress but have her change this because it will get seriously annoying.

...it's time to take her fiber away

...seriously, whoEVER would want to be around this "event"

...i won't even let my dog watch me.

Yeah, this is just one of those things that people have different boundaries about. I won't go into the bathroom if my fiancee is having a poop; and generally she respects my desire to poop in private, although since we only have one bathroom, if I take too long when she needs to pee, sometimes she'll just barge in and pee in the shower.

Peeing, by the way, I have no problem with. She and I cruise in and out of the bathroom when the other is at pee, generally don't even close the door.

I think the only thing that will ease the situation is clear communication about what your boundary needs are. Nobody says that have to be consistent, or rational. Just communicated well.

I am with you on this.

I am OK with peeing in front of each other. It's no big deal. But pooping is out. I don't want to see it and I don't want to be seen (or heard) doing it.

YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK!! SICK!

I'm going to bed now!!

Uh oh!

Somebody mentioned peeing in the shower around Xerxys...

I agree wholeheartedly...

This is one of my only no-no's in life.

When I am in the bathroom, it becomes MY bathroom.

Add me to the "my business is my business" camp. There's nothing pleasant about tightening up mid-loaf because someone couldn't wait 2 minutes to talk to you.

If your wife is treating this as you being oversensitive, perhaps you should make a comparison with something she's oversensitive about.

The bathroom is my fortress of Solitude.

Just get through it best you can. We just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary and I've had to start locking the door to get a little privacy. My wife always wants to come in and talk about different things whilst I'm pounding one out. And it has always been that way. The day after we were married I was shaving and she came in to throw down.

Of course we had to overcome bigger problems to make it a quarter of a century, you can to.

Man we have a red alert here. When I go into the bathroom, the door's locked, fan on, nothing changes until I wash my hands and leave. #1 or #2, it's lockdown until I'm through. What your wife is doing IS gross.

Taking a piss is one thing, but taking a shit is a sacred act that should only be between yourself and the toilet.

I can't understand why she'd even want to be there!

So strange.

This highlights one of the reasons why Hollywood thriller and horror movies always feature a scene in a Bathroom.

I'm in the peeing is ok/pooping is not category.

I don't give a rat's ass who sees me pee or who pees around me. Exs were usually cool with the fact that I'd walk in while they were showering or putting makeup on and I started peeing. They eventually figured out that I didn't care if they peed around me. That said, if my bathroom door is shut, I'm pooping and I want you to stay the fuck out. Hearing someone pooping is one of the few things that will make me sick to my stomach. I don't want people to hear me either. I couldn't handle an SO that wanted to poop around me, she would have to cut that shit out (DUN DUN DUN *High Hat Sound*).

It's all about personal boundaries, everyone has them. She just needs to understand that is one area of your life you don't want to share or want her to share with you.

Plus, I can't properly read my books on my throne with someone in there talking to me. I can't poop, talk, AND read at the same time! That would confuse the shit out of me (I'm full of puns today... shitty puns).

Sign me up for the peeing ok/pooping is NOT ok.

This is private and should remain so.

You being picky, oversensitive or anything else is not the issue. The issue is this is the particular way you feel about this subject and regardless of what she thinks, she needs to respect that and cede to your wishes.

My husband has this ridiculous idea that the garage floor has to be clean. As in clean, mopped, swept, whatever. If I hang out the laundry and some leaves or little pine thingies blow onto the floor, he has a heart attack. I mean it's a garage!

But this is how he feels about the garage floor. So I sweep up any mess I make. I respect how he feels about the garage even though I think it's absolutely ridiculous.

Can I just say, Americans crack me up every time I hear or see you use the word "Poop".

It's like watching a porn film and suddenly one of the participants says "Put your willy in my hoo-ha".

Totally incongrous.

I've seen you people talk about anal sex, death sentances, gun control, bondage, politics, war, death and Star Trek films. Using adult words.

And yet, you have a delightful reticence when it comes to the scatological.

You say "Bathroom", or even more cute "Potty Room". I love that.

So, in answer to the OP - no, I don't want to watch or smell another person having a shit. I can cope with someone pissing, or seeing me piss, but as said above, wiping is certainly sharing the love too much.

Oddly enough, my issue is over FLUSHING. If my wife (or maybe it's my daughter) takes a leak in the night, she doesn't flush (for fear of waking the household, I assume), but to me, I'd rather be woken than risk having a crap, making a splash, and getting someone else's piss on my arse.

I personally don't mind when it comes to peeing. My husband likes the door shut and the fan on and I respect that. So you should certainly talk to her about it, it should not be that big of a deal. And yes wiping is sharing the love too much.

This is totally why having a large bathroom w/ double sinks or multiple shower-equipped bathrooms upstairs is a relationship saver.

I love hearing you Brits use quaint words for poop like "shit". It's so gutteral. Every time I hear it, I think of John Cleese enunciating in with Queen's Own English accent, received and metered out.

poop. poop poop poop...

plop.

:)

Get your butt out of bed and close the doors yourself if you don't want to listen to her doing her business. She likely doesn't realize that she is leaving the door open. Do it often enough with griping/cussing along the way and she'll become aware of her negligence and start closing the door herself.

I prefer alone-time.
Differing opinions on this matter would be a deal-breaker for me.

Though if my husband occasionally needs to take a dump while I'm showering, it doesn't bother me. Sure, the smell isn't too great, but a little pretty-smelling shower gel or shampoo will distract me well enough.

For fuck's sake, Leto, do stop being such a total cunt wont you? :rolleyes:

I agree on the don't want to experience it bit, if possible. There is always going to be that odd time when you hear or smell something. But it's something private and I think you're right to feel put off. Talk to her and make it clear it's not something you are willing to continue dealing with in that manner.

Im with genuinegirly on this. I lived with someone for many years and never experienced his pooing. Now, Tango, he was another story. Being a narcissist he was happy to leave the door open. He wanted everyone to love the smell of his shit as much as he did. Ick.

I really don't care one way or the other.

Funnily enough, my parents have been saying and my 5yo asked why "Poppy closed the bathroom door". Doors in our house are almost never closed, especially because the 5 yo and 3 yo can't reach the door handle yet and they just don't understand privacy yet.

I do! Well... 'usually'. And when I do have to get my ass out of bed to close the door, it's usually a little closer to a 'slam' than a 'close'....

Thanks for all the other comments, too!

@Dan: What is it if not a bathroom o_O? A restroom? I don't know any more 'adult' word to use. "shitroom"? I've never even heard it referenced as such.

The loo, perhaps...

Hoodypoodoodywhompers!

Jesus.

Peeing...I don't think would bother me. Though I've never been in the situation. Shitting...no, that's definitely something that deserves privacy. I think you're very much entitled to feel way.

On a tangent, on the theme of bathroom etiquette, I have a bit of a bathroom issue myself. My gf either does not turn on the fan..or leave it on afterwards. I'd like a little courtesy fan action..especially in a small apartment when there's only 1 bathroom and it opens into the main living area. Is this unreasonable? Is there a polite, unembarassing way to bring this up? I have considered fainting or making choking/gasping noises..but this would not be good for my short term health. :p

*Through the bathroom door* "HEY! Turn the fan on. That smell is violating the sanctity of my nostrils!"

That's how I'd do it, anyway...

I can understand this, although in a small place like that, I think you just have to suck it up and learn how to breathe through your mouth for a bit after your GF has been in the john. We also have a small place, and no fan in the bathroom. Neither of us like artificial air fresheners, and burning matches or candles only does so much. We found a natural air freshener made with citrus oil which helps a litttle, but even when we use it, it still smells like a bagful of fresh oranges took a big shit in our bathroom. There's no getting around it, sometimes you just have to learn to ignore.

:thumbsup: That's what my SO and I do. That's why we have 2 bathrooms.

I would contend that a bathroom should have a bath in it.

The more usual words (in England) are Lavatory, Toilet, Loo. Other words like Shitter, Bog, Can, and so on are descriptive and good. :)


On a side note, a country in which there are generally hardly any feet used in the game of Football doesn't shock me when it calls a room with no bath in it a bathroom.

And before you mention it, I do realise that Lavatory, comes from the latin Lavare and therefore means "Washroom", but I excuse this because anyone who doesn't wash after they shit is really, really gross.

I usually call it a shitter if that makes anyone feel better.

They generally do, or at least a shower. The concept of a home having a room with a toilet separate from a room with a bath/shower is alien on this side of the Atlantic.

I'm with you OP. Just because you love someone intimately doesn't mean you want to see them wipe their ass. Goes for good hygiene too. Just because I love you doesn't mean I want to smell your BO or feel your unbrushed teeth with my tongue.

Tell her to meditate on the saying "You think your shit don't stink" ... its not just for referencing arrogance.

Americans visit my offices reasonably regularly. Often they ask to use the bathroom.

We don't have a bathroom.

We have lots of toilets; none with a bath in... :thumbsup:

there's no way I could poop with the door open! :eek:

I have to wait until everyone leaves public restrooms so no one hears me. There's nothing more embarrassing than that plop-plop..

Personally, I find it hilarious when my SO hears me machine gunning out a Jackson Pollock in the bathroom. However, I don't want to hear her pooping. I mean, for Christ's sake, I put my dick in there!

I think women are probably less squeamish about this because public toilets are communal spaces to us. We pee, we poop, we chat, we do our make up. We even go together. Men don't seem to do this... in fact I remember a conversation I had with a close male friend of mine several years ago - he said that typically men don't even acknowledge each other in a public toilet, and even explained the process of choosing the urinal which is the further away from anyone else using the urinal at the time!

Personally, I prefer not to take a shit around the men in my life; it may sound odd, but I don't want them associating my butt with anything smelly or icky. I keep myself very clean back there, and I want them to feel safe spanking it, licking it and sticking things in it, and that's surely easier if they don't smell or hear what comes out of it.

2 things:

1. It makes me really uncomfortable when women talk to me in a public bathroom while I'm trying to go. Because women are so apt to listen, and because I've never heard it done, I also can't poo in a public restroom.

2. Women don't have to see each other doing our business. I imagine I would be disinclined to make small talk with the woman sitting on the toilet next to me if there was no wall separating us.

Private restrooms are fair game, though. I scare the shit (ha no pun intended) out of my guy walking into the bathroom when he's mid poo. We don't close the doors if it's just a pee. He's taken to locking the door now. I'm alright with pooping in front of him as long as I've already begun pooping, starting pooping is so incredibly difficult to do while being watched because the necessary muscles don't want to relax mid-scrutiny.

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Personally, I don't care. I've always adapted to the important men in my life just because it doesn't bother me either way and there are bigger things to tackle in relationships.

You're not oversensitive. She was a tad insensitive but I'm glad that she's realized this and has backed off some. Mutual respect. Muy importante!

After 22+ years of my objecting, my wife still insists on conversing while I'm sitting on the toilet. I sort of understand it if it's something important that needs to be addressed, but not if it's something that can wait.

I dont mind taking a piss in front of someon (anyone in fact), but I very much need to take a shit in private.

Doesnt everyone (or every man) feel the same?

No, some girls flip out... they won't pee on the same floor as their boyfriend if there is a chance that old accidental fog horn might go off.

I had a girlfriend like that. Fit, funny, really down to earth... but really phobic about bathroom activities. Completely irrational "girls don't poop" logic.

I swear she would have rather embraced seppuku than unburden her bowels in the bathroom next to the living room while I was watching a movie.

Put me down as another pee is OK, shit is not. Thankfully, my girlfriend agrees.

Also, I'm an American and I always feel odd when I slip and call it a "bathroom." The Brits are right: there's no bath! Even when I'm in someone home where there is a bath, I'm not going to be using the bath. Restroom is equally ridiculous. Washroom is better, though even that one feels a bit odd to me. I like Daniel_'s explanation for why that term is appropriate though.

I have no issue pissing in front of anyone. Like other men, anything other than that is strictly private.

For men, the restroom is like a holy temple. No one speaks. No one acknowledges another. If you bump into another coming out as you're going in the door, you simply nod, and if you're being vocal, you grunt a greeting. It's perfectly acceptable to do nothing but walk past.

There are a few exceptions that bring chuckles and stuff, but they are far and few between. Not habitual at all.

People that treat the public restroom like their home disgust me. If a building has 3 floors of public restrooms, it is reasonable to walk in, see a stall door closed, and leave and go to another floor for an empty restroom. I hate it when someone walks in and takes a seat right next to me. I will wait down the hall, go up the stairs to another floor or go back to my desk and wait longer if need be. I find the cleanest and least used restroom and use that one. That is called "the safe haven". I refer to it as such in my mind when I'm embarking on my trek to the toilet :lol:

At my last job, I tracked traffic over a month and found that generally, the 3rd floor is least used and has the least number of occupied offices. That was my safe haven from then on.

Men are weird about that stuff. My wife didn't get it for a long time too. She would just barge in and I'd be like WTF GET OUT. Now she respects my privacy, but will occasionally knock then enter to get something, then leave quickly while sticking her tongue out at me or something. LOL

My husband's pooping time is his private time. I try not to interrupt.

I don't care if someone's in the room while I pee. I really don't. My husband will spend a significant amount of time farting around in the bathroom, and acts all offended when I come in and drop trou to pee. Whatever. If you don't want to see me pee, stop dilly-dallying and get out of my bathroom. Our bathroom space is kind of limited around here. However, I will not poop with other people around. That's just gross.

Bathroom, restroom... the rest of the world calls it a toilet.

I was in France once and had to go. I asked someone, Ou est le salle de bain (where is the bath room)? And received a look like I was talking crazy talk (i.e. why do you want to have a bath in the middle of a Convention Centre?).

I quickly changed to, Ou est la toilette? And was directed to the appropriate location.


The funny thing about Singapore is that it's a bit of a cultural hybrid with a lot of British influence but also a healthy dose of American influence. Depending on whom you are talking to, you can say toilet or bathroom. I have learned to use toilet as it is the more straight forward word and creates fewer questions when speaking to older folks with less of a grasp on the English language.

I suppose I could go all British and say WC or water closet.