telling of prior drug use.
 

hey everyone...i've got a bit of a problem. i've been seeing this girl whose 19 for about a month now. we have a great time together. i recently found out that she has never and has no desire to try drugs.

i'm 20, a junior in college, and pretty much through my college times, i've done some drugs. pretty much weed had been a part of my college times from the beginning, and i basically became a pothead for a while. i've also hit the shrooms a few times too.

at the end of my sophmore year, around the end of may, i decided that i was done with it all, except alcohol. then about a week later, i met her. since that time been in a situation where it would have been very easy to get stoned off my ass. and even in a drunken state, with the bong in my lap, and the pressure from my best friend who thought i was dogging out on him, i refused. it crossed my mind. how would she know that i did it? but i just thought about how pathetic i would have to be to give into something like that.

i've decided that i should tell her that i used to be into drugs. but i dont know how to bring it up without totally suprising her, nor do i know what kind of reation to expect. any advice.

I went through a similar situation with my wife. She had smoked some grass in school, and she told me she tried speed once, but she was pretty much of a good girl.

I had a monstrous cocaine habit for a long time and was ashamed to tell her. When I finally came clean (heh), I gave it to her straight up. I made sure to accentuate how much I love her and how bad having a coke habit made me feel. She took it surprisingly well. I don't think anybody expects perfection these days.

I think she'll appreciate the fact that you didn't give in even while drunk with the bong in your lap. Good luck, mate.

Just be open to her, tell her about the drugs. I don't really think it's totally necessary to tell her about the drunken bong incident, unless you feel like telling her that much. I'm sure she will appreciate your honesty.

I wouldn't bring it up, but if she asks, be honest. You don't really need to go into details. She can't expect you to have had the same experiences as her. If she responds irrationally, you can always tell her how bad you've felt about it.

does she not want you to do drugs or have you just decided that she will break up with you if you do. i dont think she would really mind if you do it in a party setting or moderately.

The way I read it was that he decided to quit for himself shortly before meeting her.

I say tell her before she brings it up. You're possibly more likely to deny it on impulse if she surprises you with the question? (hence complicating things further).

Tell her that unlike her, you have experimented, but that's all behind you now. She should understand and not hold it against you that you had to try things out.

two words... honesty.... trust...

thanks for the help guys...i've decided that the best thing to do is just be honest and tell her. any questions that she has, i'm just going to be truthful. if she were to find out from a second party, then we would have a problem.

i just have to find a reasonable way to bring it up without just throwing it in her face. anyone have any good conversation starters for something like this?

btw...i dont think i should feel ashamed about doing it. its something that i decided to experiment with, and now i realize that although its fun that the consequences and worries just dont make it that appealing.

its just my opinion that anything from the past that doesnt influence anything in the future should not be used against you. people grow up and change...and my views on drugs different that what they used to be.

Don't even bother telling her anything about it.
The past is the past leave it there, or tell her and risk
having her change the way that she sees you and I
don't think you want that.
Let sleeping dogs.....

Exactly the right answer!
The thing is she will be far more hurt to hear stories about it down the road if you two stay together. She will appreciate the honesty now...it means you are trustful, open, honest. That means a LOT.
And it's not like you are telling her you actively do drugs now (ie...hey sweetie, I forgot to mention I'm a dope-head). You are telling her something about you...your history....the past - I mean hey, we all have crazy stories to tell, some good...some not so good but that's a part of life and if it's in the past, well...that's a part of who you are, too.
I would rather hear the "stories" from my guy himself and know he trusted me enough to share them then just hear it later on from a buddy's story of "Hey, you wouldn't believe the time we did this...".
Be honest...be forward with her....it'll travel far.

Re: telling of prior drug use.
 

Dude man, don't do the stupid thing of telling her, it will come back to haunt you one day,

I did some drugs in college, until this day (19 some years later), I didn't tell a soul, I didn't tell my wife either, and I feel no guilt, I plan to take it to my grave

Re: Re: telling of prior drug use.
 

i see what you mean...what she doesnt know wont hurt her. but if she does find out, from someone else, then i'd be screwed. i dont want that too happen. the odds are in my favor that if i tell her now that she'll appreciate my honesty and respect me for telling her.

i dont want to get this potential relationship off to the wrong start by hiding things that may or may not affect it.

BTW...why havent you told a soul?

I'd rather hang with a mellow, even an unambitious looser pothead than an alcoholic. --NOT that your EITHER--

further, I'd rather not hang with a girl so narrow minded that she can't live and let live. pot and mushrooms have been on the planet probably longer than mankind, people play with these plants !! get used to it, it won't ever change. and it's nothing in and of itself to be embarassed about either.

now if you got drunk, smoked weed, took 'shrooms, drove downtown, killed a pedestrian, I'd come clean about that.

my thoughts on alchohol is: my parents were RAGING alchies, and LAST NIGHT my girlfriend's alchoholic bro drunkenly steped in front of a car and as far as I know, he needs re hab no longer. HE'S DEAD !!

IMHO, he'd be alive now if he was just a chronic pothead.

edit--just got a call from my gf, her bro is dead. her and her mom drove all over looking for the other bro, they found him drunk and alone on 1st ave downtown.--edit.

HONESTY AND TRUST !!!! it can't be overstated it's the only only only thing that a relationship can be based on PERIOD.

anything else is just a fling or whatever you want to cal it.

Re: Re: Re: telling of prior drug use.
 

back in the 80's man ain't suppose to talk about their problems, if you love this woman then don't let her know you are a piece of scum

Spot on Minx! Be honest and just tell her. If she's a reasonable person, she'll be glad you've shared this with her.

I'm not sure where this "scum" bit is coming from HughHugh, but that sounds a little harsh. The guy smoked some pot and did some shrooms, he didn't kill babies and roast them for fucks sake.

I've never done any drugs, but I've found that in most cases it is best to be honest about your past. True, it's the past, but it is a part of who you are, and if you care about this girl, then it's important that she knows the real you.

Eltar man, my humble opinion is that keep the story to himself, there is no need to hurt this woman with the naked truth if you plan to stick around for a bit, to this date, my friend and wife (of whom I've had two children with) and my kids think I am a perfect gentleman and never done anything beyond the line in my life. it worked for me to not tell, the decision is an individual one.

If she's not asking, there is no need to tell - unless you love drama

Why buy into misery before it goes on sale?

Gee - I guess I had it easy - when I met my wife, I was in the middle of plea bargaining a felony drug possesion case down to a misdemeanor - one of the first people I introduced her to was my probation officer.

I'm glad I never had to lose sleep over a decision like that :)

On the other hand (seriously), I guess you can be happy your asinine drug use never progressed to the point mine did. Two good things came from it, though - getting busted ended my drug use forever, and - did I mention I met my wife then?

I'm sure she's done something before that you wouldn't do yourself. If she asks about it, don't lie, but there's no reason to just suddenly tell her you used to use drugs.

Unless you're trying to pique her curiosity, that is. ;)

I did lots of drugs when I was in high school and college.... things that i am not proud of. I told my borfriend everything I had done and he was not upset about it. He realized it was in the past and in fact he was extremely proud of me that I quit everything on my own.... He's glad I told him everything and that makes us all the closer that we can share things like that between us...

I agree, honesty is critical in a trusting relationship.