I got into a fight
 

As an adult Ive been in a few scuffles and shoving matches and so on, but never a serious fight since I was 18 or so. A week or so I was walking through the estate that runs up into the street I live in... Its the worst part of my town, but I live in a town with 200,000 people, it isnt exacty Compton

Anyway, Ive been in a very bad mood recently for a number of reasons. I was just going to get something from the shop, and two guys walked past the other way and one of them made a comment I felt was directed at me. I turned round and shoved him in the back and called him a fucking cunt. He came round and we both swung at each other, and I it him pretty hard in the stomach, threw him into a wall, and then punched the other guy three or four times. Then suddenly I thought "oh shit" and ran off when I realised what I'd done.

I didnt think if they had a knife, or what what would happen as a result of beating up or being beaten up by some random kids, I just reacted, I literally just felt like my fists were so heavy and were fizzing with energy and I just went for them. The last time I hit someone in genuine anger I was 18 and it was cos a skinhead shoved my girlfriend into a wall in a bar fight... Im not a thug or a hooligan, but I acted like one. I am kind of scared that I have the potential to just lash out like that for no real reason. Cos I could have been knifed, I could have broken the kids head when I threw him in the wall, shit like that someone can die... I dont know where it came from.

I'm not an expert or anything, but if you are worried about this kind of thing happening again, maybe you just need to find an outlet for your energy. Do you play any sports or work out? I find sports where you combine pounding something with lots of running to be the best stress relief ever. So something like racquetball, squash, maybe tennis, or even weird as it may sound in your situation, kickboxing. Even something as simple as punching a punching bag as hard as you can for a while can let some steam off.

That's pretty disconcerting. It's probably time to deal with your anger.

Between this episode and your last thread about regularly becoming inconsolably irritable, you really should consult a professional about sorting these feelings about before they lead you into more trouble.

Whether they insulted you or not, you should be in jail for what you've done.

You need some help.

High five.

This is the kind of behavior a formerly very good friend of mine used to exhibit. He never had the balls to admit to himself that he has a serious anger problem, and the last time I talked to him, he was facing serious jail time for nearly beating a complete stranger to death. Please, if this is a pattern for you, please get help.
What's more embarrassing, going to a shrink's office, or getting raped in federal-pound-me-in-the-ass-prison?

eh I don't see it as that big of a deal. I used to get in fights at least every weekend at the bars/clubs..

You did it because you felt it was in response to a comment made about you.. it's a self defense mechanism. it happens every day, in every city.

I guess you would need help if you were out just looking to fight because you hated everyone, but a little scuffle like this because of an exchange of words is hardly uncommon.

What did he say? If he said something uncouth towards you then good on you.

Otherwise don't worry about it unless it becomes a trend.

Eh, picking random fights is never good.

I'd say talk to someone about why you're feeling angry, and try to prevent lashing out, but without knowing what was said...

Also, you might not just want to shove first, you might atleast want to ask in the most intimidating way possible "what did you say to me", to atleast verify that the fellow isn't talking on a bluetooth.

Dude, if the first guy talked trash then Strange didn't pick a fight, he ended one. Just because they were incompetent and expected to intimidate rather than have a real fight on their hands is not Strange Famous's problem.

If on the other hand Strange just lashed out at two guys who were not disrespecting him then that's a different story.

I agree you shouldn't have shoved first. If it is worth fighting over then get on with it. Otherwise stick to words.

If Strange is 100% sure they were making a comment about him, I say he did something that was perfectly acceptable. However, if there is even .1% chance he isn't sure the fellas were directing their rudeness to him, it's a massive mistake.

I'm surprised so many of you think it's appropriate to respond to an insult with violence. Is being insulted so bad that it justifies harming (and possibly killing) someone?
What's the difference?

This is a very dangerous attitude. Someone says something possibly offensive and you're obligated to physically attack him? That's never acceptable.

You missed that part, Will. What? You wanna fight?

Prevalence / incidence.

...

I'm just a stupid middle class white guy but I've never seen problems solved faster than two guys in a fist fight.

Said guys beat the crap out of each other and half the time they're friends afterward.

You can Dr. Phil the hell out of everything in life because it's "the right thing to do" but does it solve anything?

You can argue that physical altercations never "solve" anything but they often make one feel better.

Ya know... it beats getting online and posting thinly veiled snarky comments. Heh.

...

C19H28O2 Bullshit: Men that go their whole lives without being in a fist fight haven't truly explored human nature.

I suppose it depends on what the guy said and how bad it was.

Dude, that would be awesome. Just don't bring a gun. That's cheating.

I think the running away after taking a couple of shots is what seems dodgy to me about it. I mean a hair trigger is a hair trigger, but if you're going to cold deck a guy and his friend then see it through til you're done with it, it's not like it was self-defense yeah?

Please don't stereotype me like every other 9th grader on here. Rumor has it I do karate quite regularly. I like sparring.

This really isn't a matter of what was said or whether or not there's anything wrong with a good ol' fight.

Taking on two people over a few words is far from the mark of a sensible person. I'd imagine that if he weren't in such a pissy mood, Strange Famous would've handled this situation entirely differently.

Cynthetiq wanted me to tell you that he heard someone talking to someone else about someone that likes you. I'll see you in Geometry.
That was the idea.

Hopefully our main man has learned his lesson and further discovered / experienced his problem.

Experience is the only thing gets us anywhere in life... otherwise we'd all still be trying to figure out what that white roll in the bathroom is for every time we're on the can.

The difference between ACTING like a thug and BEING a thug is one of frequency(to me).

SF is saying he thumped a guy with little provocation, and s not proud of that. A true thug would be on a different message-board posting about how great he was because he leathered a couple of twats who gave him the eyeball.

As much as I'm enjoying this testosterone thread, I just have to point out that I'm going to use this one...

the next time my man comes home from BJJ. Just to see what he says.
SF, I agree with a lot of the people above... it's good you recognize the fact that you feel some remorse and that it wasn't the best idea of all. And you might want to find an outlet of some kind.

I want to watch the cromp/will showdown. Awesome.

the way i read the op, sf undestands himself as having cold-cocked two people who were passing on the street because he was in a pissy mood.
that's not a fight--it's an arbitrary act of violence.

the center of the story he presents seems to be surprise and a bit of bewilderment that he could have done such a thing--the description of the heavy, fizzy hands comes out of that kind of focus, it seems to me---it sounds like the central moment was one of a transfer of control from the mind to the heavy, fizzy hands--and it reads as dissociative.
particularly if you line it up, as others have, with the post from a couple weeks ago about depression/withdrawal.

i would be concerned, sf.
and you are obviously concerned.
i would consider it a warning amongst others that you have trouble controlling certain types of emotion, that you may become a danger to yourself and to others, and would get help.

i don't buy any of the manly man "don't worry about it" nonsense, particularly not the argument that arbitrary violence is not really arbitrary because it lets you "explore human nature." that's adolescent fratboy horseshit. i prefer to think it's messageboard posturing as well, that it has little to do with how anyone comports themselves in 3-d. but the main reason i don't buy it is that it seems to misinterpret the description in the op, flatten it out, make it into something it's not--a description of a fist fight--which presupposes a situation that the actors involved all know about. in the op, the only one who knew about the situation "fight" was strange famous. that is not ok.

Why would you beat up 2 people without even knowing if they insulted you? You should be in jail right now even if they DID insult you. But you aren't even sure. That is pretty messed up. Next time turn around and ask if they were speaking to you, and if they were, what their problem is and how it can be resolved. If it leads to violence from there, so be it, but your actions were absurd.

I know I have a problem with my mood swings, although I have never done anything like this before I do sometimes feel like Im on the verge of losing control.

Last week also my boss at work took me aside and said that someone had told him they were scared I might harm myself on the basis of my Facebook page and he asked if I felt like that etc (and I said I felt fine and I dont know where it came from) I personally didnt think I gave off those kind of signals, and the fact that to someone at least I do scares me too.

I just dont have the courage to seek help, because I dont know where it will end - I just have to try harder to manage my moods.

I don't know what you are doing with your poetry, SF, but I remember reading your words years ago and they tell powerful, deeply moving, and often scary stories. You have critical events and associations that have been cooking deep down for a long, long time. Your gift of words allows you to share by writing - it may be worth while sharing your depths with a professional listener who knows how to rethink, look afresh, repackage what you carry inside.

You won't lose by it. You may gain ease or release of some sort. For all I know you will learn how to package your inner power and write more amazing poetry as an alternative to hammering random strangers into the brickwork.

Good luck, all the best, and remember you are the WordSmith :thumbsup:

Things which are wrong and to one's own disadvantage are easily enough done, while what is both good and advantageous is extremely hard to do.

—Siddhārtha Gautama Buddha, The Dhammapada, XII. The Self

Not seeking help when you know you need it, and managing moods instead, sounds like a band-aid solution (if it will even work). As someone who has gone through the "seeking help" part, I cannot stress enough how important it is for one to find the courage to do so where it most certainly would have a benefit.

No matter how hard it might seem now and in the future to find the courage, to look back at where you are now from a position in which you have at least partly resolved your issues, you might find yourself one day wondering why you didn't seek help sooner.

And you aren't ever alone, despite what you might think: We all fear the unknown. We all have our challenges.

By the sound of it, you aren't merely "moody."

Say what? You already are... you're here at TFP and you admit you have a problem.

Did you get enough self culture shock to put your brain on fixing things? Probably. You've obviously done a lot of thinking about it and this isn't something that just dawned on you.

Fratboy horseshit or not... if you did something stupid and learned from it and the memory of the physical sensations associated with it are enough to wake your ass up to the obstacles you have lurking behind your eyes, you're at least on the road to recovery. Time to start driving.

There are two ways to learn things in life: endless repetition and blunt force trauma. The endless repetition of feeling pissy and awkward in social situations may not have been enough but perhaps the literal and figurative blunt force trauma was enough.

Admission is the first step.

...

Now, just go put on Boston's "Higher Power." That makes everybody feel better.

One of them called me a fat shit. The path was quite narrow and the two guys had to walk in single file to walk past me as I was coming the other way.

But Im not claiming that some schoolyard insult is a valid excuse for beating someone up. It was when we were all in the schoolyard perhaps, but now I.m an adult and you have to have different standards.

I didnt jump the guy or hit him when his back was turned, but no - it wasnt self defence - I started it.

Nope. You didn't start it. He did by insulting you. give it whatever label you'd like, but in the real world in general public there are certain things that will get you punched or beat down if you say them to someone.

in fact, as someone who was constantly bullied in the shoolyards myself, i can tell you looking back that i ate myself up inside when i DIDN'T defend myself when i was younger. it's not like i look for fights, but i can tell you the handful i've been in, i know i would have felt even worse having not done anything even when my ass was the one kicked.

if it helps, just think of all the people out there that think "that douchebag's gonna say that to the wrong guy and get some instant karma".

You were that wrong guy and you doled out some instant karma that day.

having said all this doesn't change anything if you're having trouble with your own emotions and people are seeing signs of it from your facebook page etc.... get the help you need for that. just jump out your comfort zone and do it.

but as for that day, from what you've said, you got the green light from my chair.

The point that I though SF was making in the section you excerpted was that in the eyes of the law, an insult is not grounds for a beating.

On a personal level, we all feel it ought to be at times, but the law says you must react in proportion to the damage to you, and rude names do not merit a thumping.

fair enough, but what i'm talking about is the law that the general public enforces when officials of the law, namely cops, don't happen to be around. regardless of country or culture, there are certain things that make it "go-time" if you say them to someone else's face. maybe it's dangerous, and maybe you could be sued or tried by the law after the fact, but i personally take those chances over hating myself for half a year and cringing every time i remember him calling me a fat shit or saying something about my mom, etc....

i would be fine with our society if we didn't learn the "law of the fist" in the schoolyard and have it translate directly into adulthood and we were instead all "star trek" about our quibbles, but that's not the reality we live in.