Gettin a clue
 

Ive lost my internet unless Im outside accessing the city-wide service. The snow is falling around me, the wind is blowing, and the river looks wicked. Its cold, and clean. The weather feels alive, and takes me with it.

I wonder why it is that after hearing a million cajillion nice things about oneself from one person, why it is that just one mean thing, even unintentionally said perhaps, can devastate one and change that relationship forever. How can one thing said in haste or despair or anger or grief negate or cancel out all the other good things said over months or years or decades?

This is what Im thinking about on this snow day, still at work so to speak gettin a clue. Ill check back later.

Just like how it takes only minutes to cut down a tree that has taken hundreds of years to grow.

I think we are naturally suspicious and distrustful of others. This makes it easier to believe them at their worst. We tend to equate vitriol with "Truth".

In turn this can reveal our own self serving natures as we expect the same as ourselves in others.

i suppose it depends on what that "one thing" was that got said, really...
it's possible that this one thing was the kind of one thing that could take down an entire edifice--a friendship, a relationship. such things exist (that sort of one thing) and situations present themselves and so on. and reciprocally, there is the possibility of letting go of those effects, forgiving, deciding to forgive.

but i dont know why this sort of thing can happen. all i know is that it can happen. and depending on which end of this communicative circuit you occupy, that of transmitter or receiver of the word-bomb, you may or may not have options beyond wonderment. or you might.

like most things, this is hard to know.

Only answer I can think of is:

because you allow it.

well considering that for every ONE negative comment you hear, it takes like.. 50 positive comments to counteract that... yeah, negativity is powerful. it takes much more work to stay positive. good things in life don't come easy.

Because, that negative thing said has aggravated an old wound within us that has never fully healed.

It could be, the person who said that negative thing isn't the same person who inflicted that old wound. It could be, the negative thing said is far lesser in comparison to the great thing that was used to inflict that old wound. It could also be, the negative thing said isn't even really related to that old wound; at least, not directly. It could even be, we are not even conscious that that old wound still exists. Even so, that old wound is aggravated – and it hurts. And thus the pain, and our reaction, is greater than what the negative thing said really warrants.

This is a difficult thing to know.

I had a relationship with a person who was a very clever, manipulating,
narcissist.

This person would say and do a cajillion nice things. When he saw I was in a vulnerable,
open, trusting space,
he would zing me good, with nasty, controlling, evil put downs.

If you are experiencing a back and forth pattern of this type,
with this person,
beware.

If this is a one or two time occurance..eh..I dunno.

If one negative comment throws you off balance very easily,
most of the time,
with all your relationships,
I would suggest counseling perhaps.


Hey, it's good to see you around again,
be well.

I agree with both. It is so much easier to believe the negative things then the positive. Therefore when one hears such a hurtful thing from the person they trust. If they allow it it can change the way they once view the relationship.

This is good advice.

girldetective- I see you are in the NW, suffering what we are. Where exactly are you?