Relativity in ex and extended families
 

Extended families make things complicated, or do they? At least knowing what to call them or what they should call you seems complex.

I have one daughter from my first marriage. She has two cousins that are the children of my Ex's brother and my once-best friend. I still consider them my niece and nephew, but they think since I divorced their Uncle, who is the blood relation, that I'm no longer their Aunt (ex-Aunt?) or so their parents have taught them. They weren't allowed to see me after the divorce :( , but my daughter began to bring them around once they were over 18 and we've re-bonded, so to speak.

I know it really doesn't matter, the relationship is the important thing, but I like to think I'm still their aunt. Do you think I am? Do you have any issues with what you call someone in your extended family? Or is it black and white to you?

When I divorced my first wife (after 17 years as a couple, and nearly 10 married), I told her niece (aged 17) that I wouldn't expect her to call me "Uncle".

She told me that of course I would still be her Uncle.

When I re-married, my new wife has an extended family which are now part of my extended family.

My ex-wife has a whacky family tree:
- her father was one of three siblings, and has a half brother by his mother's second marriage, but found out later that he also had a set of four half siblings from his father's bigamous concurrent second marriage
- her mother had a daughter by an ealier marriage; this was my wife's half sister and mother of the niece.
- my ex-half-sister in law was married once and had the niece, was divorced and then had a son by a second man.
- my maternal grandmother was one of four, but had a set of half siblings from her mother (my great-grandmother)

When I divorced, my ex-wife's late-father's sisters all stayed in touch with me (to retain contact with my daughter, their great niece) but not with her (as they did not approve of her infidelity). When my daughter's great aunt had her 60th wedding anniversary, they invited me and my daughter, and my new wife. I refused, as my mother in law was staying that weekend, so they invited her too!

So, yes, families are screwy.

Yes, you're their aunt. Romantic relationships all too often screw with those on the edges. They shouldn't but they do.

If they consider you their aunt, then you are their aunt, in my humble opinion. I tend to view family relationships in terms of affinity rather than consanguity--which is why I have an extra set of grandparents, but don't consider my mother's father my "grandfather".

Same with me. I don't consider my mother's sister my aunt but I consider her ex-husband my uncle. Meanwhile, I don't consider my uncle's (father's brother) ex-wife my aunt.

I also have a few adopted aunts that were introduced to me by my best friend. Through her, I learned about the Hawaiian concept of ohana. Anyone who's seen Lilo and Stitch should be familiar with the idea.

Family, ultimately, is what you make of it.

You are their aunt. You were, are and always will be.

With families, it does not have to be blood, it has to deal with the relationship. Bonds with 'official' marriage part is just silly. Marriage is not needed to become a family/create a relationship and lack of (divorce) does not mean that you are no longer part of that family / relationship. My kids have aunts and uncles that are purely family friends.
I do have a daughter from my 'college' marriage. We have always referred to that side of the family as her other family, her other mom, so forth. We have for 13 years of her 15 year old life. I have never ever thought that because I and her father were divorced, that anything would ever change with her relationships. Actually, I wanted her to understand that she was twice as lucky to have so many people wanting her in their lives. Twice as many aunts to love her :)

You lost me ..... LOL:no:

Your relationship is what it is... don't stress over it too much.

If you consider them your niece and nephew and they consider you their aunt... what more is there to say?

Whether your blood related or not, you can "adopt" any number of brothers, sisters, aunts, and uncles. Throw in some grands and you got a heck of a family. I grew up with aunts that I had no idea that we weren't blood related until I grew up and my mom told me. She somehow figured I knew, but I didn't, and it didn't make any difference knowing.

I have always lived by this: You divorce your partner, never children. I could never imagine not calling my children's cousins, on their fathers side, my nieces/nephews. Their older brother will always be my first son. I am still close to one of his sisters, at times we are closer than my own blood sisters. We haven't been together in 12 years.

But flip the switch: the father who raised me for 23 years, left my mother and we never spoke again. I named my first born child after him and called him dad from my 16th year until he left when I was 24/25.