Friends, who needs them?

[Crack]

Speaking as someone who literary has 0 friends (not counting you beautiful TFP people!) I can see the importance of them, but how about all of you guys?

Do you have many semi close friends?
A few really good friends?
One best friend?

I feel like I am missing out on something by not having people to hang out with, someone to call when something cool happens, someone to do shit with... etc..

I have had all of the above at one point or another, but here lately, as in the past 3 years or so, I have lost friend after friend from moving away (them and me), breakups with girls who were friends of my friends, and general losing touch. I am not the kind of person who makes friends easily, but when I do, I am very loyal and a great person to hang out with (well, I think anyways...).

It just feels like I am missing a large part of life. Example: When I broke up with my last girlfriend, I didn't really have that "buddy support system" that most people do. You know the "hey, you can do better, lets go get a drink and find you a new girl!" that kind of thing. I just kind of languished by myself for a few months. It sounds petty and it probably is, but it would be cool to be able to call someone up and say "hey, lets go blow $300 at the casino!" and actually have someone to call, or any activity really.

I have always heard, "Be the friend you want make"... I try, although it seems like making friends for me is like that creepy single guy trying to hit on married women. I always feel like an outcast... seeing everything going on from the outside looking in.

I saw Clerks 2 (again) a week or two ago, and it didn't hit me the first time I saw it, but Randal's little speech when they are in the jail cell at the end of the movie
pretty much sums it up; "Who would be friends with me? I hate everyone and everything seems stupid to me."
At least Randal had Dante...

Maybe I am over-reacting, but it seems like everyone else I know or have ever know has had "people".

I have no people.

[Manic_Skafe]

It may be my own personal experience but most people are too self-centered to devote themselves well enough to be there as a "really good friend" or someone to call when things aren't going well.

There are exceptions to the rule but they are so very few and far between that when they come along you'd better do your best to hold onto them.

But all in all, this boils down to you and no one else. I've found that I attract all sorts of people but it's the needy types that stick because I'm too comfortable in my relationship with my s/o.

Maybe a little introspection will sort you out.

[Hyacinthe]

Crack you sound like me a few months ago.

First what you need to decide is IF you want friends or if you just feel like you SHOULD have them. There are some people out there that are happier on their own and there's nothing wrong with being one of those people if that's your preference.

On the other hand if you do decide you want some friends ... well it can be hard to make friends, I've found the most effective way to be simply going out and starting to do something, take up a new hobby and try to talk to people who are also interested in it, do a course of some kind and chat to people there. Both good avenues for getting to know people gradually.

I'm not the best person to ask about the validity of friendship though. I've been hurt terribly by people I thought were friends in the past and I have to tell you the ache from that never really goes away. At the same time I have a few friends where after a bad day I can call them and just vent or rock up on their doorstep for a hug because I need one.

Fact of the matter is people are people whether they're your friends or not. Some of them are assholes some of them are saints and the majority are in between.

[Spartanx9]

For me, I got a few different circles of friends.

One circle is where I got my usual group of friends, whether they may be from my school, online, etc. I enjoy hanging out with them, and finding some type of activity, where it be movies, video games, etc, to spend time with them.

Then, I have my circle of very close friends. They are the ones that matter to me the most, and would be the few that I would actually take a bullet for. They are the few that I will tell pretty much anything about me, or my situation that normally I wouldn't tell to anyone.

Friends are a huge part of my life, since I've never had a huge connection to my family (semi-huge backstory), they were there to help when I couldn't turn to my family.

[Ayashe]

I am not one to want to entertain people all the time. I don't really care to be running all over town either. I had some very good friends that felt the same way as I did and we would often do different things, all of us on a budget with kids. Times, change, people move off. I am not cold and unfriendly but I do not care for the bar scene or spending loads of money for a good time which a lot of people do.

[QuasiMondo]

Having no friends is boring. Especially on those days when you're really bored.

[Fotzlid]

I don't have any people either.
I've lost contact with just about everyone from when I was younger and I have not replaced them with any new friends.
Some days I wish there were some one I could call and just go do something with.
Other days I'm thankful I don't have to deal with the drama that comes with being part of an unrelated group of people.
The job doesn't help much either. Rotating evening schedule and every other weekend. Makes it difficult to join any groups to meet like minded individuals.
I'm friends with a few people at work but when you hang out with work people, you tend to slip into shop talk. I talk about work enough at work. They are good people but I don't have a lot in common with them outside of what we do for a living.

[snowy]

Crack, go read my latest blog post on making friends: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/blogs/o...g-friends.html

I felt pretty friendless not so long ago. Almost all of my friends had moved out of town. I'm thankful that those friends are the kind of friends I can call up or see every few months and it feels just like yesterday, but I wanted friends in town. Through playing rec sports and going to parties hosted by people I had only met once, I made friends. There is definitely a certain amount of emotional risk in attempting to make friends, and it can be hard, especially for adults. But you can do it. It's not so much about being the friend you want to be, but just getting out there--it's like trying to find a date, to be honest. You aren't going to find friends by staying home. Volunteering, playing rec sports, going to events in my community--all of these things brought me into contact with people I now consider friends.

And yes, we all need friends--the key is to make them before you REALLY need them.

[Reese]

You're not alone dude. I have no friends anymore.. They just kinda went their own way like friends tend to do and instead of going out of my way to keep in touch, or finding new friends I didn't even bother to notice until I didn't have any left. I really gotta make some new friends.

[Jenna]

I had a lot of issues finding friends because I have high expectations of friends and for awhile I was stuck in two different worlds. I was 18 and in a serious relationship with a guy 5 years older than me. I couldn't (and still can't) go out to the bars with his/our friends who are in their late 20's or early 30's and thus I'm not accepted into their social circles. But yet, I had and still have a hard time finding those who I can relate to that are my own age.

I have quite a few friends, and by that, I mean we hang out once in awhile but I never talk to them about serious things. The only real close friend of mine, who has never betrayed me and been there for me is my boyfriend.

I find it especially difficult because I have no support system besides my mother. I figure all relationship issues out by myself, with no help or venting really. I don't like to bother people with my complaints and problems regarding relationships.

[Poppinjay]

Crack, you may have nobody to meet with at Baja Fresh, but you're a talented writer and you'll have me as an admirer until such time as you start to suck. Your post is good, witty, and you are worth knowing.

Someday, somebody will treasure that.

[sound chaser]

I'd feel that companionship or affiliation with others was a general human need. Having said that though, there are some people who live contently without any friends. So really the question is whether a person WANTS friends. If not, then fine, no one would care if a person wants to be a loner.

[girl_somebody]

Originally Posted by Katyanna

I am not one to want to entertain people all the time. I don't really care to be running all over town either. I had some very good friends that felt the same way as I did and we would often do different things, all of us on a budget with kids. Times, change, people move off. I am not cold and unfriendly but I do not care for the bar scene or spending loads of money for a good time which a lot of people do.

I am the same way. There are people who am casual with (mostly people who live in the same apartment complex as me) who I might have a cup of coffee with once in awhile, but for the most part, I am friendless by choice. Maybe I am just lazy, or selfish, or both, but friendships are hard to maintain. It's like being in a relationship without the sex. I can only think of 2 friends of mine, (one of them is a family member so she has no choice in being my friend lol) , that are like minded on the subject. We'll call and bitch to each other about something in our lives if we need to, or need a shoulder to cry on, but other than that, we're not at each others throats if we don't see or talk to each other for a few weeks. Friends are for high school, right now, I'm happy just focusing on my kids and making sure my house is somewhat clean and the bills are paid. After all that is done, I'd rather sit at home entertaining myself with a book, the computer or a movie rather than having to primp up and go out with a friend.

[noodle]

i got rid of some people that i thought were "my people" and who turned out to be pretty damn toxic.
best move i ever made.
even though i ended up alone for months.
i talked with work people and ended up with one in My People list.
eventually i lucked out and found a group that has fluctuated with the seasons, births and deaths, and menstrual cycles.
those who are meant to be Your People will find you, though they may flux in and out of your life sometimes.
Drink coffee out, find some group in the local paper and go to a meeting (avoid anything mentioning "Nigeria" or "soap making" and you should be fine, Tyler), or just go enjoy doing something.
People who mean something see you enjoying something and connect.
Or not.
And in that case, cats rock.

[Nikilidstrom]

Throughout my 20's I saw most of my friends either move away, start families, or just disappear, effectively ending the "hanging out" part of our relationship. And I tend to have a "Randal" personality, which makes finding new friends hard because I call it like I see it, even when I should probably keep my mouth shut. I also am horrible at keeping in contact with people unless I actually have something important to talk about. Now I was an only child, so I've learned how to entertain myself over the years, but I still wish I had the old group of friends to get together with and just BS and kill time. I basically have one close friend, and we have the same outlook on life, so we constantly call each other to bitch about the world, but because of family and work, we probably hang out together no more than once a month. My age group seems to consist mostly of married folk with young families, which makes finding friends with spare time to do things difficult. If it weren't for my fiancee, I'd probably go nuts. Luckily she's up for just about anything (and is immune to my bullshit), and has joined me in many of my hobbies.

Long story short, while I have never had 0 friends, I know how you feel, and I wish I had some advice for you on how to make friends easy, but I am shitty at it myself. Its starting to bother me more now than it did in the past, but I really have no idea how to go about things differently. Good luck to ya no matter what you decide.

[high_jinx]

my parents met each other from different states, and then moved out west to california where they knew no one. so i grew up with only my 2 parents and sister to start with. i would always hear about this buddy's reunion or that buddy's cousin's bday, and kinda wish i had that going on.

so i ended up deciding to pick out my own family through my friendships. i just looked for people who valued friendship the same way I do along with having the same interests and things to do of course. now i have a great network of friends and they all think each other are awesome too whenever we end up hanging out.

i definitely have differing degrees or circles of friends based on how well or long i've known them and how much i trust them, but even the 2nd and 3rd circle feels really tight to me.

if you want to start over and have a circle or 2 of friends, you just need to find something you can stand to do that involves a social scene and take part in it somehow for another. for me, it revolves around music. and i'm not even a musician. but i'm good at appreciating it as a fan, and i'm good at social networking, so i can still help my musician friends out. so while i never have a show all my friends come to, i'm always invited to their shows and parties and after-parties, and we have a mini- reunion of our friends every time something happens like that.

it's definitely worth it to have at least a few casual friends you can call to get out with.... you can motivate each other to build your lives up that way.