If someone who might be gay contacted you out the blue - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Strange Famous · 07-12-2008, 02:07 PM

And said "lets go out for a beer" - would you take it at face value, or think he might be like asking for a date?

__

This is what's happened. There was this guy I worked with, who left the co I work at about 2 years ago. At work I was friendly enough with him but we never socialised or anything. I havent seen him since he left work, although I did add him as a friend on facebook when I was just browsing from people from work, and he sent me one message about the football team I run and I registered him as a player with Suffolk FA, but he never has turned up for training or even said he was available to play

At work he wasnt openly "out" gay, but I and a lot of people assumed he was because of his persona, etc.

And yesterday, from my perspective out of the blue he sends me a mail on facebook asking to I want to go out for a beer.

__

Now, I am not any kind of homophobe, and I have nothing against people being whatever sexuality they feel like being - I have a few mates which are homosexuals or lesbians, and I mean it doesnt bother me to have a drink with a guy who happens to be gay.

But if he actually means to ask me out on a date, I dont really feel like doing that and I just see it being awkward and messed up.

I dont think anyone at work thinks of me as gay, or if so Ive never heard about it - I mean, I AM straight and have dated people at work even - so I figure on the one hand he couldnt be asking me "for a date" since he knows Im not gay; but on the other hand it just does sound a bit wierd that for someone I havent met in two years to just be like "lets go out for a drink" - I mean there are any number of social occasions he could come along to if he wants to catch up with people from work - I just think its kinda odd.

I mean, if I mailed a girl and asked if she wanted to go out for a beer, most likely I'd mean it as a date, but obviously I cant judge everyone by my own personality, and maybe Im just being paranoid or stupid about it... I dont know - what do you think?

mixedmedia · 07-12-2008, 02:12 PM

I don't know.

If a guy asked me out for a beer, I would assume he is asking me out on a date. Or, at the very least, feeling me out for a date. The politics could be different for guys, though.

I'd just ask him outright - are you asking me out on a date?

Daniel_ · 07-12-2008, 02:26 PM

so - tell him you're straight, and ask where he wants to meet...

If at any part of the meeting you find him inserting his penis into any of your orrifices a firm "No thank-you" will sufice.

Same thing happened to a friend of mine once. There was no funny business, but apparently, if you drink enough scotch, it gives you a really sore arse the next day.

Martian · 07-12-2008, 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel_

If at any part of the meeting you find him inserting his penis into any of your orrifices a firm "No thank-you" will sufice.

Really, I don't see that it's anything to worry about. Worst case scenario -- he comes onto you, you shoot him down. Problem solved.

Free beer is worth a bit of discomfort.

Willravel · 07-12-2008, 03:36 PM

"You want to go to 'The Throbbing Lavender Poll Pub'? I don't swing that way. I'd be glad to take you and your family out for some dinner with me and my girlfriend."

Baraka_Guru · 07-12-2008, 04:05 PM

Well, even if he wants to take you to

The Blue Oyster

, it doesn't mean he wants to dance with you.

Either way, it won't take long for this guy to find out 1) you aren't romantically interested in him, and 2) you aren't even gay.

Go if you like this guy and wouldn't mind hanging out with him, but don't avoid him just because you might think he's into you.

pig · 07-12-2008, 05:10 PM

Sure - tell him you'd love to grab a drink, but you need to know the day a little in advance because you're looking throw some serious action at this superhot bigtitted blonde with an asshole that taste like french vanilla icecream, and you're needing to make sure there's no time conflict.

robot_parade · 07-12-2008, 05:45 PM

Actually, it means you're secretly gay.

Well, maybe not. Anyway, going out for a beer with another guy doesn't really count as a date in my mind. My guess is he's just as likely to try to recruit you for Amway as to try to get in your pants.

If you're looking for a non-awkward way to make it not-a-date, invite some other guy(s) from work. "Hey, you remember Steve, right? He's coming along, too."

If he's trying for the gay love, this says 'no'. But if he's just socializing, this isn't as embarressing for the both of you as 'Uh, dude, I'm not gay.'

Cross-Over · 07-12-2008, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daniel_

so - tell him you're straight, and ask where he wants to meet...

If at any part of the meeting you find him inserting his penis into any of your orrifices a firm "No thank-you" will sufice.

Same thing happened to a friend of mine once. There was no funny business, but apparently, if you drink enough scotch, it gives you a really sore arse the next day.

Ha, thats good comedy. Nicely done.

In reference to the original post:

Since you worked with him and were never social in the past, I would just wait till you have the next work happy hour/pub time and invite him along to join the group.

clavus · 07-12-2008, 08:44 PM

I think you all missed the obvious. The gay thing is just a red herring.

He's going to try to sell you Amway.

Charlatan · 07-12-2008, 08:58 PM

He just wants to tell you about his new friend, Jesus.

OK. Here's the thing. Why worry about it? If he comes on to you at the pub just tell him you aren't interested. Amazingly, it works just like it does in the straight world.

(though you may want to keep an eye out for GHB in your beer... you never can trust guys. You know they only want one thing).

World's King · 07-12-2008, 10:44 PM

Go. Make sure he knows you don't take it in the ass.

Maybe he needs a friend and he thinks he can trust you.

thespian86 · 07-13-2008, 04:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by World's King

Maybe he needs a friend and he thinks he can trust you.

That's the first thing I thought. When people contact me out of the blue without a definitive "date me; yes?", either women or gay men, it is usually because they "always felt we should of been better friends, thought we could hang out, etc". Only a couple times has that led to anything, and certainly nothing substantial (for the record, not with the men).

But I'm not you Strange. I have literally no shame, or personal space socially or physically, so I tend to be extremely honest without thinking twice. I tend to reply with "Is this a date, because I'd like it to be" or "Is this a date, because I think I wouldn't be comfortable with that".

dlish · 07-13-2008, 05:15 AM

im with WK on this one..

just makes ure you hint that ure seing someone even if you are not.

problem solved.

Daniel_ · 07-27-2008, 09:04 AM

So - I've been wondering - did your man-date happen?

07-12-2008, 02:07 PM	#1 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	If someone who might be gay contacted you out the blue And said "lets go out for a beer" - would you take it at face value, or think he might be like asking for a date? __ This is what's happened. There was this guy I worked with, who left the co I work at about 2 years ago. At work I was friendly enough with him but we never socialised or anything. I havent seen him since he left work, although I did add him as a friend on facebook when I was just browsing from people from work, and he sent me one message about the football team I run and I registered him as a player with Suffolk FA, but he never has turned up for training or even said he was available to play At work he wasnt openly "out" gay, but I and a lot of people assumed he was because of his persona, etc. And yesterday, from my perspective out of the blue he sends me a mail on facebook asking to I want to go out for a beer. __ Now, I am not any kind of homophobe, and I have nothing against people being whatever sexuality they feel like being - I have a few mates which are homosexuals or lesbians, and I mean it doesnt bother me to have a drink with a guy who happens to be gay. But if he actually means to ask me out on a date, I dont really feel like doing that and I just see it being awkward and messed up. I dont think anyone at work thinks of me as gay, or if so Ive never heard about it - I mean, I AM straight and have dated people at work even - so I figure on the one hand he couldnt be asking me "for a date" since he knows Im not gay; but on the other hand it just does sound a bit wierd that for someone I havent met in two years to just be like "lets go out for a drink" - I mean there are any number of social occasions he could come along to if he wants to catch up with people from work - I just think its kinda odd. I mean, if I mailed a girl and asked if she wanted to go out for a beer, most likely I'd mean it as a date, but obviously I cant judge everyone by my own personality, and maybe Im just being paranoid or stupid about it... I dont know - what do you think? __________________ "Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate, for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain without being uncovered." The Gospel of Thomas

07-12-2008, 02:12 PM	#2 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	I don't know. If a guy asked me out for a beer, I would assume he is asking me out on a date. Or, at the very least, feeling me out for a date. The politics could be different for guys, though. I'd just ask him outright - are you asking me out on a date? __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce Last edited by mixedmedia; 07-12-2008 at 02:14 PM.. Reason: clarifying

07-12-2008, 02:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	so - tell him you're straight, and ask where he wants to meet... If at any part of the meeting you find him inserting his penis into any of your orrifices a firm "No thank-you" will sufice. Same thing happened to a friend of mine once. There was no funny business, but apparently, if you drink enough scotch, it gives you a really sore arse the next day. __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

07-12-2008, 05:10 PM	#7 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	Sure - tell him you'd love to grab a drink, but you need to know the day a little in advance because you're looking throw some serious action at this superhot bigtitted blonde with an asshole that taste like french vanilla icecream, and you're needing to make sure there's no time conflict. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

07-12-2008, 08:44 PM	#10 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	I think you all missed the obvious. The gay thing is just a red herring. He's going to try to sell you Amway. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

07-12-2008, 03:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	"You want to go to 'The Throbbing Lavender Poll Pub'? I don't swing that way. I'd be glad to take you and your family out for some dinner with me and my girlfriend."

07-12-2008, 05:45 PM	#8 (permalink)
robot_parade Junkie Location: San Antonio, TX	Actually, it means you're secretly gay. Well, maybe not. Anyway, going out for a beer with another guy doesn't really count as a date in my mind. My guess is he's just as likely to try to recruit you for Amway as to try to get in your pants. If you're looking for a non-awkward way to make it not-a-date, invite some other guy(s) from work. "Hey, you remember Steve, right? He's coming along, too." If he's trying for the gay love, this says 'no'. But if he's just socializing, this isn't as embarressing for the both of you as 'Uh, dude, I'm not gay.'

07-12-2008, 08:58 PM	#11 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	He just wants to tell you about his new friend, Jesus. OK. Here's the thing. Why worry about it? If he comes on to you at the pub just tell him you aren't interested. Amazingly, it works just like it does in the straight world. (though you may want to keep an eye out for GHB in your beer... you never can trust guys. You know they only want one thing). __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

07-12-2008, 10:44 PM	#12 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	Go. Make sure he knows you don't take it in the ass. Maybe he needs a friend and he thinks he can trust you. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

07-13-2008, 05:15 AM	#14 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	im with WK on this one.. just makes ure you hint that ure seing someone even if you are not. problem solved. __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy

07-27-2008, 09:04 AM	#15 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	So - I've been wondering - did your man-date happen? __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝