Doomed vacation ethics dilemna
 

check this out....

me and 2 friends are slated to go on a vacation. we've rented a cabin in northern california and we're supposed to do various stuff and come back saturday.

today i get a call from friend A....... his gramps died this morning. since he was gonna drive, and it's just not feasible to 2man the trip, the trip is killed. the problem is that we didn't get a hotel where they might fill the room with someone else, it's a rent-by-owner cabin. so it's looking like we're on the hook for the hotel bill regardless.

now, of course i feel bad for him and having to deal with his gramps and the funeral stuff... he's a good friend of mine.

but that said, do you guys think we should all just cough up the dough as a group and eat it, or that my buddy's responsible since he killed the trip.... even for a valid reason?

there is no way I would try to put the all of the bill on someone who's grandfather just died.

trip plans should always be made with the thought that "anything can happen at any time"

if you cant find someone to take his place and do the driving, you should split the costs.

What is the cancellation clause on the cabin?

Oh snap.
Everyone should pay their share. It's no more complicated than that.

Let this be a lesson that you should always divvy the money before the trip starts.


Now that this bit of 20/20 Hindsight is out of the way:

You were all planning on paying equally, so keep it equal. If he feels guilty for having ruined this trip for you guys and offers to pay for the whole thing, being the poor college idiot that I am, I would object only so many times...

A deal is a deal. Each is responsible for their share i would think.

Is there somewhere you could post the availability of the room? Perhaps someone is looking for some lodging at the last minute?

The trip is over because you can't drive? And neither can your other friend? And you live in California???

What the hell is the world coming to?

Surely you have another friend?

But, if you don't, nothing changes about the payment arrangements. Still split three ways.

As the gentlemanly thing to do, I'd pay his share and mine.

It's just money to me and there's absolutely no way I'd bother him with ponying up cash for his share when he obviously has more important and stressful things to consider. Certainly I'd accept if he offered his own share of the cash but there's just something especially wrong with adding stress at such a time in a persons life over money.

If you guys came to me with expectation to fit the bill because my grandfather died then I hope the cost of the hotel would be worth the price of our friendship.

Sorry but a commitment is just that. I agree with everyone else that he still needs to cover his portion of the hotel room. Just because this happened to him doesn't mean he can forego his obligations to the group and the hotel owner. The exception would be if they can get out of the agreement with the hotel.

Simply put, the other members of the group shouldn't be on the hook for this guys share because of a death in the family and a grandfather at that!

yep, i thought the same thing but just wondered about general consensus, thanks.... looks like tfp here has some conscientious folks :D

Seriously, no one else can drive? You have no other friend that might be able to go along?

That's funny, I thought that's exactly what I typed.

He's just as much on the hook for his own share as anyone else is. It's just that I, as the gentleman that I try to be and with his circumstances considered, wouldn't exactly put the screws to him if he forgot to pay. Especially if I considered him to be a "good friend."

Im still waiting to hear if y'all have checked the cancellation policy

I'm confused. Here's what you wrote:

"As the gentlemanly thing to do, I'd pay his share and mine.

It's just money to me and there's absolutely no way I'd bother him with ponying up cash for his share when he obviously has more important and stressful things to consider. "

Sounds to me like you'd pay his share when I said he should still pay his own share. And if he didn't pay I would definately remind him!

I'm with the Skafe on this one. I'd probably invite him to pay his share, but not make too big a deal out of it if our other buddy and I end up taking care of his share instead.

Let the life lesson here be - always get insurance.

I have permanent travel insurance via my bank that would cover the costs on this sort of deal.

As to the actual Q in the OP, it was a 3 way deal, the WORST your mate should have to suffer is a 1/3 cost - and if the other 2 of you have the ability, the decent thing would be to cover his share.

But as Shanni says, check the booking docs. It may be that you can pay a suplement and move the date, or cancel and get some of the cash back.

Call the owner and explain about the bereavement - what's the WORST he can say?

Oh, absolutely. My advise presupposes complete intractability on the part of the innkeep.

Yeah, I'd cut him some slack and pay for his portion. Assuming he's really bent out of shape over the death..

dude...he's your buddy. i wouldn't even bring it up. either you and your other friend go, or ya'll just eat it. it's not his fault his grandfather died and it would be the nice thing to do.

I'm with skafe (I love you skafey) and rb on this one. If you can't get out of it, and you don't want to go without your buddy and/or can't get transportation, eat the price equally. If you can afford to cover your buddy, cover him. If you can't, the most he pays is his share...at the minimum I'd pay his share until he can pay me back after all this blows over.

It's no one's fault his grandfather died. Why should the other dudes have to cover his end just because of a death in the family. Life doesn't work that way...it goes on. Unless you're doing it as a gift and I've never heard of a funeral gift.

And in the end if he's a stand up guy this won't even be an issue.

All we're saying is: there are three of you who have the opportunity here to be stand up guys, and two of you didn't just have a family member die.

I guess that means the power company, credit card, everyone else should forgive debts because someone died? I don't think so.

But as the kids say these days, "What-Ever!"

You didn't say if you had discussed this with your friend. Perhaps that should be your first step. And your second being to contact the cabin owner so s/he knows and could at least try and rent the cabin to someone last minute.

Alta

im back... from vacation! first of all, my other friend going and i ate it right away and told him to go be there for his mom @ the funeral. but then later that day, he came back, said he talked to his parents... and given the situation (a non refundable cabin rental by owner, not a hotel that could be re-booked), they said his gramps would want him to go.

so we did, and had a great time. thanks for chiming in everyone.

I dunno, I tend to place a higher value on my relationship with my friends than on my relationship w/ the power company or credit card company, so I tend to treat my friends better than the corporations that I owe money to. I guess that's just the way I was raised...

That is awesome! I'm glad to hear you guys had a good time. Now send his Mom flowers, she'll likely appreciate the gesture.

Wonderful! Everything worked out in the end.