Staying At Someone's Place Etiquette?

[soma]

I'm going on a trip and will be staying with one of my friends for 4 days and was wondering if you guys have any tips/stories on the correct etiquette for being a good house guest.

[snowy]

1) Don't forget to bring a towel.
2) Clean up after yourself.
3) Don't use their toiletries unless you have permission to do so.
4) Offer to buy beer/food during your stay, and show up with some kind of beer/food/wine/flowers, depending on the person you're visiting.
5) Remember to say thank you when you leave!


We also have a Wii, so we usually pack that to take with us when we visit friends.

[Cynthetiq]

clean up after yourself - this means bus your dishes and glassware. make your bed, keep the area you are sleeping in tidy, keep your bathroom space clean. put the toilet seat back down, especially if there are women in the household.

when in rome - follow their schedule as much as you can, this means, don't keep them up until 4am when it's a work night. you are on holiday, they are not.

send a thank you card, or phone call after you've left.

I try to leave a small gift, since staying with someone obviously saved me a lot of money, I try to spend some of it to beautify their home with something personal but matching. You can also just bring flowers when you leave.

[Martian]

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

1) Don't forget to bring a towel.

By far the most important tip. One should always know where one's towel is.

[Grancey]

I'll give you some tips on what not to do. Not that I have guests behaving in this manner or anything like that.....

Do not rearrange the furniture.
Do not eat in non-eating areas, such as dining on chips and salsa on a white bedspread.
Do not "camp out" in a favorite chair of your host.
Do not alter ceiling fans, window blinds or air temperatures.
Do not leave your garbage laying around. Use the garbage cans.
If you break something, replace it.
If you are not sure how to correctly use an appliance or electronic item, ask.
Don't snoop through the hosts email when you have been allowed to use their computer.
Don't bring pets along unless you are sure it is okay. And if for some reason the host allows you to bring a pet, clean up after your pet.
If you live in a different time zone, be considerate. Your host may not always rise at 4:00 am.
Don't make changes to the house, apartment, etc. Don't even ask.
Don't leave a mess behind.
When you are treated to dinner out, don't complain about the restaurant. And don't be rude to a server or restaurant owner that your host obviously knows very well.
Don't bring fleas. (Yes, this actually happened)
Make the bed, everyday.

These bring back memories. I'm sure I'll think of more.
If these things have never crossed your mind, then you have no probs.

[lotsofmagnets]

well, as a matter of fact, being a member of couchsurfing and having at least a guest each week i have muchos experience in this field. the goal is to be as invisible as possible. of course i don´t mean that as the person you´re staying with won´t want you around but keep everything you bring with you to a minimum, and keep it neat. try not to use everything they own and pitch in for food and any travel expenses that you are involved with. if it´s just you staying with just your friend there are no dramas but if there are more than one of you, esp a SO than be very careful not to be exclusive. keeping to yourselves thinking it is polite isn´t. i don´t see the towel as being a big issue as i´m wise enough to have more than one and have no hesitation letting a guest use one. i´ve tolerated sex on the bed (it was funny to me and i clean sheets after guests anyway) and blood (they got most of it out but things happen...) after all of this it´s not rocket surgery and if you put yourself in your friend´s shoes and think about what he´ll appreciate then you´re on the right track. i think the most important thing is this: BE FUN. i cannot stress that enough

[Willravel]

Oft forgotten rules:
If you plug the toilet, plunge it.
Don't try to sell them drugs that are cut with filler.
Don't put their hands in warm water while they're sleeping.
Try not to wake up on fire.

[telekinetic]

Originally Posted by Martian

By far the most important tip. One should always know where one's towel is.

Towel? For serious? I've never brought a towel anywhere or expected my guests to do the same. In fact, I'd be a little weirded out if they did.

[ShaniFaye]

I am quite attached to my large bath towel, I find most people I have visited have regular size towels and I cant stand them lol so....normally I take my own with me

[Cynthetiq]

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

I am quite attached to my large bath towel, I find most people I have visited have regular size towels and I cant stand them lol so....normally I take my own with me

I hate regular sized towels, but I don't bring my own... too bulky in the suitcase.

BATH SHEETS RULE!!!

[Martian]

Originally Posted by twistedmosaic

Towel? For serious? I've never brought a towel anywhere or expected my guests to do the same. In fact, I'd be a little weirded out if they did.

Sigh.

[telekinetic]

Edit: Oh wait, we're just giving joke advice? Sorry I actually answered the question.

[The_Jazz]

Originally Posted by Martian

Sigh.

For the record, I got it and chuckled. It was a little obscure, but not overly so. I've certainly been guilty of make more obscure ones that that.

These days I stay in a hotel. I'm an adult and I can afford it. That said, we have a guest suite in the house with it's own bathroom, TV, etc. and we get lots of visitors there. Usually all we ask for is being willing to play with the kids and cooking us a meal with our ingredients (don't go buy anything special) if you're going to be there more than one night. The good guests strip the bed when they leave (with the towels). Beyond that, they pretty much need to be ready for kids that get up at 6:30 am.

[JumpinJesus]

I think the idea of brining your own towel - aside from being Arthur Dent - is so you don't transfer any dangerous skin-eating fungi to your hosts, or them to you. Also, people wipe their bottoms with those things after a bath, and then later, you go and dry your face.

That's why you always bring your own towel. You should dry your face with only your bottom cooties.

[Cynthetiq]

Originally Posted by The_Jazz

For the record, I got it and chuckled. It was a little obscure, but not overly so. I've certainly been guilty of make more obscure ones that that.

These days I stay in a hotel. I'm an adult and I can afford it. That said, we have a guest suite in the house with it's own bathroom, TV, etc. and we get lots of visitors there. Usually all we ask for is being willing to play with the kids and cooking us a meal with our ingredients (don't go buy anything special) if you're going to be there more than one night. The good guests strip the bed when they leave (with the towels). Beyond that, they pretty much need to be ready for kids that get up at 6:30 am.

thanks... I'll print this for when we stay with you on a future trip to Chicago.... :P

We generally like the service of staying in a hotel as well. There are a few people, who do insist we stay with them when travelling to certain parts of the world. We try to follow the above advice.

[little_tippler]

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

1) Don't forget to bring a towel.
2) Clean up after yourself.
3) Don't use their toiletries unless you have permission to do so.
4) Offer to buy beer/food during your stay, and show up with some kind of beer/food/wine/flowers, depending on the person you're visiting.
5) Remember to say thank you when you leave!

I'd say this is a pretty good summary. Though I don't expect my guests to bring towels, and always have some available, I always take a towel when staying with friends.

I would also like to say that this is a good test of friendship. After having stayed at several friends' houses and being received with varying degrees of good host/hostess etiquette, at least in one case, it made me seriously question the relationship. Let's just say that it was...disgusting to say the least.
I went to stay with a friend of mine and she asked me to come stay for a week with my boyfriend, in a sunny place where she had an apartment. At the time, my dad asked "have you asked her where you'll be sleeping and stuff" and I brushed it off. It was sorely regretted.

I would propose that good host etiquette might be:

1) If there is only one bedroom in the house, the host should offer to take the couch, especially if it's uncomfortable and you, the guest, can't fit in it - also if the guest was not informed of this "accommodation".
2) If there is only one bedroom in the house, the host should, when possible, offer suitable, comfortable accomodation for the guest, especially if they are staying for more than a couple of days.
2) The host should offer the guest a clean set of towels, when available.
3) The host should clean the house at least minimally to receive the guest.
4) The host should also clean up after themselves, especially if it means eating on the guest's bed or using the same facilities as the guest.
5) The host should give the guest a reasonable amount of attention.
6) The host should ask the guest whether they would like anything particular to eat for breakfast, especially if their fridge is empty and they never have breakfast.
7) If the guest is sleeping on the couch, they should be allowed to use the room as a bedroom (if it has a door and is separate from other rooms) while they are in "pajama mode" without fear of being rudely walked in on so the host can watch TV at early morning hours.

Please note that some of these can be merely formalities, not meaning that the guest will take/need every offer/gesture, only serving to make the guest feel comfortable, welcome and happy to be at the host's house. You live and you learn.

[abaya]

Originally Posted by lotsofmagnets

the goal is to be as invisible as possible. of course i don´t mean that as the person you´re staying with won´t want you around but keep everything you bring with you to a minimum, and keep it neat.

Yes, definitely. I try to keep to this rule whenever I'm visiting anyone, even if it's for a long-term stay. Try to be as invisible as possible--keep your belongings tidy (not sprawling out in all directions from your suitcase, for example), clean up any bathroom mess than you might make, and in general, be considerate of what the other person considers to be their Ideal Space. I even hold to this standard when I go home now, since I'm basically "visiting" my mom's place... though it can be tough to resist slipping into Ultimate Slob Mode at times, I try to hold out.

[Willravel]

Originally Posted by abaya

Yes, definitely. I try to keep to this rule whenever I'm visiting anyone, even if it's for a long-term stay. Try to be as invisible as possible...

Like wearing a burka and carrying an assault rifle?!

[abaya]

Originally Posted by Willravel

Like wearing a burka and carrying an assault rifle?!

It's not a burqa, it's an abaya!! Get your oppressive garments in order, man!!!

[Willravel]

Originally Posted by abaya

It's not a burqa, it's an abaya!! Get your oppressive garments in order, man!!!

Heheheh... oh I know. Why do I tease women who have assault rifles? Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment.

[soma]

All good advice. Thanks

If I have space in my bag, I'll definitely bring a towel. At the very least, the towel vs. noTowel deal will be a good way to start a conversation.

[robot_parade]

Never, ever masturbate all over their cat.

Ok, ok. Serious advice:

Don't be afraid to mention what it is that you want or need in a non-obnoxious way. When I have a guest, I want to meet their needs in a reasonable way. If something bothers you, then Let Me Know. Are you cold? I can turn up the heat. Or provide a blanket. Or tell you to deal. But if you just suffer in silence, then don't drop hints later in the visit.

:-)

Yes, that's directed at a particular guest of mine, in case that wasn't obvious.

[JumpinJesus]

Originally Posted by robot_parade

Yes, that's directed at a particular guest of mine, in case that wasn't obvious.

the masturbating over a cat part?

What kind of houseguests do you have, exactly?

[lotsofmagnets]

aww man missed it by a few days

Originally Posted by little_tippler

I would propose that good host etiquette might be:

1) If there is only one bedroom in the house, the host should offer to take the couch, especially if it's uncomfortable and you, the guest, can't fit in it - also if the guest was not informed of this "accommodation".
2) If there is only one bedroom in the house, the host should, when possible, offer suitable, comfortable accomodation for the guest, especially if they are staying for more than a couple of days.
2) The host should offer the guest a clean set of towels, when available.
3) The host should clean the house at least minimally to receive the guest.
4) The host should also clean up after themselves, especially if it means eating on the guest's bed or using the same facilities as the guest.
5) The host should give the guest a reasonable amount of attention.
6) The host should ask the guest whether they would like anything particular to eat for breakfast, especially if their fridge is empty and they never have breakfast.
7) If the guest is sleeping on the couch, they should be allowed to use the room as a bedroom (if it has a door and is separate from other rooms) while they are in "pajama mode" without fear of being rudely walked in on so the host can watch TV at early morning hours.

Please note that some of these can be merely formalities, not meaning that the guest will take/need every offer/gesture, only serving to make the guest feel comfortable, welcome and happy to be at the host's house. You live and you learn.

i´m going to have to disagree with LT on this one somewhat strongly. i am a mamber of couchsurfing and, living in reykjavík, i have had a LOT of guests come through so i am under no illusions as to how i should host and i know exactly wht i expect from guests. (my profile is here) firstly, i´m going to contradict myself and say that everyone is different and every host and every guest have their own requirements and preferences. one thing that we are pretty much in univeral argeeance on is that the onus is on the guest and not on the host, after all, the host is offering their accommodation and facilities without charge (otherwise they would be a hotel ) i will only host people i know i am going to be able to accommodate. i have a few air mattresses so can have up to 4 people here although i almost never have more than 2. as a host i try to help out guests with plans they have, and to show them a bit of how iceland works from as inside as i am. i expect my guests at the very least to b courteous and engage me rather than keep to themselves (i´ve had a couple of people who have done so.) beyond that i don´t have many requirements as such but i have preferences regarding the type of people i prefer to host so ive made it pretty clear on my profile how you´ll get hosted by me. just another long-winded 2c from myself

[Derwood]

a host should never have to offer (or be expected to offer) their own bed for their guests. if you want to save some money and stay at my place, awesome. but i'm not giving up my bed for you too.

[Cynthetiq]

Originally Posted by Derwood

a host should never have to offer (or be expected to offer) their own bed for their guests. if you want to save some money and stay at my place, awesome. but i'm not giving up my bed for you too.

depends on the culture.

In some cultures that is the norm where the host gives up their masterbedroom to the guest. It is no different than allowing the guest the best cut of meat, first glass of the best wine, etc.

[snowy]

Originally Posted by soma

All good advice. Thanks

If I have space in my bag, I'll definitely bring a towel. At the very least, the towel vs. noTowel deal will be a good way to start a conversation.

Super-absorbent camping towels take up a lot less space in luggage, though they are more expensive than a conventional towel.

I pack one because the friends we visit most often are three guys sharing a house and there's no guarantee of a towel that 1) is clean or 2) smells clean (I think they leave their towels wet in the washer too long).

[Miss Mango]

Make up your sleeping area everyday. I hate when you give someone sheets/blankets for the couch and they dont fold up their bedding each morning. How are you then supposed to use the living room?

Other than that, youre my guest so little else is required of you.

[abaya]

Originally Posted by Derwood

a host should never have to offer (or be expected to offer) their own bed for their guests. if you want to save some money and stay at my place, awesome. but i'm not giving up my bed for you too.

Yeah, that's our rule as well, at least in Iceland... we have a tiny-ass one-bedroom apartment, but every single guest that's crashed here (including my parents, and aunt/uncle) has gotten a decent mattress and linens on the living room floor, which is made up for them before they arrive. That's as much as I'm going to do, considering I'm saving them at least $150 a night here (and that's for "cheap" accommodation in Reykjavík!). Give up our bed for 1-2 weeks?! No way!!!

That said, when we stayed with ktspktsp's best friend from Lebanon, in Washington DC last month (he's doing his MD residency there), he INSISTED that we sleep in his bed, and he would take the couch. He also joked around about having a threesome (he's not one to take seriously about anything like that, so it was amusing), but absolutely would not let us sleep on the couch. Of course, it was only one night, so maybe if it had been longer, things would have been different. But I felt weird sleeping there, too... since his sheets weren't newly changed or anything like that!!!

[little_tippler]

In relation to the host thing, I agree that everyone is different and we all have different standards. But that's why I said this is a good way to gauge a friendship - you learn about how well you fit with this particular friend.

My post was in regard to a particular situation. We at least agree that the guest should have somewhere decent to sleep in - and that's what I'm referring to.

If the host invites you to come to stay with them (and not the other way around), then you'd think they'd have somewhere reasonably comfortable for you to stay. I'm fine with sleeping on a couch - if it doesn't ruin my back in one night.

Trust me, if you had been made to sleep in a couch with your boyfriend where both your feet stuck out, you were so squished together you could hardly move, and the bed was hard and uncomfortable, and during the day everyone sat and ate and did all sorts of things on your bed, for an entire week, maybe you'd understand what I mean. Also, couchsurfing is likely not the same as having a close friend over - the dynamics are different, at least it would seem that way to me.

If the two places to sleep were my couch and my bed, I'd definitely offer any friends the bed - with clean sheets too. That's just me.

[dlish]

my rule s..stay out as late as possible and be out as early as possible to avoid any friction.

that way you wont have a chance to rub anyone up the wrong way

[snowy]

Originally Posted by dlish

my rule s..stay out as late as possible and be out as early as possible to avoid any friction.

that way you wont have a chance to rub anyone up the wrong way

The friends my SO and I typically stay with would kill us if we did this. When we visit, they expect to be our hosts (the reverse never happens, as we live in their hometown) and give us a choice of activities to do, with or without them (we're really familiar with where they live, it's our favorite vacation destination, and my SO used to live there). We go there not just to do all the things we like to do (frisbee, hiking, biking, outdoorsy stuff) but to do them with our friends.

[speshul-k]

Don't have sex on their bed.

[Glory's Sun]

bring you own towels.. and your own pillow.

if you're coming to my house, you're required to bring more booze than clothes..considering the booze will be used far more often.

[Daniel_]

Originally Posted by speshul-k

Don't have sex on their bed.

This rule needs a caveat:

Don't have sex on their bed, unless (I) they give you permission, or (II) they invite you to join in.

[guthmund]

Originally Posted by Martian

By far the most important tip. One should always know where one's towel is.

Nerd.
/ did not get the reference; no way, no sir, no how; is not a nerd.

I think the most important rule for host and guest alike is to be as accommodating as possible. Be flexible. I believe Christ called it "relaxed and groovy," but I could be wrong.

[shakran]

Originally Posted by Martian

By far the most important tip. One should always know where one's towel is.

Clearly, Martian is a hoopy frood.

[Punk.of.Ages]

I have spent many months of my life couch hopping in the past. I know all about proper etiquette for extended visitations.

I have a feeling staying at one of my friends' places is a little different than the norm though...

1.Sleep where you can. If you crash there, it's your bed.
2.What's theirs' is your's, what's your's is theirs'. As long as you're chipping in they'll share. Not chipping in? Leave.
3.Masturbation is to be done in the shower. It cleans itself.
4.If the owners of the house are partying, you do not have the right to tell them to be quiet because you have work. They don't work in the morning and it's their house. Don't like it? Leave.
5.Basically, keep in mind it's not your house and they're doing you a favor.

[lotsofmagnets]

Originally Posted by little_tippler

Trust me, if you had been made to sleep in a couch with your boyfriend where both your feet stuck out, you were so squished together you could hardly move, and the bed was hard and uncomfortable, and during the day everyone sat and ate and did all sorts of things on your bed, for an entire week, maybe you'd understand what I mean. Also, couchsurfing is likely not the same as having a close friend over - the dynamics are different, at least it would seem that way to me.

If the two places to sleep were my couch and my bed, I'd definitely offer any friends the bed - with clean sheets too. That's just me.

actually i was in exactly that situation 2 weeks ago in finland being squished on a couch with my close friend while my host and her b/f slept in their bed which was literally pressed up against the couch. it was either us or them and since it´s their place i was happy for a place for the nights. and she invited me to stay there, not the other way around. anyway, this is pretty inconsequential to me as my interaction witht he person i´m staying with is far more important than how confortabel my bed is.

and as for offering the bed i´ve done that on several occasions to both friends and couchsurfers. it just depends on the situation and the person. actually i bet we´re making exactly the same point but looking from 2 different perspectives....

Originally Posted by Punk.of.Ages

3.Masturbation is to be done in the shower. It cleans itself.

EEEWWWWWW

i supsect a little abstinence won´t block the drains though

[dlish]

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

The friends my SO and I typically stay with would kill us if we did this. When we visit, they expect to be our hosts (the reverse never happens, as we live in their hometown) and give us a choice of activities to do, with or without them (we're really familiar with where they live, it's our favorite vacation destination, and my SO used to live there). We go there not just to do all the things we like to do (frisbee, hiking, biking, outdoorsy stuff) but to do them with our friends.

i can see your point snowy. for me, i guess i like to do things alone and find the freedom that comes with travelling alone or with one other person is liberating rather than be caught up with people or relatives u may not exactly love.

the last time i stayed at someones was 10 years ago now. but you kindof overstay your welcome when you are there for a month. well its how i felt anyways.