Parents providing alcohol for their underage kids
 

I'll be providing all the booze my kids want, and let them have it whenever they want. I'll also be sensitive to when it'd be useful if I was gone. One major rule, though: It must never leave the house. Ever.

Go ahead and get drunk; it'll probably happen anyways. At least they're not driving with it, and it's in a controlled, less risky atmosphere. And I might even have a glimpse into their habits earlier on, and act or advise accordingly. The earlier they can learn responsibility for themselves, the better.

My kids' friends may be a tricky issue though... Other parents may not agree with my stance.

I'd rather monitor my kids then have them randomly go out and possibly get into bad situations.

It's not about 'being the cool parent'. It's about keeping my kids and other kids safe.

I'm curious what other's answer is to this question though: Why exactly do we disallow children from drinking?

My parents provided alcohol for parties we have, and a friend of mines parents do the same as well.

We were a responsible group of kids, and anyone drinking heavily would spend the night. Wed get the booze anyway, so at least then the parents are aware of what we had to drink.

You're in the UK, right? Here in the states, the drinking age is 21. I'll support that law.

My parents did not facilitate drinking simply because their religious beliefs did not support alcohol at any age.

Not sure how I'll approach the subject with any children I might have, too many years away.

Why?

Because it's the law?

The law was once different. Did you support it then?

I was less than 1 when the Drinking Act of 1984 was passed. So I can't say I had a solid opinion about it.

Alcohol is something that should only be enjoyed by people with the maturity necessary not to abuse it. Considering the incredible stigmas attached to alcohol for people between 18-20, and considering how often it leads to terrible tragedies, I would be remiss to allow my child or children to drink underage. What kind of message would that send to them? "Alcohol is so important, I think it's worth breaking the law to drink it." That's not a message I'm comfortable communicating.

My dad told me, "If you're going to drink you may as well do it at home". I wasn't yet 13 when he let me have a tiny bit of beer with dinner and wine on holidays. By high school, I was allowed to have cordials.
I've let my daughter taste what I drink-wine or winecoolers mostly.
I see nothing wrong with allowing it in the home among family. I would have a slight problem if someone else were to serve my kids drinks in their home and I wouldn't do it in mine to theirs.

I am of the opinion that binge drinking occurs with those who have not been introduced to alcohol at a younger age.

I let my son drink wine at the table and plan on providing him with alcohol when he is a teenager. He is very likely to be doing it even if I tell him no. I would rather he did it with my consent so I will know where and with whom he will be drinking.

My teenager was curious about alcohol. How it tasted, etc. I decided to remove the mystery from the picture. I let her try a very small glass of wine. The bottle had been opened a couple of months earlier...then buried/forgotten at the back of the fridge. I had forgotten to throw it away.

Of coarse, I knew that bottle of wine would taste nasty. I knew she would probably spit it out, wrinkle her nose, and ask why on earth we drink this stuff. And I was right :D

My mother allowed me to start drinking at home at around the age of 16.

I allowed my two older daughters to start trying wine and cocktails at about the age of 16, as well, but both of them have opted not to drink. It just doesn't appeal to them.

I don't know about supplying alcohol for kids parties, though. I'm not so sure I would want to encourage 'partying' and I'm certainly not in the position to give other people's children alcohol, nor would I want to have that responsibility.

My best friend went to a prom party at the house of a friend, whose father is a well-known actor. His father took everyone's car keys at the door, told them to have a great party, stay over, and he would make waffles in the morning. They were provided with beer and liquor, and they let loose, said it was a great party, and nobody got hurt or drove drunk.

I think it's nothing but responsible to introduce one's kids to alcohol in a controlled environment, and while removing the drive to drink to excess due to scarcity.

The US 21+ drinking age is just stupid and needlessly puritanical, especially considering that one can drive at 16, and at 18, be drafted, vote, smoke tobacco, and get married.

The law may be stupid, but its the law and we do have a law against providing alcohol to minors (except for your own child) so there is no way in hell Im doing that.

I have let Amanda try all sorts of things....in small sips....so far the only thing she has actually said didnt taste horrible was the Zinfandel I let her try.

IMHO, kids are naturally drawn to the forbidden. I was drinking in the streets before I was 13 and knew I didn't want my kids behaving that same way.

I've allowed them all to taste wine and beer. I served them a half-glass of champagne for New Years'. (One liked it, the other spit it out :p ) I did the same with my older daughter (she's 24) successfully.

That said, I would never provide alcohol for any of their friends. My home and supervision for my own kids is one thing, but I would not feel comfortable with them drinking anything anywhere else and would have to make that same assumption on behalf of other parents.

I did not drink anything substantial until my 21st birthday, and would not have dreamed of having my parents provide alcohol in our home (even though there was plenty of it in our wet bar, which I could have accessed any time during the many parties we had there, sans parents--but my group of friends was just not into that at all). I don't know what we'll do with our future kids. My own parents were more rebellious than I ever was... I was actually the moral authority in our house as a teenager. :lol:

I was allowed to sip from beer and wine glasses when I was probably 5 or 6, but of course it was just very tiny amounts and then I would act like I was drunk, and all my parents' friends had a laugh. I just really didn't care about alcohol until my 20s... I credit that having to a strong, smart peer group that was against whatever the cool kids were doing.

Does this mean you didn't drink until you were 21? Just out of curiosity.

I don't think it has anything to do with the law per se. Frankly, I wouldn't be opposed to the drinking age here (19) being lowered a year, for the sake of removing some of the stigma involved with alcohol.

Teenagers experiment. It's part of growing up. Denial doesn't prevent that, but a responsible parent acknowledges it and takes steps to make sure their teenager does it in a safe and responsible fashion (as much as it is possible to do so).

Perhaps it was designed that way, but I find the first post to be shortsighted and dangerous. It will only lead to binge drinking, which is bad regardless of age. Mixed with irresponsible youngsters, it's a recipe for disaster.

Last year in a Chicago suburb, there was a prom or graduation party thrown by a kid who's parents took this exact stance. They purchased all the alcohol and tried to confiscate all the keys. They missed one set, and two kids died in a car wreck at the foot of their driveway. Those parents are now in jail - and I think they belong there.

That said, Max has already tried beer (not on purpose - he grabbed a bottle while my back was turned), and I don't plan on stigmatizing alcohol for him. If he wants to try sips when he's in grade school (and by "sip", I mean exactly that - a single sip), that's fine. He'll have wine at his first communion, I'm sure, and given my in-laws, will have the occassional glass of wine by the time he's in high school. And I'm fine with that. I'd rather it not be a big mystery when he gets to the point that all his friends are figuring out how to game the system to buy it.

Man, the UK has such a massive drinking problem with kids and crime - it's a real problem that stems from a drinking culture but made worse these days by cheaper and mroe accessible booze.

Unless of course it's the law against stabbing hookers?

Considering the effects of alcohol on adolescent brain development, I certainly won't be providing alcohol for my children, nor condoning it.

These things are FAR too important for me to willingly disrupt by providing my children alcohol. I'm not naive enough to think they won't drink, but I also believe that I will be able to effectively communicate to them why binge drinking is a bad idea, even if they are already breaking the law by drinking underage.

And from anecdotal experience alone, every person I've met who was allowed to drink profusely (or provided alcohol by adults) when they were a teenager has difficulty controlling or maintaining a forward-looking, goal-oriented positive outlook. It's nothing more than an anecdote, and I doubt it holds true for the world at large. But it certainly lends personal credibility to the idea that drinking as an adolescent is a very bad idea.

I did, and I shouldn't have. Of course in the time from birth to my 21st birthday, I probably had like 6 beers and a few glasses of vodka total, and never more than one in the same week.

Oh heavens no.

I think this will be my modus operandi when I have teens. It's more or less the way my parents treated me. I think this method encourages more communication about drinking between parents and children, while also modeling drinking as a social activity (versus binge drinking). My parents always emphasized safe behavior while drinking, and that I could always call them if I was in a situation where I was uncomfortable, regardless of what was going on without fear of recrimination. I always had an out.

For the record, minors can drink in Oregon at home with parental supervision.

If 30 is the new 20 and 40 is the new 30 lets move the drinking age to 31 :thumbsup:

I'm not being serious of course, but very little good will come from lowering it to 18 or whatever, and having seen cars in 40 feet of water in a Quarry that were mostly from drunk drivers in the teens back when the drinking age was 18 in Wisconsin, I don't feel to bad for kids who want to drink and can't legally.

My parents always said I could drink at home if I wanted as a teen and I never took them up on it. First it didn't taste that good, and the concept of doing it with my parents didn't appeal to me. Drinking for me is a social activity with your peers, and quite frankly I had no desire to get drunk with my parents and I had no use for drinking beyond that. Still don't.

We all know my past with drinking so I'm not gonna get into it.


My parents provided alcohol to me and my friends. Kept us under close watch and provided rides home or a safe place to stay. 11 years later I have two DUIs under my belt, been to jail, wasted about $100,000 on alcohol, fines, and court costs.


There is no way of knowing what will happen. Your child might turn out to be just a social drinker or they might discover their true passion in life and be doomed to waiting for the bars to open at 9am. Gotta have that Bloody Mary and a High Life before work

My mom used those exact same words with me and my sister. I've had my first sip of red wine when I was 10 or so. Both my sister and I have been included in family gratherings' toasts since the age as early as 9-10. We were never given more than a sip of champagne or wine, but we felt included nonetheless. I'll be following the same mentality with my kids.

I've yet to have any kids but I've been a kid and I've always believed the sooner you start treating them like adults the sooner they'll start acting like adults. Of course some people never really grow up, but I don't accept that alcohol is to blame for anyone's poor decision making. I think people use it as an excuse to make bad decisions more than it actually causes anyone to make bad decisions.

both me and my brother were given alcohol from a very young age (i´m talking low single figures here) in all it´s forms. i think this is from coming from a slavic background. my own experience was that i never liked the taste of alcohol and if i ever drank it would be just to get drunk. i started really doing so at about age 12 or 13 and would do so only in country australia where it was fairly safe to wander outdoors being a group or 3-5 early teenagers who were off our faces. my brother definitely had a similar experience with alcohol. when we turned 18 the only difference was the thrill of buying alcohol illegally disappeared. i have chosen to never drink and drive and living 60km from the city meant that i was frequently the only sober person on a night out, which meant my friends had a perpetual designated driver. when i left au at the start of ´07 i spent 3 months in slovenia and averaged 1.5-2 litres of beer a day which took some getting used to. the culture in that country is like what i had at home which is respect for alcohol and introduction at a very young age. my observation was that people were easily able to handle large quantities of alcohol and still remain in control of themselves. the flip side to this is that the same people tend to overestimate their capabilities and drink driving is a massive problem. i´ve seen the exact opposite having moved to iceland where the idea is prohibition. alcohol here is very expensive and people are introduced to it at an older age and thus excessive binge drinking is very common (spend a friday or saturday night in downtown reykjavík to see it all happen) and people drink WAY beyond their capabilites and by about 4am the place and people in general are a mess. just on friday night i saw someone sleeping on the street outside a bar and i´ve seen so many people who can´t walk and also witnessed several fights. the flip side to this is icelanders understand clearly the dangers of drink driving and while i´m sure it does happen i´ve never encountered it and people here will make the choice very early on to drink *or* to drive. i guess when the time comes to deal with alcohol and my own children i´ll do as i see fit at the time as well as analysing how my children develop and adapting my approach accordingly.

*edit* one day i´ll look up the dictionary definition of the work paragraph....

Bad things happen to drinking adults too. That's alcohol, and it wont go away, and it will get in your kids hands if they're interested.

Whether or not bad things happen to a kid is more affected by their knowledge and priorities. That's what makes the difference, not constraints that are easily ignored.

This reminds me of teaching abstinence instead of real sex ed.

Sex isn't illegal for minors. Alcohol is.

Apples to oranges.

i'm curious what the correlation between kids wanting to drink at young ages and parents that drink regularly? my parents never had more than a glass of wine at a party or maybe a beer at a barbecue, and I never had much of an urge to drink while living at home. Sure, I drank in college, but who doesn't?

the point is, if you're drinking a sixer a night or having a scotch after every meal, does that mean your kids are more likely to crave alcohol?

back to the subject at hand: no way would i provide alcohol for my underage kids. this was a BIG deal when I lived in State College, with the police prosecuting several parents over it. the problem is, unless you lock the kids into your house, you run the risk of someone leaving the house and doing something stupid/dangerous/deadly. I'm not running the risk of one of my kid's friends sneaking out at 3am and killing someone with their car.

my parents had a very logical way of dealing with this stuff with my sister and I: their philosophy was pretty much "We aren't going to tell you what you can or can't do, but you know how we feel about things (drugs/sex/booze), and we trust you'll make the right decision." Nothing makes kids want to do something more than when their parents flat out banish it

I am really surprised to hear from so many posters that they too would provide alcohol to their underage children because they figure they are setting a positive example by teaching their children to use alcohol responsibly. How is allowing your teen-ager to drink teaching responsibility? By breaking the law you are showing your child you have no respect for it and they don’t really have to have any either. By telling your kid I know your going to do it anyway so I would rather you do it in front of me, only teaches your children you are weak and they will continue to reach toward more adult behavior because well hell, mom and dad know I am going to do it anyway so what ever. Children have enough insecurities and stress to deal with just trying to get through puberty, why would you add to it by giving them illegal and irresponsible outlet?

But more importantly children, and yes teen-agers are children, are not responsible to handle the consequences that come with drinking. The feelings and emotions that are involved when getting drunk, knowing when to say I have had enough, lowered inhibitions, all of which are hard for adults to control let alone a child. All while teaching children that drinking is a fun way to let loose without teaching them the moral responsibility of drinking. Soon drinking will become a past time, and as a previous poster said, people like to drink socially. they will drink while out with their friends because it is the same fun feeling they have when drinking at home, only better there will be know parental supervision.

What ever happened to letting children be children? They have their whole lives ahead of them to make adult decisions, why ask them to make them before they are ready?

The problem with "letting children be children" is that really we aren't talking about six year olds (or at least I assume no one is), we are talking about 16 year olds and older, many of whom are 18+ and therefor "adults" in the eyes of the law. Even at 16 I wouldn't call them children anymore, adults? No but also not children.
Up here the drinking age is 19, the thing is kids are going off to college at 18. Do you think they aren't drinking there?
How many of these "adults" are suddenly given total freedom including the availability of booze? I'd rather my kid at least understand something about drinking. Including the fact that there are dangers from drinking too much.
That said, I have zero intention of buying booze for my kids other than allowing the occasional glass of wine with dinner on a holiday (which last I looked is legal here in Ontario). My dad never bought booze for me so if my kid wants booze he'll have to get it the old fashion way... get the friends older brother to buy it for them.
I will, however, give them the same deal that my parents gave to me.
1) Don't ever lie to me about if you have been drinking or not. I will know.
2) Don't ever drive while drunk or get a ride from someone who is. If you have to call a cab to get home instead, I will pay for the cab. You will pay me back, but my rates are reasonable and may be in the form of chores instead of cash.
3) Understand that drinking underage is illegal and if you get caught, I'm not paying the ticket, you are.

As I stated in my earlier post....it is not illegal to give you own child alcohol....it is illegal to give other peoples children alcohol....

and personally I dont see the problem when my child says "Can I see what that tastes like" in letting her. I remember what it was like to have parents that under no circumstances would let me try anything....so I was 14 hiding in the woods with the neighborhood kids drinking koolaid punch made with whatever someone could filch from their parents just to see what it was all about and usually ending up pretty sick lol

18 and of legal adult age is different I guess I wasn't clear on that in my op. I also like the deal you have given them; it is reflective of the one I have talked about with my own son.

Giving your child a sip of your drink is an entirely different scenario then buying them a few six packs or a bottle to booze it up in the family room, just my opinion.

So, if your parents had allowed alcohol in their house you would have been 14 sitting in your living room with the neighborhood kids drinking koolaid punch made with whatever just to see what it was all about and usually ending up pretty sick?! How is that better or more responsible? Perhaps more comfortable, but not certainly not respectable.

I would be embarrassed to have my children drinking, thinking that I was not a good parent. It is irresponsible and disrespectful to break a law on purpose in front of your children. It just is. It shows them that they are separate from society and not a part of it.

It is very different to allow a child a sip of wine from your glass than to "allow alcohol" and to actually buy it for them. I cannot imagine looking at my daughter at 16 and saying, "Mary, Im on my way to the liquor store. Do you have your list written?" or "Dont forget to salt the rims, dear." Please. Fuck that.

Edit: In my house it wasnt an issue. It wasnt forbidden or not, it was talked about on the periph and the expectation was to respect the parents who in turn cared for and respected the children. It worked to get them to college and then they were considered adults, and their decisions their own (of course we didnt abandon them either). And we respected their adult decisions or learned to respect them.

Drinking is an adult pleasure. We have so few of them.

oh I totally agree on that (just wanted to make the distinction that no matter whether its a sip or a whole beer, its not illegal)

No, if my parents had ever let me have a sip of something now and then so I could see what it tastes like I probably wouldnt have been sneaking off and drinking concoctions that other people came up with and getting sick from them. I never said there wasnt alcohol in the house, I said they wouldnt let me have any and it was under lock and key so there was no chance of me getting to it

You'd be well-off to remember that this is different from state to state. In Colorado, it's illegal to give your own children alcohol, also.

really? thats not what this page says (though I will conceed you are right and that not ALL states allow it...but Colorado does)

http://www.alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.g...tateProfie.asp

Colorado
as of 1/1/2007

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Underage Possession of Alcohol

Possession is prohibited WITH THE FOLLOWING EXCEPTION(S):
• private location AND
• parent/guardian presence and consent
• one or more specified religious, educational, or medical purposes



Notes: Colorado enacted 2004 Colo. Sess. Laws 294, which added an Education exception to the "Other" category, effective July 1, 2004.

Colorado's exception requires the knowledge and consent of the owner of the private property when minors possess or consume alcohol (in addition to the consent and presence of a parent or guardian).

Colorado
as of 1/1/2007

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Underage Consumption of Alcohol

Consumption is prohibited WITH THE FOLLOWING EXCEPTION(S):
• private location AND
• parent/guardian presence or consent
• one or more specified religious, educational, or medical purposes



Notes: Colorado enacted 2004 Colo. Sess. Laws 294, which added an Education exception to the "Other" category, effective July 1, 2004.

Colorado's exception requires the knowledge and consent of the owner of the private property when minors possess or consume alcohol (in addition to the consent and presence of a parent or guardian).

Well I'll be damned

Well, I let my six-year-old daughter have a sip of my beer. Now, mind you I drink Murphy's Stout or Boddington's Pub Ale usually so it's pretty bitter.

Her reaction? "It tastes like I'm drinking throw-up."

Sometimes a little education is the best deterrent. Of course, when she's a teenager she'll have a different attitude about it; but I'm betting she won't want to try it again until then (peer pressure is a real bitch).

As for providing alcohol for her friends when they are teenagers. Nope.

For her when she's an older teen-ager? Maybe ... we'll have to see what kind of teenager she is.

I don't have a problem with parents who allow their older teens to drink in the house. Like I said, I did and I gave the option to my own older girls who tried it but never developed a taste for it. But I cannot say definitively that it was due to an openness in the house with alcohol. And I can't say that because I did develop a taste for alcohol and I drank outside the house and did a lot of stupid stuff due to it. Not crazy or reckless, just stupid. The one good thing about my mother treating me like an adult overall (not just in regards to drinking) was that I became very aware of crazy and reckless teenage behavior and had a lot of disdain for it. Things don't change that much, lol.

But it's not safe to assume that your children won't go out and get drunk in uncontrolled environments because they were allowed to drink at home.

Nor do I imagine there are any positive correlations between drinking at home and the avoidance of binge drinking or alcoholism.