Losing Grandparents
 

I just spoke to my grandad and he is clearly not well and beginning to forget quite important things.

I don't know how much longer we will have together but I want to make the most of it.

To people who have lost a grandparent/parent/loved one, what things do you wish you had said or done before they passed away? He knows I love him, but somehow that just doesn't seem enough.

There are a lot of things that people usually wish they had said or done after someone dies. I just wish had been there when my grandfather died. :(

When I lost my maternal grandfather,
I was always worried whether I had become a man he respected.

He always had such high standards, honor & integrity.

My grandmother said he had,
you don't know how much that meant to me.

I lost my grandfather in January and I wish I'd told him that I would miss him. I did tell him I love him, and I know he knew that anyhow, but I wish I'd acknowledged that I knew he was going to die. Our last conversation was so awkward - I just couldn't face talking to him about his own death. I wish I'd been more....together or something. Told him that it would be okay, that he had always been there for me and that I respected him and I'd miss him like hell, but that we'd take care of grandma. That I'd miss having someone to talk to about cars, and I'd miss him teasing me for being a feminist and a tomboy. I wish I'd written down all his stories about when he was young. All I could say was "I love you" before I started crying and had to put the phone down.

If he's beginning to forget important things, ask your granddad now to tell you some stories about his life, and record them somehow. You won't regret it.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.


Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.


Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

- Dylan Thomas

First of all, I'm sorry for your loss, lurkette. If it helps at all...he knew. <b>All</b> grandparents know. I know what you mean about writing down his stories. My grandfather passed away in 1985. The stories that he used to tell me get fuzzier all the time. There is history there that will one day be gone forever.

So...I would have to second lurkettes response here. Get those stories now, people, before it's too late. Record them, write them down. Even if it's not important to you right now....it will be, one day.

A few years ago I lost my grandfather. It really had a devastating affect on our family. We knew about a month and a half before he actually passed away so luckily I was able to really, really talk to him and somewhat we said our goodbyes. We loved each other very much but 4thTimeLucky is right, it just does not feel like enough.

I vividly remember what it was like when I found out he did not have long left. It made me think about all the things I would never get to do again or never got to do at all. All the things he could have taught me that I will never learn. As a kid and a teenager, you do not think about that kind of stuff though. You love someone dearly but you don't realize that it truly is the little things that matter.

It may sound corny but if you ever go through this situation I promise it will help. So to everyone I say this..

Take time to smell the flowers.

With all the people you love, do not take them for granted. Spend as much time with them as you can. Talk to them, do things with them. Take the time to listen to them laugh because one day that laughter will be gone.

My philosophy on this is to never waste a breath, never forget to tell anyone you care about how much they mean to you while they are still alive.

I've been lucky to not have lost anyone real close to me and I'm very greatful for this. I do intend to make sure both of my grandparents know how I feel about them before they pass on.

I wish I kissed my Gran goodbye on that day in hospital instead of waving quickly and rushing to catch up with the rest of the family visiting group.

And that was the last time I saw her alive.




Here's to my dear Granny, Esme Layne, Died September 2000

my grandfather has stroke induced dementia.
he now lives in a home.
he doesn´t recognise me, so its very hard when i see him.
its even harder seeing him almost vacant, doing strange things.
i wonder if it would have been easier if he hadn´t survived the strokes... i don´t know.
either way its very hard losing (or almost losing) people that close.

Learn as much about his past as you can. My grandad had so much to share, but I was too young to fully appreciate it before he passed away.

I agree. It may seem like a hassle to go out and visit them and or hang around them but it is well worth it. Believe me when I say if the last time you ever see them and you don't really at least hug them you feel horrible. Just remember to cherish the time together.

I wish I told him I loved him :(



It's his birthday today.

Thanks 4thtimelucky for posting that, it was real nice.

I lost my paternal grandmother a few years ago. She had a stroke and just wasted away in a nursing home. It was pretty hard for my father.

My maternal grandfather was just diagnosed with cancer. It's in his lymphnodes so he won't last much longer. He's still of his own mind so we're all thankful for that. He took me to my first ball game when I was a kid. It will be especially hard to lose him. :(

Get the history, record it if you can.
There is a lot of answers to be learned from our elders to questions we have everyday.
When I was 15, My great-grandfather sent me some money and I never went to thank him or see him. I regret it to this day and he has been gone over 30 years.

Never never never never put off telling the people you love how you feel.

You may lose them slowly, or you may lose them quickly (like my own granddad.)

Fortunately, I told him just how much he meant to me.

4thtimelucky,

take the time to tell your granddad all that is in your heart. If you can't do it in person, write it out.

Best of luck, my friend.

I didn't make it home for six months when I knew my Pappa was dying. I just never thought he really would, you know. I wish I had talked to him more. I wish...a lot of things. I know he knew I loved him, but if I could've had that one last time... And I think that even if I had had all the time in the world, it wouldn't have been enough.