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Quote:

Originally Posted by Jadey

abaya, you make a couple of good points. I'm of the same opinion as you, my fiance and I are old enough that we have lived away from home for quite a while (I'm 34, she's 27) and we both have good jobs and so I figured we would pay for this on our own. Little did I anticipate just how much her mom wanted to see her baby (she's an only child) have this big memorable wedding. The initial budget I put together was pretty modest since we have been looking at houses too, and I didn't want to spend a whole lot of cash on the wedding when it could go towards our new house. As things developed her parents have started to step in here and there and offer to pay for things as you've reached the point of booking someone. For example they originally offered to give a couple hundred dollars to help pay for photos, but after we met with some and D told her mom about them they agreed to pay for the whole thing. Now that we've started to look at DJ's they just told us today they would pay for half.

But one thing I keep thinking about, which you mentioned, is the guest list. I have a huge family and tons of friends and have struggled to get our guest list to 280-ish. The problem is with co-workers. I'm generally just sticking to people I socialize with outside of work, but that's still a big number. It's weird too because people I really don't talk to alot at work normally other the the cordial "good morning" or the general chit-chat, have been really interested in the wedding plans after they found out I was engaged. I get asked constantly about how the plans are going, and get suggestions for vendors and stuff. I keep wondering how those people are going to feel when they are not invited.

I really agree with Abaya. The Wedding Industry has built up an idea of this huge grande fiasco when the most important things are:

1. A wedding is a celebration of the two of you starting a life together
2. It's your special day - do what's important to you, not to society, not to everyone else (e.g. co-workers).

And to be completely honest, if you want to save on costs, shave down your guest list (less food, less booze, less invites, maybe no need for a choco fountain?). Just invite the people you want to celebrate with and DON'T invite people cuz you feel bad leaving them out - it's not their day, it's your day.

In general, people are ok with not being invited (cuz going to a wedding is a pain when you have to bring a gift for someone you don't see outside of work). Most likely, they are taking an interest because they know that planning a wedding is a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS and want to be helpful (like this mssgboard).

I recommend planning out the wedding specifics with your fiancee (the dress, the caterer, the photographer, the reception setup, the gifts, etc.) and then bringing the list to your in-laws. They can then tick off what they'd like to pay for and you won't get roped into compromising to suit their vision of the "perfect day" for their daughter. Plus, you'll get exactly what you want.

Congratulations! :)