Thinly veiled compliments
 

'Thinly veiled compliments' - typically "thinly veiled" describes insults, but in this case it seems to apply to both.

My girlfriend has very noticeable changes in hormones and attitudes the week before her "time of the month," and I know that it is extremely difficult for her to stay herself in the wake of the hormonal imbalance. I absolutely love it when she is able to maintain a positive outlook and attitude during this time, and I want to be able to recognize and compliment her on such.

However, things like "Thank you for being so nice!" inherently imply that there is ordinarily a shortage of such, and I don't want to convey that. I just want to express sincere thanks for trying so hard to overcome. Even "I know this week is really hard for you, so thank you for being so kind *smile*" seems a subtle slight in the ears of the receiver.

So how can I compliment, appreciate and thank her for being so kind to me without implying that she isn't ordinarily that way?

Or in a even more general sense, how do you compliment someone on something that they think they do all the time?

You can compliment her when it is not her difficult time as well, then it won't seem out of place. Being nice deserves that regardless of context.

If she is on the pill, she might want to consult with doctor about it. There are a few different hormonal types of birth control and the wrong match can create mood swings. In other words, her attitude changes may be artificially created.

I saw this firsthand with a former girlfriend who would start crying right in the middle of a conversation. This went on for a year until finally, and by accident, she mentioned it to her doctor who went "Oh, why didn't you tell me sooner?". After she changed types, the mood swings disappeared entirely.

Just a thought.

Just smile at her and say something like, "that's what I love about you, the way you stay so positive." Or something like that. It's something about her you do always enjoy, so let her know that, which is why what you initially said bothers you, because it only seems like something for right now and not in general, and you want her to know about it in general.

isn't it "backhanded compliments?" just checkin'.

as a quick general comment, try being really selective about when you compliment people.... save it for when they go above and beyond, don't compliment people for simply towing the line on being civil and decent. the more selective you are with praise, the more valuable it is when you give it.

What if you simply spoke less often? Like instead of saying, Thank you for being so nice, just say Thank you, and give her a warm hug. Or if she asks if she looks fat, so No, and give her a kiss.

Perhaps you are thinking too much into it? Maybe just go with your gut and say what you feel is right, and say it without thinkign too much about it..? Sometimes I find that I am an overanalzyer and I realize that I spend too much time and effort thinking about things that don't need more than 5 minutes of thought..