How do you deal with roommates?
 

Since I'm getting divorced after 15 years (oye!), I am "in-a-way-fortunate" that my mom with be my temporary roommate, for abour 3-6 months (hopefully closer to the 3-month mark).

After that I think I'm going to have to get a "regular" roommate, andI don't think I'll be fortunate enough to find a friend who needs a room. I'm preparing myself for the total stranger route, hopefully the type who needs a place to crash just during the week and goes home on weeekends (we have a lot of that out here in So Cal, long-distance commuters). I'm bummed about having to have a roommate, I really like living alone after all the crap I've been through this year.

I'd love to get your input on how you guys deal with roommates, what works for you. My concerns are that it could get weird, since I do belly dance and burlesque (with all the accompanying costuming, practice, etc. that goes with).

PLUS...ummm, how to put this...I am going to want to date. And stuff. And...I want to live my life, but I also wouldn't want to make a roommate feel uncomfortable. I really don't know how to put this, but...I just got my life back! I don't want to live a watered-down version to pacify a roommate who is covering just a third of my mortgage alone (if they were paying half, that might be acceptable--LOL!).

But to be honest, I don't even know fully yet what a non-watered-down version of my life will be. It's really an exciting time, but to go from very comfortable to pinching pennies SUCKS hardcore. :lol:

Anyways roomie advice, input, warnings, anecdotes, etc. would be considered invaluable. Thanks in Advance!

You are right off in the best position, as you are the owner of the property. As somoene who has been on the other end, it is a given that you are looking for a place where their established lifestyle meshes with your own.

I would be clear in what you are looking for a roommate when you make the posting - sometimes people expect their roommate to become their new social life, and lack of communication on this fact can possibly cause issues.

Have you considered posting a Roommate ad in your bellydance/burlesque circles? You would have a sense of compatibility in interests, and if they're anything like you, they'd be going non stop anyway.


Someone I was potentitally looking to live with back in January sent me the following question/answers about herself and asked me to answer back - they were great for preliminary lifestyle evaluations.

The gal made comments as they were relevant to the questions, such as with owner's right, she got a spot on the driveway, and that she was close with her family and there were often neices/nephews over to stay the night.


Also, she completed a Lodge Guide - it was specific to her living situation, but it detailed how things work, what she's willing to be flexible on, and what is absolutely inflexible, take it or leave it ground rules.

At the time it was the most information i'd ever gotten for a potential roommate situation, but i've decided to take her approach should I ever be in the same position and seeking a roommate - it removes a lot of the surprises.

While contemplating what you'll do in 3-6 months, why not sock even a little cash away, even if it's $25 a week or extra made from a gig?
I say this because, you may find you don't want/need a roommate. Even though the house income has been reduced, so has house expenditures; now's the time to see what you can handle. Are you refinancing the house to lower payments?
Finding a roommate is like being a loan officer-you want to make sure you're not going to be left holding an expensive bag down the road. Amonkie's questionaire is good; I'd go a little further, asking income and references and one month in advance, etc.

I agree with ng, don't assume you need that 1/3 of the house payment. Look at ways to save some extra cash. If he had a full slate of TV programming and you can get by with basic cable or no cable, cut those costs. Look at other items you are accustomed to paying that perhaps you really didn't want or need but he did. Try it on your own and see if you like it, in the meanwhile, you will have time to find a roomie that suits you if need be.

I hated dealing with roommates.

But, if you find that it is necessary, simply lay out your ground rules. And the consequences for breaking them... e.g. what you have to do to get kicked out. There are quite a few roommate sites out there, I'd look through some of them. I know that one I looked at years ago (can't remember which) actually had some questionnaires that you could use when searching for someone.

After awhile, I just ended up doing what ng and psycho dad said... starting shearing off some of my expenses to be able to NOT to have to have the roommate. Good luck though.

My roommate stories are bad. I'm not going to scare you with them yet. :lol:

I am currently going through the shearing as well - I moved in April and to be free of roommates, my rent more than doubled for the current place I have now. Granted, I could have gone for a 1 bedroom apt instead of the 2 bedroom townhouse I have now, but I wanted to be able to have my own washer/dryer, which this place has hookups for.

Some things I cut in the last month in an effort to slim down:

cancelled my blockbuster online dvd rental membership $20/mo
Downgraded internet to a Lite version - same surfing, slower downloads - cut off $15/mo
cancelled Cable - never home to watch it anyway - $45/mo
Limited eating out to 1x a week, packed my own lunches $60/mo

Right there, I saved off $140 in my monthly outgo. Turn around and put that into savings, and i can continue to have my cushion as neccessary.

...WITH AN ALUMINUM BASEBALL BAT!

Okay, seriously...

1: Don't water down anything. Confusing... why do you think you'd have to? You live in the land of fruitcakes and weirdos.

2: Roomies would figure you're dating / doing the crazy monkey sex. Turns out humans do that. Unless you want to invite in some Mormons or something.

3: Strangers make the best roomies. The less you relate, the more business-like you can keep the relationship. Its all about money, isn't it? Yes, it is.

...

This is what it is to be an adult.

Set up your bedroom like a sanctuary so that you can retire to it at any point and without fear of boredom. That way, you can live a separate life under the same roof if you wish.

That said, I presume your roomie will be an adult professional and not some green college kid looking for a frat house. Defining your rules and divisions should be a lot easier.

Find a roomate with caution of course, but this could be a positive experience in the end.

Something no one seems to have mentioned:
ok this roommate pays $x a week. What do they get for that?
Is there an expectation that they will pay part of any other bills (internet/power/phone etc.)?
What are the arrangements regarding food/cooking etc.

While my house sharing is quite a while in the past (and was exclusively in rental properties), I always thought it was important to be up front about these kinds of things. This varied from "everybody has their own food cupboard" to "everything is shared and costs are distributed equally".

I have some really close friends that I became friends with purely by sharing house and I've also shared with people who I happily have never seen again, but by and large I found it to be a positive experience.

All good points, but this one I thought needed another mention. I know that Frost was using the phrase in an ironic sense, but good fences really do make good neighbors. Not to say that you shouldn't be open, warm, inviting and all that, but everyone needs their Fortress of Solitude, a place where the outside world--even roommates--aren't typically allowed, yes?

I've had roommates most of my adult life, in one form or another, and the three key things that I think are paramount to a successful cohabitation--be it a roommate or spouse--are:
1- straightforward communication
2- incredible flexibility
3- a mutual respect for each other's boundaries

Not to say that there aren't a bajillion more things to a successful jaunt, but I find these are the three most important.

My roommate experience has always been in rental properties, so I can't offer too much advice there. I mean, maybe in order to protect yourself (financially, physically, whatever...) there are extra steps that need to be taken that renters don't really have to deal with too often. I will venture to say that since it's your house (in that you pay the mortgage) then I imagine the roommate search will be that much more easy for you since you literally hold the keys to the kingdom.

I've lived with many roomates as I was in university for 5 years. The best way to find a roomate is to get someone who has a similar personality. For example, I am a quiet person, so I like living with quiet people. I would chose someone that is relatively close to your age as well, because then you are at about the same maturity level. You don't have to be extremely picky but you don't want someone who is completely opposite to you.

Another thing I learned too, is try not to get too annoyed with the other person for little things, because we all have things that are annoying about us!