Who you date - a reflection on you?
 

I know a girl who might be attractive if she put on twenty pounds, but she's also dating someone who appears to be an absolute tool.

As she launched into this narrative about how her boyfriend lost his license, but kept driving -- crashed again into a barricade, and then ran from the scene of the crime - I couldn't help but lower my impression of her, as well. She told me that despite her bloodied face and his destroyed car that he made her run from the accident scene so he wouldn't get in trouble for driving without a license.

Then she told another story of him crashing his motorcycle and rather than get it fixed, he sold it on eBay. He advertised it as brand-new, but when the guy got the bike he realized it was all scratched up. Here, she just shrugged like her boyfriend had done something brilliant. To me, it was just unethical and mean.

Throughout the entire discourse, I couldn't help but lower my impression of her. If she'd date a guy like that, doesn't it say something about her?

Do you think who someone dates should reflect on them? Would you think negatively of someone based on something their SO had done?

If so, I wonder what people think of me based on my girlfriend, and my girlfriend based on me?

You are judged by the company you keep. Not much more to say, really.

I agree with your line of thought up to a point, but only up to a point. Someone's choice of SO more likely reveals their own character flaws. In the case of your skinny friend, I would say that her choicees in boyfriends shows more about her lack of self-respect or self-worth. Obviously someone who really cares about her wouldn't have asked her to leave the scene of an accident where she had been injured.

Hey I was going to say just that...

Well, I would think one of two things: 1.) she has little or no self respect and I would feel sorry for her, or 2.) since she is dating a tool, she is probably a tool herself.

I don't think I'd make any conclusions based on his behavior, but I might based on hers, particularly in leaving the scene of an accident.

Judging one person based on the actions of another is something that is done, but I'm not sure it's really fair.

Gilda

"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends."

Exactly. One of the many factors that lead to ending of the relationship between my ex and I was her refusal to accept the fact that how she presented herself was a reflection upon me in the sense that she displayed to the world exactly what I enjoyed in an SO, what I believed myself to deserve in an SO, and my own sense of self-worth.

This is exactly why looks are so important - a first glance probably reveals more about a person and their sense of self than six months of continual talking ever could.

And as for the two mentioned by the OP - the only thing that'd be more appropriate for those two than each other would be a jail cell. Their self-destructive relationship is their business but when people get into car accidents and flee the scene of the crime and commit internet fraud - that's reckless, dangerous, stupid and illegal. If I were you I'd scrounge for details and phone in an anonymous tip.

Indeed, indeed. However when it comes to relationships...things to get a bit more complicated. I would sleep with girls I wouldn't date and be friends with girls I wouldn't take to bed. So in the end, somewhere between love, desire and companionship people can make some pretty fucked up choices when it comes to the company they keep. Of course that is the exception to the rule...most of the time Sultana's words are bang on. Infact, I'll take it further - you are reflected in the company you keep.

Poor gal, she's just young and addicted to the way she feels when she's with him. She'll grow out of the "bad boy" thing.

And if you don't mind, what do you mean by "tool"?

Tool, some definitions

On the one hand, she probably can be judged by the company she keeps. On the other hand, she might keep that company because of facets of her personality that she needs to work on and isn't in a good place to work on them right now. I'd say it's to esoteric to call on our parts- for you, if you like her then stay friends with her, if you feel her actions speak louder than her words, then do what you have to do.

It's definitely a reflection on them but the question is whether you have the wisdom to see what it's really reflecting.

My mom had a term for the kind of girls I pick up: Retirement Fund

No really...some of them attending school to become doctors, nurse or even oil field worker!

I think this is a particular situation you're referring to but then you're asking us to generalise.

In relation to the specific situation you describe, I'd feel that she'd made a poor choice of boyfriend but that could be due to several things, such as: being too young to know better, having low self-esteem, being a bit of a tool herself. Then I'd also think less of her because she didn't stand up to her boyfriend about running away from an accident scene, her and him, and this says something about her own ethics, or lack thereof.

In general, I think that my opinion of a person is influenced by the company they keep, in proportion to how well I know them and how close I am to them. If I know them well, I'm more likely to think that they are just fragile/have low self-esteem if they keep bad company. If I don't know them well, I may judge them more harshly and think less of them because of their keeping bad company. The opinion I have relating to the company they keep will also be influenced by the type of action that was taken by said company, if it's something minorly offensive/illegal/uneducated,/ignorant/mean/serious or not.