What do you call your SO's parents?
 

I'm 22yrs old, been dating the same girl for over a year and a half... but I still have trouble addressing her parents by their first names.

I was raised in a pretty traditional way, my parent's friends were always "Mr and Mrs. so and so". Basically all adults were referred to as Mr. or Mrs. I don't have this problem with co-workers. I've served a co-op with a fortune 500 company during my time in school and I had no problem referring to everyone by their first names (never met any of the real high up executives though).

Anyway, I guess my problem is that I feel it shows a lack of respect on my part with regards to my girlfriend's parents. Her mom is a teacher and gets called by her last name all the time so she much prefers I call her by her first name, m'am is even a no go. I do my best to call her "Julie", but I still find it difficult.

Not really looking for an answer here, the answer is pretty simple, she wants to be called by her first name, so that's what I do. I'd just like to know what other people call their SO's parents. So... first name, last name, "mom and dad"? Let's here it!

Elders have always been sir and ma'am to me. Raised traditional, then military cadets pounded it in.

I'll give in if they're relentless about it, though.

Yeah, this is a problem for me also. Whenever possible I just speak directly to them and try to avoid using names.

Just by their first names. Find it sorta disrespectful to my parents to call any other person mom or dad

Whatever they want to be called.

Sure, calling a senior individual by their first name when uninvited is disrespectful. When meeting a friend or girlfriend's parents, I always start out with Mr. or Mrs. (or Ms., if appropriate) X. If I'm uncorrected, that's what it stays. If, however, I'm asked to call them by their first name, I reckon it would be a greater disrespect to go against their wishes.

All in all, it's not generally that big a deal. Just do what comes naturally.

I just phrase things to avoid calling them anything at all. Eye contact usually works to get their attention. In some cases it can't be avoided and I end up refering to them by their first name. It does feel a little uncomfortable though, for the same reasons you already mentioned.

I've been married for 10+ years, and I've always called them by their first names. That's the way they want it, so that's what I do.

When I was a kid, I'd call them "mom" and "dad" for simplicity's sake - first names were too weird, and last names too formal. Then I got used to first names for a while. Now that we're married, it's back to mom and dad! But not in front of my mom. When she's there too, it's their first names again.

Confusing, I know...

I use their first names... I've rarely been one for formality unless it is asked for...

Level 1: Aquaintence: You've just been introduced to your SO's parents. You call them Mr. and Mrs. and always Sir and Ma'am. Pull out chairs and open doors, and do everything you can to show them respect. They created something pretty special, after all.
Level 2: Friend: You've known them for a while, and you are comfortable talking to them in formal and casual environments. You still call them Mr. and Mrs. unless specifically told otherwise, but it's delivered less formally.
Level 3: Good friend: You've actually told them some of your jokes, none of the bad ones, mind you, but a few. You are now on a first name basis with both parents, and you've probably met extended family by this point.
Level 4: You told them the dead baby joke, and they loved it. You can call them whatever you want.

Note: on your wedding day, it's back to Level 1 for 24 hours, after all, you're about to deflower their precious.

I'm at level 5: You call them Mom and Dad, and they have activley tried to steal you away from your own parents. They know about your arrest record, and love their grandkid(s). They have a key to your house, and visa versa, and they volunteer for daycare evn if you don't need it.

Betty & Dead!

I think it's admirable that you were raised to show respect to your elders, and starting with "Mr." and "Mrs." is a safe bet. But if they prefer to be called something else, I would do it. Etiquette is about making people comfortable, right? So if they strongly prefer not to be called "Mr and Mrs" go with their preferences.

I call mine their first names...I think I always have. We also call them "Utah Mom" and "Utah Dad" (as opposed to "Minnesota Mom" and "Minnesota Dad") sometimes to be funny.

They were instantly Roy and Lynne... Lynne is now mom whenever I feel the need to be a jackass; roy will probably never be "dad" but I'm polite, as polite as i would be saying "Mr. Brooks"

I was raised to do the mr and mrs thing, which I did with Dave's parents for about a week lol they asked me to call them by their first names, which was strange for me because it was something I just didnt do.

right before the wedding we had a talk about it and we decided on mom and dad, I call my own parents momma and daddy. I (and neither do our parents) do not see any disrespect in call thing "mom and dad" I've married into the family....they are the love of my lifes parents so none of us see any reason why his parents dont become my "parents"

"Mr. and Mrs." at first, just to be formal, then first names. After all, they're calling you by your first name, and you're not their kids. If you want to be totally cool about it, tell them you'd like to start calling them by their first names. They'll be fine about it. Usually. There are exceptions....

I knew a woman whose mother-in-law decided that she wanted her daughter-in-law to call her "memsahib" -- which is more or less Indian/Pakistani speak for "big momma head of the household." Now this woman wasn't from India, but she'd lived there as a wealthy woman and that's what her servants had called her. My friend refused to call her memsahib, especially since she didn't ask it of her son-in-laws or daughters. But this woman "just couldn't figure out" why her daughter-in-law didn't want to call her by a name which connoted submission and wasn't required of anyone else. So in the end, her daughter-in-law doesn't call her anything!

otosan (dad)
okasan (mom)

I was taught that [title] [lastname] is how you address every adult until asked to do otherwise, regardless of relative age. I still address Dr. KGB in that manner because she's never asked me to use her first name, and will continue to do so.

The exception is with students, because that's a superior/subordinate relationship, in which it's appropriate for the superior to use a first name, regardless of age.

When dating it was always Mr. or Mrs. Lastname, except for my last boyfriend's mom, who insisted I use her first name because Mrs. Lastname or Ma'am made her "feel old". It made me undomfortable, but I did it, though I really can't understand the reasoning. It's a sign of respect and indicates that a woman is married, and has nothing to do with age. I was getting called Ma'am when I was 21 and it didn't bother me, even though it was the wrong title at the time.

I told KGBoy he could call me Gilda, but he continues to call me Dr. Nakamura, which is fine with me. It seems to make him uncomfortable to do other wise--I'm Dr. Nakamura, Grace is Mrs. Nakamura, and Sissy is Sissy. I don't know why she gets to be called by her first name, but that's how it's worked out.

I sometimes think I'm an anachronism, and that the US has abandoned the basic rules of courtesy.

The basic rule of thumb is that you call others by whatever name was used when they were introduced or when they introduced themselves. It's hard to go wrong with that.

Gilda

I call her by her first name.

We haven't used Mrs. and Mr. in Denmark for decades now..

You can't do better than what they want! I've always called my in-laws Mr. & Mrs. - for 30 years. However, my parents have nicknames they wanted my wife to call them. It's worked out well.

I started by calling them Mr. and Mrs (name here) and now call them by their first names. I always call adults by their titles until invited to do otherwise. That's how I was raised.

This brings up another point--it drives me absolutely nuts when people at the bank call me by my first name. I didn't ask to be called by my first name, and I believe they should be addressing me by my title--Ms. (name here)--since I didn't invite them to do otherwise.

Guess I'm old-fashioned like that, but I prefer to be called Ms. (name here) over my first name by strangers.

Parents of friends are Mr./Mrs. unless they wish otherwise. My wife's mothers was Ms. until she told me to call her by her first name. Her grandmother has always been "Nanna" to both her and me. Once my wife and I moved in together and got married her mom is now 'mom' when my own mother isnt around, then it is just first name. My wife calls my parents by their first name or Mom and Dad.

Regarding to what Onesnowyowl said about the bank. My personal preference is this. My first name is my name, if you want to use that, use that. I have a last name that I answer to with or without Mr. in front of it ( Army R.O.T.C ). However, I am no longer a minor, so anyone I deal with that insists I use Mr. or Ms. to address them, I will accept no less in return.

Also, any adult gets Sir or Ma'am from me when in a semi or formal setting. With close friends it seems too cheesey, but an office environment ( unless the person tells me otherwise, will receive a yes/no sir, maam in answer to a single yes or no question. Overuse of sir or maam is silly and loses the point of stating it.

When I first started dating nwlinkvxd it was "your mom" and "your dad," but now that it's been awhile, I just call them by their first names. Think about it- if your potential kid had been dating some other kid for a year and a half, would you wanna be known as a mister or by your first name? I'd say Mr/Mrs and Sir/Ma'am is fine for the first few months, but after that, they are people too, ya know! :)

Or, even better, you could ASK them what they would like to be called.

Some of you people are bothered by the most minor of things.

That being said, you can't go wrong with calling people what they want to be called, and if there is a question about that, ask.

I have been calling my mother in law Mom for what seems like forever. That is just who she is. As time went on, she really is my other mother and calling her Mom fits.

My SO does not call my parents anything, not Mom and Dad, not Mr & Mrs and not by their first names. I don't think they would mind being called Mom & Dad, as they feel that he is a son they never had. But he told me it just does not feel right.

First names. But he calls mine "Mr. & Mrs. Genuine" or "GG's Mom/Dad. I think I caught him considering calling my dad by his first name once. Didn't happen, though. He's just too respectful about it.

I'm not sure I get what you're saying. Mr./Miss/Mrs. and Sir/Miss/Ma'am are terms of respect. I don't think that would bother me no matter how long my child had been dating her SO.

Gilda

Hubby's parents used to be staff at the college I attended. Dad used to be one of my primary professors. They had to ask me to call them by their first names or to call them Mom and Dad. Usually when talking to them I will call them Mom and Dad. When talking about them to anyone else I will call them by their first names.

Hubby does the same with regards to my parents usually. My brother - we both call 'stupid' at times. :rolleyes:

My first in-laws I called Mom & Dad. We were pretty close, and I was treated like a daughter.
I call my BFs parents by their first names.

Jaime and Elena. That's what he calls them, that's what I call them. He calls my parents by their first names also, unless my mom's on the phone, then he usually says "Hi Mom" once I tell him it's her.

yeah, there is no way I'd not use mr/mrs unless specifically asked not to....and no matter WHAT I ALWAYS use sir/ma'am

I try to avoid calling them anything at all. I'm from the UK so Sir and M'am aren't really used at all in general conversation. (something you'd say to your school master but not the random shop assistant. In fact it happens to such an extent that at Christmas (granted we'd only been going out 3 months at the time) I got a card from 'sue and ian' and didnt have a clue who they were....

I call Pans mom "mom" and his step dad by his first name... I dont know what he calls my parents, but I do know that they wont settle for less than mom and dad after the wedding hahaha.

Dave and shut up bitch

HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA nice.

The whole point of the Mr and Mrs is to be respectful. If they want you to call them Bob and Martha, then doing otherwise would be ignoring their wishes. Regardless of upbringing traditions, respect dictates calling them what they wish to be called- and yeah, some people outright HATE being called Mr or Mrs Whatever.

That being said, i've had 4 serious girlfriends... I have yet to address any of them directly in a way that would require such a use of names. If you do it right, you can almost always avoid using the name. With the first, I saw her parents constantly while we went out over 5 months. The second, I was with for 3.5 years. I went and stayed with them for a total of almost two months, living with them. The third I only met her parents once and managed to avoid calling them anything and was with her for 6 months, and the forth I was with for about 6 months and never met her parents, even though her parents lived closer than any of my other girlfriends' parents did.

I've been thinking it for a while, though... when I meet "the one", i'll feel the need to address her parents directly. Unless they're assholes, in which case I'll be ignoring them. :)

I call him dad (my wife's mom died before we got married). But I know other people call their in-laws by first name, and other by Sir,and Ma'am. It all depends on them as well, on what their comfort level and desire is. But I have always liked the mom, dad it makes you into a child of theirs as well.

i still call healer's parents Mr. and Mrs. we've been togethre three years now and i STILL call them Mr. and Mrs. only because he introduced me that first day like..."mommy, this is mandy, mandy, thats my mommy"

i didnt want to seem forward by just going ahead and saying aunty and uncle(thats how we were brought up.even if they're not related.it's a form of respect.) so, i just called them Mr. and Mrs. from then on. also because it was never said to me by his mom or dad that it was ok for me to call the aunty and uncle so i just play it safe.

Dearly departed.

Mrs. O'Rights lost both of her parents before I'd met her.

Same here although if I were forced to use a name in a situation, I would use their first names. It really just depends on the parents' preferences though.

I always call people by Mr. or Mrs. until I am corrected. If they really want you to call them by their first names then don't feel like you are disrespecting them if that's what they ask for.

My girlfriend's parents have both asked to call them by their first names. I don't mind. Sometimes I catch myself feeling akward when I want to get their attention.

I have no idea what my parents have asked of her, though. We've been dating for awhile, so I hope she would feel comfortable with the idea of calling them by their first names, too.

I've usually avoided referring to my SO's parents by any title/name until I've asked their preference. After about 6 months I was referring to my ex's parents by their first names. I've yet to figure out what to refer to my current so's parents as, mainly because I'm not around them much.

I would always suggest using Mr. & Mrs. until they offer their first names. This shows them that you respect them and others, and that will score points with them.

Perhaps, in a situation before you are about to meet your SO's parents for the first time, you can ask your SO not introduce them as "my Mom and my Dad", but with the names they prefer to be called. Either that or just ask your SO what they prefer to be called, and start with that.

regardless of what their personal names are..the inlaws will always be outlaws.

I call my inlaws by their first names... With my father-in-law, it was easy to figure out what to call him... Everyone calls him by his first name, even his kids (I guess he didn't want to be called Dad). With mother-in-law, it wasn't so easy... I didn't feel right calling her Mrs. when I used her husband's first name to address him.... and I didn't feel right calling her by her first name and she's DEFINATELY not Mom to me... So I avoided calling her anything for awhile... but now I'm used to first names.

I have always called them by their first names...they would be offended if I didn't!

In our "culture", we call older folk aunty or uncle - even if they aren't really your aunt or uncle. I have no idea why. I guess Sir and Ma'am were just too formal so aunty and uncle were the next best thing.

So that's what I call mandy's parents. In fact, that's what I call her uncles and aunts too. :rolleyes:

what to call father in law
 

Great discussion. I have an interesting twist...

10 years have passed whereby I've always called the father-in-law, Mike, by his first name. This was negotiated early on, and has always been the case - never receiving a hint that this was a problem. This past week, Mike sent an e-mail out to me and some other younger generation men in the family saying he has felt disrespected all these years when referred to as Mike. Obviously there is a conflict occuring within his life...he's nearing 70, has had major health problems, and now is demanding that he is called by Either his miliary title - Captain - or Dad. He'll accept Mr."soandso", but absolutely doesn't want to be called Mike. While in the end I will honor his request with Mr., I'm also using it as an opportunity to discuss with him why the sudden change. Has anyone else seen this type of sudden change with an in-law?

I read the title of this thread and nearly died laughing at the possible implications...lol

I call her Father by his first name, and considering my relationship with her mother, I cannot state on this, or any other public thread, what I call HER, due to possible banning and legal action....
LMFAO

Well, when I had in laws, I called them by their first names. Still do. I never felt comfortable calling them "mom" or "dad". Just didn't seem right.

I just call her Sandy, 'cause that's her name. Even her nephew calls her Sandy.