favors for siblings
 

Hi,

Well, I'm looking for perspectives and comments on how I'm handling this situation.
There's quite a bit of circumstances surrounding this , so this is a pretty long post.

I own a car (1984 buick skylark for the gearheads out there) and she asked me one night last week
if she could borrow my car for the night, I obliged. Last night, she asked me again, and I said no.

The reason she wanted to use my car was because she moved from Michigan to next-door in Summer 2004
and still has expired license tags (from MIchigan) on her car. After getting a ticket for
having expired tags a few weeks ago in this same neighboring town, she no longer wants to drive
her car in that town. My sister asked me to borrow my car for the night to go hang out with a friend in a neighboring town
and possibly a bar there.

My reasons for not letting her drive my car, were a few... I don't want this
to become occuring often and becoming a slippery slope where she would use my car even more often,
(especially when I go back to school next week and during the summer when I am home)
where she would use this excuse, regardless of the town she was driving in, to drive my car
(because of fear getting pulled over again).
She's evading her responsibility (of keeping her tags current), and I thought she should compromise
one way or another
(for example either having her friend visit her instead, or travel somewhere else besides that
specific city - I mentioned these compromises the first time I lent out my car to her, to no avail).
(I admit that I did not express these the second time around, last night).


She told me that she was digusted (however, that was in the heat of the moment) with my behavior,
because I was impressing my beliefs on to her, even though we are family; and that my rationale
is not necessary, because I probably was not going anywhere that night, so my car would otherwise not
be used.
Also. she stated it would be a huge hassle to change tags (going to Michigan) and since she is leasing
the car (and I believe the lease will be up by the end of 2006); her car dealer recommended to her
that once she moved, not even to bother getting newer tags.

I was given this car by my elderly next-door neighbor who has since passed away. When this neighbor went to assisted
living, she sold the house to our family, and my parents rent it out to my sister.
I park my car in my sister's garage (it is a two-car, but the other side is filled with various
furniture and items from the deceased neighbor and from another separate sister as well).

Sorry if this is a too personal situation, but it has made me wonder of a few questions
- Should your personal beliefs be influencial in making decisions with family, and to what extent ?

Also, she and the rest of my family like to go out to eat often, and my family often asks
(especially when I am in town from school) and asks if I would like to go out to eat. It is not
that I do not like spending time with them, but I do not like going out to eat as often
as they do.


Am I worrying too much about this ? This is the first time (that I can even remember)
that I have ever had any sort of conflict with my sister (We are usually on very good terms and spend time with each other often).

(PS - Just for context, in case no one knew my age, I'm 19 and she's 28.)

catcha back on the flipside,
keyshawn

Being the oldest out of all of my sibblings (2 younger brothers, a younger step sister and stepbrother that are now like brother and sister, and 2 younger half brothers) I can see where your sister would just expect you to give in an let her borrow your car. Not that its right, but I understand how growing up being the older one makes you feel like you can boss the younger ones around.

That being said, shes almost 30 and should be able to handle her own shit. You already did her a favor and let her borrow it once. I think you're perfectly in the right for saying "No" when she wants your car just for nothing practical.

Just don't complain when she starts charging you to park it in her garage..

I once lent my car to my sister and the car was totalled. The accident wasn't my sister's fault, but that didn't change the fact that I wasn't in the financial position to buy another car.

If you are in a similar position, you might explain to your sister that even a remote risk of losing your transportation is a risk that you cannot take. My two cents.

As a renter, is it really her garage?

I guess that would depend on the rental agreement with their parents. :lol: But unless I'm misunderstanding the details, it would make sense that if he won't do her the favor of letting her borrow the car, she doesn't need to do him the favor of letting him park it there. It's only the second time she asked, it's not like this was already an ongoing problematic thing.

It might be a huge hassle but it's also the law -- she can't pick and choose what laws she chooses to follow... I strongly doubt that a car dealer would tell her to break the law...


The big question I'd ask, is she an insured driver on your car? If she's not, then no way would i let her drive it...

The one who is being an inconsiderate asshole isn't you...

Yeah, I mean, it's your car, it's your rules. She's wanting to borrow it because A) she's being irresponsible in not getting her own tags switched over and B) She wants to go hang out, potentially at a bar (meaning, how do you know she's not going to drive it while drunk?)

You can say No. Just because she's your big sister doesn't mean she knows everything, and it certianly doesn't mean she'll be safe and considerate and a good driver. Offer to help her get her tags changed if it means that much to her to have a car to drive around.

If you think something is wrong, and it's only with your complicity that it could happen, then of course you have the right to not help it happen.

You're not _imposing_ your beliefs on her; but because of her beliefs, you're refusing to go along with her plan (she uses your car instead of straightening out her own situation). You're not stopping her from finding somebody else's car to borrow; you just don't want to be part of her game, because you don't approve of it.

And she's saying, "you're imposing your beliefs on me by not _giving_ me what I want." Boy, I question who's really the older sibling here.

Yeah, what Mal said!

It's ILLEGAL to have expired tags - does she comprehend this? Registering your car is, in most states, relatively cheap, so why doesn't she just do it? It probably costs about the same as the ticket she received for not having it registered in the first place! As I recall, Michigan is a cheap state as far as vehicle registration is concerned. I just paid $350 to register my vehicle here in AZ. Ugh.

And, as Maleficent pointed out, if she's not an insured driver on your car then she has absolutely no business driving it. If she gets into a wreck, YOU'RE SCREWED. Tell her that, until she pays to be added to your insurance, she may not drive your car.

Just because she's related to you doesn't mean you have to deal with her irresponsibility with a smile on your face. If one of my brothers asked to borrow my car solely because their tags were expired and they were too lazy to get new ones, I'd tell them to stuff it.

Offer to pay to register her car locally, and then give her your old one in return for her one.

:)

seconded

and you should always let your personal beliefs be influental... What else are they for??

Heh, how about you ask her for a favor of borrowing a couple hundred dollars, lol! Tell her you want to...I dunno, rent a bunch of hookers or something. Then when she gets all morally indignant, say "I can't *believe* you'd impose your morality on me!"

Maybe she'll get the picture.

It's not like she's needing the car to go to work, and doesn't have the $ to get her tags, she wants to party and whatnot. Tell her to grow up (nicely, heh).

I feel your pain, man. But personally, i just hate it when people borrow my stuff.