There's no telling where some words come from. Like, for instance, who was the genius that one day said "I'm going to invent the word 'fuck' just so people can scream it at each other while driving down the highway."? Well, for the most part, I'm guessing we will never know how some words came into origin. But I have come up with a clearly outlined history of the greatest word ever, along with definitions and a useful synonyms list.
Part One: The Origins and Spread to the United States
From what I can trace back from archived IRC chats, the term 'asshat' was first used in the large European country of Sweden as an alternative for the word ‘asshole.’ From Sweden, by way of both train and ship, the word found it’s way to the shores of western France, where it was used by a software coder named Louis (LOO-ee) in a telephone conversation with his second cousin in Newfoundland. This great man was responsible for sending this fashionable European word to North America for all children to enjoy!
Once on the North American continent, there was no stopping it’s spread to the states. In a June 2000 memo to US-Canadian Customs agents, they were warned to not let this word slip across the border. At this point the word had such a Canadian backing that there was no way to stop it’s glorious spread. And so, ‘asshat’ was first used in the US by an Inuit man named Pukkeenegak who slipped across the border in his kayak. God bless the Inuit!
Americans were, at first, wary to this new word. They had grown up using ‘asshole,’ ‘assclown,’ (premier in Office Space) and even ‘asshead.’ What was to force them to add yet another word to their vocabulary? The Internet, of course! Using radiocarbon dating, we have determined that some of the first widespread usage of the word ‘asshat’ was in several Kevin Smith fan newsgroups, all located in California. Luckily, there are also Kevin Smith fans in the northeast United States, so the word quickly bounded an entire continent and made it to New York City.
Everyone knows that New York City is a melting pot of culture, drugs, and comedians. The Bamboni family of Brooklyn, NY was the first to use the word ‘asshat’ in common day talk. Donny Bamboni was quoted in July 2001 as telling a cashier at 7-11 to, “put the money in the bag, asshat!” Several scared patrons of this convenience store quickly jumped on planes and flew back home, carrying the word with them. And Donny took the word to Rikers Island, where all the prisoners began using the word in a different context than an insult.
It is feasible to guess that by November, 2001, the word asshat was now in full usage all around the United States. Secretary of State Collin Powell was quoth in early 2002 as saying the following at a State Dinner: (in regards to Usama bin Laden) “We have not yet found that asshat [bin Laden], but we’re sure as hell trying.”
In terms of an age breakdown, it seems that colleges students between the ages of 18-25 most commonly use the word asshat, but children as young as six have been heard using the word. Current demography predicts that by the end of 2003, the word asshat will be a commonly used word among high school students and among the 35-35 year old working class. It also appears that, through misinformation, the word is loosing it’s set definition. The next section will discuss its proper usages.
Part Two: Using Asshat Correctly
Asshat is by no means just a replacement for the word ‘asshole,’ but at the current state of the economy there is no better word to compare it to.
ass·hat
n. slang
1. A thoroughly contemptible, detestable person.
2. Tight fitting underwear
[sny: asshole, asshead, assclown, asswad, asshot, assface, prick, faggot, whitey tighties]
Part Three: Why Use Asshat?
Quite frankly, there is no better insult in the world than the word asshat. Think about it.
Scenerio 1: You are once again late for work, and the boss decides to chew you out about it. So he finishes his ten minute speech about how you should be prompt every day. Under your breath, you mumble the word 'asshat'. He will look at you puzzled (if the old man even heard you) and ask you what you just said. "Asset," you will reply. "That's a great asset to possess." You just made fun of the guy, and didn't get fired! Asshat to the rescue!
Scenerio 2: You are playing a rousing game of Counter-Strike and some hacker comes in to ruin the fun. Luckily, everyone in the room knows the secret word to repel cheaters. That's right! If you and your fellow teammate continue to call the little prick an 'asshat', he will eventually get confused and leave. This strategy will also work at parties, bar mitzfas, and other socal outings.
Asshat is new! Asshat is hip! Asshat is now! We all strive to create a new word for a generation, and this is it, folks! Asshat is something that everyone can come together and celebrate!
Disclaimer: I made all of this up. I did absolutely no research whatsoever to come up with this. If you have a problem with the way I wrote this, you are in fact an asshat.
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