How old? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

mjby2 · 11-29-2005, 08:46 AM

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking,
but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the
counter girl the very same question.

The girl replies, "I guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."

Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a
drug store on her way down the street.

She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk
this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man
waiting next to her the same question.

He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although,
when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It
sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your
bra.

Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets
the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel
around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each
breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together
and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How
old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands,
and says.

"Madam, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "that was incredible, how
could you tell?' The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?"

"I promise I won't." she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

cellophanedeity · 11-29-2005, 03:38 PM

hehe very cute.

Coppertop · 11-29-2005, 04:50 PM

Hah, that's going to be me one day.

iblade · 11-29-2005, 06:10 PM

I wonder what pleasure there is in fondling the breasts of a 50 y.o.? The last time I heard this joke, the old woman asked "I bet you 1,000 dollars that you cannot guess my age" or something like that. Makes more sense I think.

leftyderek · 11-29-2005, 10:43 PM

hahaa
it isnt the 'pleasure' in fondling the old breasts-
it's funny because it's just so wrong, SO wrong...

Sleepyjack · 11-30-2005, 03:46 AM

This joke is quite dynamic; you could easily reverse this as an old woman feeling a younger guys crotch

i guess a dodgy old guy is more effective though.

maleficent · 11-30-2005, 03:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iblade

I wonder what pleasure there is in fondling the breasts of a 50 y.o.? T

Damn youngin's....

Jeesh...

SirLance · 11-30-2005, 01:49 PM

Is that a joke or a pointer...? I think I'll have to remember that one...

...to retell it... yeah, that's why, 'cause I want to tell everyone... yeah

11-29-2005, 08:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
mjby2 Crazy	How old? A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50." Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you." While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are." They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says. "Madam, you are 50." Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "that was incredible, how could you tell?' The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?" "I promise I won't." she says. He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

11-29-2005, 06:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
iblade Crazy Location: Kyoto	I wonder what pleasure there is in fondling the breasts of a 50 y.o.? The last time I heard this joke, the old woman asked "I bet you 1,000 dollars that you cannot guess my age" or something like that. Makes more sense I think. __________________ We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.

11-29-2005, 10:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
leftyderek Crazy Location: Currently Canada. I have been in Norway in the last two years, and in Hong Kong before Norway.	hahaa it isnt the 'pleasure' in fondling the old breasts- it's funny because it's just so wrong, SO wrong... __________________ -Imagine how beautiful the world would be if we could only do things for the first-and-last time. Imagine this is the last time you would ever be able to imagine. Imagine that. -Die Lust der Zerstörung ist gleichzeitig eine schaffende Lust. -...and god said Lx1,go! and there was light...

11-30-2005, 01:49 PM	#8 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Is that a joke or a pointer...? I think I'll have to remember that one... ...to retell it... yeah, that's why, 'cause I want to tell everyone... yeah __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

11-29-2005, 03:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
cellophanedeity Heliotrope Location: A warm room	hehe very cute.

11-29-2005, 04:50 PM	#3 (permalink)
Coppertop Getting Medieval on your ass Location: 13th century Europe	Hah, that's going to be me one day.

11-30-2005, 03:46 AM	#6 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	This joke is quite dynamic; you could easily reverse this as an old woman feeling a younger guys crotch i guess a dodgy old guy is more effective though.