The Most Awesome Penis Cake Ever Made
 

Stolen from this blog over here...

---------------
So here's the story with the cake.

I call my brother up on Thursday morning, asking what he's planned on doing for our mom today, as it's her birthday. It's her 60th birthday, in fact, but she didn't want a party or anything, and we were sad. So my brother decided that we needed to do something for the woman that didn't abort us, and this something was a giant penis on her birthday cake.

He also decided that *I* should be the one to call in the order.

So after 15 minutes of building myself up to call this HIGHLY PRESTIGEOUS BAKERY THAT HAS WON NUMEROUS CAKE DECORATING AWARDS (and updating this thing), I called.

I get this nice girl, tell her we want white cake with buttercream frosting and raspberry jam with lemon custard as filling. I know. It's delicious sounding (oh god was it ever good). And when the girl asked, "Are there any decorations you would like on the cake?" I launched into this, verbatim, "...well...umm...so it's for my mom's birthday, and she's turning sixty, and she's kinda perverted, so I was wondering if you could put a penis on it if that's possible." It should be mentioned that I nearly mumbled/coughed "penis." Without a giggle or skipping the beat, she asks, "Is there any writing you want on it?" I immediately thought, "man, this girl is stoic." And then I told her that it had to read, "Happy Birthday Mom." And then she took down my name and some credit card info (yeah, standard proceedure), and told me that it'd be ready by 10 AM tomorrow. I relay this info to my brother. He's amused beyond belief, and I still cannot believe how calm that girl was on the phone.

So fast forward to this morning. My brother's evil and makes his girlfriend Kristen go pick it up, 'cause it's right by her work. So she walks in and says, "I'm here to pick up a cake for Suzanne Welsh" or something involving my name ('cause the cake's under my name), and the entire fucking bakery goes still. Like Western movie still. They bring out the cake, and guys are coming out from the back, giggling and laughing. There is now a crowd surrounding the cake, half of them holding in their giggles while the others openly laugh. Kristen openly tells the cashier to tell whoever decorated the cake that they did a fantastic job on the cake (they really, really did, and we'll get to that soon enough, you pervs). So Kristen pays and leaves, PENIS CAKE IN HAND.

So flash forward again. They're at the house, as my mom's opted for eating Baja Fresh on her birthday. She knows that we've gotten her a penis cake, that I called it in, and that Kristen got it. We've also heard that it exceeds expectations. At this point, I was expecting an outline or something crappy and hurried. Oh no, my friends. This bakery does nothing half way, apparently.

When they get to the house, I insist on seeing it immediately. And oh my God. It reduces me to giggles and overwhelming astonishment. We take it upstairs, the same goes from my mom and Gram. Kristen relays her story from inside the bakery, and we begin to take photos of the Most Awesome Penis Cake Ever Made:




(empty lines added for dramatic effect...)






























http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/4...kereworked.jpg

Note the piercings (yeah, there are two). Note the cock ring. Note the manicured pubic hair. Note the veins. Note the distinct head. There's also a urethra there, if you can see it (it's the straw holding the 3.5" frosting penis erect). Please note that I did not ask for ANY of this, aside from the penis itself, which is pornstar tan, or even ethnic. Please note that I MUTTERED that I wanted a penis as decoration for the cake.

This means that someone took a lot of time with this, and really enjoyed making it. REALLY ENJOYED IT. It's like, the penis is like, "why hello! and happy birthday, mom!" HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM. And the text is so merry and feminine. A brilliant contrast with the phallus starin' at me. I still cannot believe that they put piercings and a cockring on it. If they were to pick one family in while this would fly, it's mine.

I called my sister after I saw it, trying to relay the "OH MY GOD"ness of the thing, but she didn't really get it. It wasn't until we sent pictures that she literally repeated, "Oh my...my God...oh my God..." like six times.

There are more pictures, in case you want to see them, but I'll save them for later or something. Just ask. There's also a quick movie I did, featuring The Penis Cake. IM me for it. But oh man. Please be laughing by now, because I am, and oh God was the cake ever delicious.


(Visit the above link for the many comments on the cake.)

haha, I've seen a few penis cakes before, but thats the most detailed one yet.

where did the candle go?

That is hilarious! They sure did a good job. I think I might need to do a cake like this for my mom on the 50th! :lol:

Holy shit. That's a work of art! Seriously!

This absolutely hilarious! Really made me laugh. Thanks for sharing.

Gross! How did you do the first cut? How was it served?

Of course when she says that her mother then when on to Fellitio it...that would have killed my appetite for a couploe of days..

that's so freakin funny. God bless: mothers with a sense of humor, kids who appreciate their mother's sense of humor, and cake decorators who really get into their jobs!

I just want to know two things:

1) Does the cake get bigger if you tease it?
2) Does whipped cream come out of the straw on cue?


The only part that freaks me out is the lumpy scrotum... seriously, whoever they used as a model for this is diseased.

There are no words that can describe the humor in that, bravo.

Ummm OK - happy birthday...

my mother would keel over dead on the spot...

You say that like it's a bad thing...

wow, when my wife had her bachelorette party she had a penis cake but it wasnt as detailed. It was basically a giant eclare (Cream filling) with a head on it and cream filling coming out of the head.

The balls were ice cream cake.
One chocolate... one vanilla.

i believe it was coconut pubic hair.... which by the way would make a GREAT band name.

That cake is getting me in trouble with my customer that I have on the phone, I'm laughing so hard. . . that's GREAT!

Just because I don't particularly like the woman.. doesn't mean i wish her dead... jeesh - I'm heartless - -not THAT heartless...

Then why did I see a box for Instant Penis cake in your trash the other day? Thanksgiving plans?

Charlatan, I think that was for later. After the family festivities. ;)

Arent you paying attention.. there will be no family festivities this year... :)

Hmmm I wonder if the penis cake counts against Redlemon's thanksgiving challenge? :D

You know, I think it does.

So Mal? How did things work out between you and your Penis cake?

Holy crap. The piercings are what really take it over the edge. I can't believe the bakery went that far. Kudos to them for taking the joke and running with it.

That's great! Nice to see the bakery going beyond the call of duty to floor the customer.

Holy shit, I can't stop laughing!

In a past life I was a baker (not a cake decorater, that's a whole 'nother job) and I'm trying to picture one of the front girls coming into the back of house and telling me we need a penis cake. I'm trying to imagine the look on the cake decorator's face.

That's just fucking brilliant.

That is one awesome cake. It astounds me where half of the creativity might've stemmed from...And the receptionist's aloofness with the whole thing. These bitches are experts aren't they ? LOL

ok two questions..

1) who got to eat the shaft?

2) how much did it cost?

That truly is an awesome cake!

Gotta love a good sense of humor!

That's the funniest, yet best cock, er, uh, CAKE, yea Cake I've ever seen!! :))

this is so so so details ... i wouldnt want to bite it... ouch

"As for the fate of the frosting phallus? My mom got it. We were originally going to cut it off and freeze it (and potentially mount it on the wall in the living room), but my mom attacked it and proceeded to fellatiate it, much to the combined horror of me and my brother. Kristen laughed. ... And as for how much I paid for it, the cake cost $33. It was for 6-8 people, was about 6"-7" tall (not including Mr. Penis, who was about 4" tall-ish), and about 10" in diameter."

That is one amusing piece of baking art. Awesome!

I forwarded this to my hubby at work and have since been informed that the entire squadron has stopped by for a peek (after said hubby spit his coffee all over the keyboard). :lol:
That's the best cake I've ever seen...but I gotta agree with Charlatan about the scrotum. It's a lot lumpier than the models I've seen.

Amazing!
(My mom - RIP- would never have been game for that)

I was just thinking about this post the other day, and here I am trolling through humor and finding it. A well deserved bump.

The girl I just went out on a date with has a penis cake baking pan.

Hot. Anything to make 'em wanna put weewaw in their weewaw-polisher.

Wow, back from the dead. Still funny.

back from the dead 'cause its still funny...

anyone also notice that its circumcised? must be a muslim or jewish dick

Too...many...circumcision...jokes...!!!

Jewish...humor...on...critical...overload...!!!

Great looking cake! Did you want it to be a LOT BIGGER?