The Amazing Hypnotist - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

SirLance · 07-08-2004, 06:13 PM

It was opening night at the theatre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Shit!" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the theatre.

Slauncha Man · 07-08-2004, 08:27 PM

Heh. Hehehehe. The six-year-old boy in me is rolling on the floor with laughter. I'll save that one for a date.

mofonyx · 07-08-2004, 09:41 PM

LoL!

Haha!

freeload · 07-09-2004, 02:40 AM

Great joke!

G5_Todd · 07-09-2004, 05:27 AM

Delvid · 07-09-2004, 10:12 AM

That is the best joke I have heard for a long time.

tekaweni · 07-09-2004, 10:43 AM

Agreed, that was really REALLY funny - thanks!

nogoodreason · 07-09-2004, 10:51 AM

that was great.

truly funny.

absorbentishe · 07-09-2004, 10:51 AM

That's a good one, one to tell later.

h4w4ii4n · 07-09-2004, 11:56 AM

hehe good one. i need to save this one for later

p0thead · 07-09-2004, 01:48 PM

hahah this is a really good one... cant wait to tell it

KMA-628 · 07-09-2004, 04:58 PM

a keeper

Dilbert1234567 · 07-10-2004, 11:01 AM

\lost

gozlanfrog · 07-12-2004, 07:49 PM

good'un

bullmoose · 07-13-2004, 07:27 AM

A good one to pass around the office today. Thanks.

ShakaBauer · 07-13-2004, 07:46 AM

E-mailed it to my wife.

Grazie.

denim · 07-13-2004, 09:29 AM

What if he'd said "fuck"?

Dilbert1234567 · 07-13-2004, 12:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by denim
What if he'd said "fuck"?

oh i get it now

\not afraid of being slow

crackpot · 07-14-2004, 11:02 AM

Nice one, heh heh.

CamaroRS1967 · 07-19-2004, 08:24 PM

Worth a response!

Jadedfox · 07-22-2004, 04:47 AM

LMFAO!

--jaded

Ripp3r · 07-22-2004, 04:52 AM

hehehehe

nice one indeed

assilem · 07-22-2004, 07:47 AM

I love the visual I got from that. Kinda like the scene from Stand By Me when everyone starts puking at the pie eating contest.

edwhit · 07-22-2004, 01:14 PM

unoaman · 07-28-2004, 12:00 PM

Great joke...denim hit the nail on the head with his question!

Sticky · 01-01-2006, 11:18 AM

I was just about to post this.

Really funny

loganmule · 01-01-2006, 11:48 AM

very funny, and makes for a good visual

SirLance · 01-01-2006, 11:49 AM

Sticky, thanks for reviving this thread, it's one of my favorite jokes!

Zeraph · 01-01-2006, 01:11 PM

That is a good one. Havn't heard it before.

mazak · 01-01-2006, 04:33 PM

hilarious,thanks

07-08-2004, 06:13 PM	#1 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	The Amazing Hypnotist It was opening night at the theatre and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, "Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations." He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch...." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "Shit!" said the hypnotist. It took three weeks to clean up the theatre. __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

07-08-2004, 08:27 PM	#2 (permalink)
Slauncha Man Crazy Location: Ann Arbor, MI	Heh. Hehehehe. The six-year-old boy in me is rolling on the floor with laughter. I'll save that one for a date. __________________ -Slauncha

07-09-2004, 02:40 AM	#4 (permalink)
freeload Done freeloading here Location: on my ass :) - Norway	Great joke! __________________ The future ain't what it used to be.

07-09-2004, 05:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
G5_Todd Junkie Location: Reichstag	hehe __________________ "....and when you men get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy." -General Franks

07-09-2004, 10:43 AM	#7 (permalink)
tekaweni It wasnt me Location: Scotland	Agreed, that was really REALLY funny - thanks! __________________ If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten

07-08-2004, 09:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
mofonyx Banned Location: On a couch before a screen	LoL! Haha!

07-09-2004, 10:12 AM	#6 (permalink)
Delvid Insane Location: Missouri	That is the best joke I have heard for a long time.

07-09-2004, 10:51 AM	#8 (permalink)
nogoodreason Insane Location: in your imagination	that was great. truly funny. __________________ I'm not sarcastic. I mean it.

07-09-2004, 10:51 AM	#9 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	That's a good one, one to tell later.

07-09-2004, 11:56 AM	#10 (permalink)
h4w4ii4n Upright	hehe good one. i need to save this one for later

07-09-2004, 01:48 PM	#11 (permalink)
p0thead Insane Location: born in vietnam, lost in california	hahah this is a really good one... cant wait to tell it

07-09-2004, 04:58 PM	#12 (permalink)
KMA-628 ....is off his meds...you were warned. Location: The Wild Wild West	a keeper __________________ Before you criticize someone, you need to walk a mile in their shoes. That way, if they get angry at you.......you're a mile away.......and they're barefoot.

07-10-2004, 11:01 AM	#13 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	\lost __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

07-12-2004, 07:49 PM	#14 (permalink)
gozlanfrog Upright	good'un

07-13-2004, 07:27 AM	#15 (permalink)
bullmoose Wookie Location: Howdy from Oklahoma	A good one to pass around the office today. Thanks. __________________ Rehab is for quitters.

07-19-2004, 08:24 PM	#20 (permalink)
CamaroRS1967 Insane	Worth a response!

07-22-2004, 04:47 AM	#21 (permalink)
Jadedfox Egocentric Location: World of Warcraft	LMFAO! --jaded __________________ There is no fucking you, there is only me.

07-22-2004, 04:52 AM	#22 (permalink)
Ripp3r Tilted Location: Dublin, Ireland	hehehehe nice one indeed __________________ We All Have Questions What Seperates The Men From The Boys Is The Ability To Use Google To Find Our Answers

07-22-2004, 01:14 PM	#24 (permalink)
edwhit Tilted	hehe

07-13-2004, 07:46 AM	#16 (permalink)
ShakaBauer Crazy Location: Deep in the Woods	E-mailed it to my wife. Grazie.

07-13-2004, 09:29 AM	#17 (permalink)
denim Banned Location: Massachusetts, USA	What if he'd said "fuck"?

07-14-2004, 11:02 AM	#19 (permalink)
crackpot Junkie Location: Montreal	Nice one, heh heh.

07-22-2004, 07:47 AM	#23 (permalink)
assilem Insane Location: Eternity	I love the visual I got from that. Kinda like the scene from Stand By Me when everyone starts puking at the pie eating contest. __________________ The mother of mankind, what time his pride Had cast him out from Heaven, with all his host Of rebel Angels

07-28-2004, 12:00 PM	#25 (permalink)
unoaman Loser Location: Scenic Drive	Great joke...denim hit the nail on the head with his question!

01-01-2006, 11:18 AM	#26 (permalink)
Sticky	I was just about to post this. Really funny __________________ Sticky The Stickman

01-01-2006, 11:48 AM	#27 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	very funny, and makes for a good visual

01-01-2006, 11:49 AM	#28 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Sticky, thanks for reviving this thread, it's one of my favorite jokes! __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

01-01-2006, 01:11 PM	#29 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	That is a good one. Havn't heard it before.

01-01-2006, 04:33 PM	#30 (permalink)
mazak Crazy Location: louisianna	hilarious,thanks