Two Snail Jokes - Forgive Me If They're Repeats
 

A snail goes to a Cadillac dealership and buys a new car. But when he buys it he has specific instructions for the dealer. " I want you to give it a paint job" says the snail.
"Sure, what colour?" says the dealer.
"I want you to paint a big red S on the hood, the doors, the roof and the trunk." instructs the snail.
"Sure thing," says the dealer, "but can I ask why?"
The snail looks at him and explains:

" So when I go driving up and down the strip all the people watching me say "Look at that S Car Go!!!!


And Number two.

A snail walks into a bar. Walks up and orders a beer. The bartender says "we don't serve snails here."
The snail objects, and the two get into a long, heated argument about it. Finally the bartender gets pissed off, and flicks the snail as far as he can off the barstool, and the snail flies across the room...

...A year later the bartender is doing a shift, and he looks down, and wouldn't you know it, he sees the snail there. The snail looks up at him and says "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR???"

*groan*

Wah-wah - laugh track

The first one is from the Eddie Murphy movie "Trading Places"

oh man, the first one is great! I love punny jokes!

Adding to the snail jokes (I call these my Snail Trilogy)...

What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back?
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!"

A snail gets jumped by three turtles. The police ask him what happened, he says, "I dunno! It all happened so fast!!"

A guy opens his front door to get his morning paper, and there's a snail sitting on his front step. He kicks the snail off and goes on with his day.
Five years later, there's a knock on his door. It's the snail. The snail says, "What the fuck?!?!?"

No, the first one is from a joke book I got in 2nd grade -- about 30 years ago. Probably even older than that.

Still funny after all these years.

Hmmmm.... maybe we've got the makings of a sticky thread....

No, sorry, that's the snail goo...