Turn a horrible story into a great/cruel joke... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

waxmax · 03-05-2005, 11:04 PM

This is my absolute favorite joke. Try it and let me know how it works out for you.

This joke works well with new parents or if you're just chatting about crazy shit you saw on the news. Works even better if you tell it to a group of friends/co-workers. Whatever...this joke has NEVER failed to get a huge reaction but it must be told with conviction.

Joke:
"Yeah, they had this story on the news last nite about a new mom who just had her first baby. She was a single parent. Deadbeat boyfriend is nowhere to be found. She was at the hospital alone giving birth. After being discharged from the hospital, she tells the staff that she will be driving home alone. She puts the newborn in the backseat. She leaves. The girl then stops off at the liquor store to get a case of beer. She really can't lift anything as heavy as a case of beer so a clerk helps her to the car. She opens the backseat door and the clerk THROWS THE CASE OF BEER INTO THE BACKSEAT WITHOUT LOOKING!"

***PAUSE. DO NOT SAY A THING UNTIL YOUR AUDIENCE SPEAKS FIRST!!! LET THE THOUGHT OF POOR SQUISHED BABY FORM IN THEIR HEAD.***

***the 'punchline' will follow after the next explaination***

-You don't need to get into a lot of detail with the story. The main thing is to convey these main points:
*single mom
*baby in backseat of car
*giant case of beer thrown into backseat of car
*YOU SHOULD NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A SQUISHED BABY!!!

OK, you gave your 'story'. You pause for effect. If you told it right, the person who was listening should realize that newborn vs. case of beer is very bad. Your friend/family member/co-worker should have a look of absolute horror on their face. It's awful. How could a new mom stop off for beer while driving home with her new baby? How cruel! How heartless!

You friends finally ask, " HOLY CRAP! DID THE BABY GET HURT/KILLED/SQUISHED???"

Punchline:

"Nope, the baby was OK. Luckily it was lite beer"

***keep an absolute straight face until the cruel joke sets in***

Scorpion23 · 03-06-2005, 07:30 AM

oh god, I have to tell that one.

frogza · 03-07-2005, 12:27 PM

That is now on my to-do list.

frogza · 03-08-2005, 06:05 AM

Did it and it worked great. I may have upset my grandmother though.

SirLance · 03-08-2005, 02:49 PM

I have just the group...

TexanAvenger · 03-09-2005, 05:20 PM

Alright, my friend's crying now... Looks like he'll stop laughing sometime around next week.

waxmax · 03-09-2005, 06:54 PM

This joke is pure evil. I love it.

CSflim · 03-15-2005, 03:39 PM

hahahaha. That's great.

I'll have to try it sometime.

bookie05 · 03-16-2005, 06:53 PM

that is so fricking awesome! I will try it tommorow

03-05-2005, 11:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
waxmax Upright Location: Fort Collins, CO	Turn a horrible story into a great/cruel joke... This is my absolute favorite joke. Try it and let me know how it works out for you. This joke works well with new parents or if you're just chatting about crazy shit you saw on the news. Works even better if you tell it to a group of friends/co-workers. Whatever...this joke has NEVER failed to get a huge reaction but it must be told with conviction. Joke: "Yeah, they had this story on the news last nite about a new mom who just had her first baby. She was a single parent. Deadbeat boyfriend is nowhere to be found. She was at the hospital alone giving birth. After being discharged from the hospital, she tells the staff that she will be driving home alone. She puts the newborn in the backseat. She leaves. The girl then stops off at the liquor store to get a case of beer. She really can't lift anything as heavy as a case of beer so a clerk helps her to the car. She opens the backseat door and the clerk THROWS THE CASE OF BEER INTO THE BACKSEAT WITHOUT LOOKING!" *PAUSE. DO NOT SAY A THING UNTIL YOUR AUDIENCE SPEAKS FIRST!!! LET THE THOUGHT OF POOR SQUISHED BABY FORM IN THEIR HEAD.* *the 'punchline' will follow after the next explaination* -You don't need to get into a lot of detail with the story. The main thing is to convey these main points: single mom baby in backseat of car giant case of beer thrown into backseat of car YOU SHOULD NOT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A SQUISHED BABY!!! OK, you gave your 'story'. You pause for effect. If you told it right, the person who was listening should realize that newborn vs. case of beer is very bad. Your friend/family member/co-worker should have a look of absolute horror on their face. It's awful. How could a new mom stop off for beer while driving home with her new baby? How cruel! How heartless! You friends finally ask, " HOLY CRAP! DID THE BABY GET HURT/KILLED/SQUISHED???" Punchline: "Nope, the baby was OK. Luckily it was lite beer" *keep an absolute straight face until the cruel joke sets in* __________________ Tape guns don't tape boxes. PEOPLE tape boxes.

03-08-2005, 02:49 PM	#5 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	I have just the group... __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

03-09-2005, 06:54 PM	#7 (permalink)
waxmax Upright Location: Fort Collins, CO	This joke is pure evil. I love it. __________________ Tape guns don't tape boxes. PEOPLE tape boxes.

03-15-2005, 03:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
CSflim Sky Piercer Location: Ireland	hahahaha. That's great. I'll have to try it sometime. __________________

03-06-2005, 07:30 AM	#2 (permalink)
Scorpion23 Psycho	oh god, I have to tell that one.

03-07-2005, 12:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
frogza Registered User Location: Right Here	That is now on my to-do list.

03-08-2005, 06:05 AM	#4 (permalink)
frogza Registered User Location: Right Here	Did it and it worked great. I may have upset my grandmother though.

03-09-2005, 05:20 PM	#6 (permalink)
TexanAvenger Born-Again New Guy Location: Unfound.	Alright, my friend's crying now... Looks like he'll stop laughing sometime around next week.

03-16-2005, 06:53 PM	#9 (permalink)
bookie05 Upright	that is so fricking awesome! I will try it tommorow