Hark I hear the cannons roar
 

An out of work actor gets a call from his agent one day.
"I've got you a job" says his agent.
"That's great" says the actor, what is it?"
"Well" says his agent "it's a one-liner"
"That's okay" replies the actor,
"I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything; What's
the line?"
"Hark I hear the cannons roar" says the agent.
"Hark I hear the cannons roar?" the actor questions.
"Yes, hark I hear the cannons roar" confirms the agent.
"I love it" says the actor "When's the audition?"
"Wednesday" says the agent.

Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on
stage and shouts: "Hark I hear the cannons roar".
"Brilliant" says the director, "you've got the job, be here 9 o'clock Saturday
evening".

The actor is so ecstatic he got the job that he leaves and heads straight to his favorite bar and goes on a major bender.

He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening, after his bender, and runs to the
theatre continually repeating his line;
"Hark I hear the cannons roar,
hark I hear the cannons roar,
hark I hear the cannons roar".

He arrives at the stage entrance, out of breath and is stopped by the
bouncer.
"Who the hell are you?" asks the bouncer.
"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar'""
"Yes, I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"you're late, get up to makeup straight away."

So he runs up to make up continually repeating his line;
"Hark I hear the cannons roar,
hark I hear the cannons roar,
hark I hear the cannons roar".

"Who the hell are you" asks the makeup girl.
"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar'?"
"Yes, I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're late, sit down here" and she applies the makeup.
"Now quick, get down to the stage, you're about to go on"

So he dashes down to the stage continually repeating his line;
"Hark I hear the cannons roar,
hark I hear the cannons roar,
hark I hear the cannons roar".

"Who the hell are you" asks the stage manager.
"I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"You're 'hark I hear the cannons roar'?"
"Yes, I'm 'hark I hear the cannons roar'"
"Get on there, the curtains
about to go up"

So he tears onto the stage.
The curtains rise, the house is full.
Suddenly from behind him comes an enourmously loud blast.
<br><font size="4">BANG</font>
<br>The actor shouts "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!!!!!"

I think that is my alltime favorite joke.

It is much better when it is told in person, and when it is you could end up laughing about it for hours.

You have to tell it well though.

Funny stuff. I will give it a shot in person.

I believe I've found my new favorite joke! Thanks :)

wahahaha :) thanks, and yeah, would do much better in person.

nice one mailed round work :thumbsup:

I love it. 5 Stars.

Thanks,
I remember when I first heard it a few years ago, for days after, everytime I would think about the punch-line I would give a little chuckle.

Great stuff, thanks

Very good, very funny.
Thanks :D

Not to steal your thunder....I heard an extended version of this joke that included additional lines...."Hark, I hear the cannons roar. Off to the east lies a fair young maid with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and steal off into the night."
When he heard the BOOM he got flustered and said "What the fuck was that? Oops, off to the east lies a fair young maid with soap in her hole, I think I'll kiss her snatch and steal....ahhhh fuck it!

Great one! It'll replace the "A duck walks into a bar" joke as my standard, methinks...

<b>PDOUBLEOP</b>, no thunder stolen. I did not write it.


I just put it here cause I thought it was funny.

This one is pure gold, Five stars!

That is just soooo good!

...I really must have lost my sense of humor. I didn't find that funny, at all.

hahahaha I couldn't see where that was going.. so sad. Great joke though.

hahaha...enjoyed this one immensely

Tears are streaming down my face... really really funny!

Funniest joke I have ever read

I love these long, drawn out jokes!

I tell them to everyone and they hate me for it! But let me tell you, I get the best laughs of my life!! HA!

second ending also good !!!!..........xoxoxoo

GREAT JOKE!

Brilliant joke, everyone in the room is looking at me in a kinda strange way coz of the way I burst out in spontaneous laughter!!

I love reading and hearing jokes, but im annoyed that i CANNOT tell them at all, everyone just smiles politly, pretending to find it funny!

Saw the five stars...should be six! thanks for the laugh!

I'm glad I posted it.
I love telling that joke live.