2 from Gramps.....
 

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to go back to sleep, a few moments later she said, "Then, you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said, "Then, you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"

....

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving, my best friend, and intensely passionate in bed.”
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”

Man, I don't want to get old.

depressing

Nice ones there.

omg..thats the guy version of what i'm going to be..omg i'm all depressed now..someone give me cuddles!!

I've heard that second one before and I laughed that hard again this time. Thanks, Bobby!

Funny and depressing at the same time..

I was laughing, but I can't remember why...

First you forget to zip up, then you forget to zip down...