Battle of the sexes... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Random Kordie · 06-14-2004, 11:24 PM

Let the story begin....

I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all! She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is All dear, lets go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!"

I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.

slimshaydee · 06-15-2004, 12:05 AM

haha i've heard that before, it brings a tear to my eye everytime i read it.

Cervantes · 06-15-2004, 01:35 AM

I love it, heard it a while back but it is still one of the best stories I have ever heard!

Nancy · 06-15-2004, 05:25 AM

bwaaaaaaaaaahahhahahhahahah! what a cool guy

mystmarimatt · 06-21-2004, 02:10 PM

Hahahahahahahaha

PayUp · 06-21-2004, 02:34 PM

I told that to my wifelast week and all I got was evil glares, but I love that one.

firebirdta · 06-21-2004, 03:37 PM

Ah, that was great.

streak_56 · 06-21-2004, 04:03 PM

sweet sweet victory

edmos1 · 06-22-2004, 10:31 AM

that is awesome, I am going to have to try that out,

absorbentishe · 06-22-2004, 10:40 AM

Oldie, but a goodie! I wish I had the balls to do that.

Delvid · 06-22-2004, 12:26 PM

It is an old but good joke. If you really did that to your wife she would kill.

Jadedfox · 06-24-2004, 02:31 AM

Can't stop laughing!

--jaded

p0thead · 06-25-2004, 12:27 PM

wow that was hilarious... wish i had the chance to say that to my ex

06-14-2004, 11:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
Random Kordie Upright Location: Canberra, Australia	Battle of the sexes... Let the story begin.... I never quite figured out why the sexual urges of men and women differ so much. And I never figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women think with their heart. I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do." FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realising that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all! She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you, she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is All dear, lets go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurt out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT??!!!" I then said "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I won't be having sex again until sometime after pigs fly over a frozen hell while monkeys fly out her bum.

06-15-2004, 01:35 AM	#3 (permalink)
Cervantes Psycho Location: Above you	I love it, heard it a while back but it is still one of the best stories I have ever heard! __________________ - "Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.." - "Religions take everything that your DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it wrong." - "There is only one absolute truth and that is that there is only one absolute truth."

06-15-2004, 05:25 AM	#4 (permalink)
Nancy Femme Fatale Location: Elysium	bwaaaaaaaaaahahhahahhahahah! what a cool guy __________________ I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

06-21-2004, 02:10 PM	#5 (permalink)
mystmarimatt Omnipotent Ruler Of The Tiny Universe In My Mind Location: Oreegawn	Hahahahahahahaha __________________ Words of Wisdom: If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane.

06-21-2004, 02:34 PM	#6 (permalink)
PayUp DILLIGAF Location: AZ	I told that to my wifelast week and all I got was evil glares, but I love that one. __________________ Born to Lose.

06-15-2004, 12:05 AM	#2 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	haha i've heard that before, it brings a tear to my eye everytime i read it.

06-21-2004, 03:37 PM	#7 (permalink)
firebirdta Crazy	Ah, that was great. __________________ "Even if you prove me wrong, I'm not going to believe you." - A. McGill

06-21-2004, 04:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
streak_56 who ever said streaking was a bad thing? Location: Calgary	sweet sweet victory

06-22-2004, 10:31 AM	#9 (permalink)
edmos1 Daddy Location: Right next door to Hell	that is awesome, I am going to have to try that out,

06-22-2004, 10:40 AM	#10 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Oldie, but a goodie! I wish I had the balls to do that.

06-22-2004, 12:26 PM	#11 (permalink)
Delvid Insane Location: Missouri	It is an old but good joke. If you really did that to your wife she would kill.

06-24-2004, 02:31 AM	#12 (permalink)
Jadedfox Egocentric Location: World of Warcraft	Can't stop laughing! --jaded __________________ There is no fucking you, there is only me.

06-25-2004, 12:27 PM	#13 (permalink)
p0thead Insane Location: born in vietnam, lost in california	wow that was hilarious... wish i had the chance to say that to my ex