Man Falls Asleep At Church - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

01-31-2004, 10:43 PM

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing
this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the
ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the
hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr.
Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards
Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr.
Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not
notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few
motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore
him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that
goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half
and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

KellyC · 02-01-2004, 12:44 AM

OH..My.....

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA!!

drag0nmanes · 02-01-2004, 01:56 AM

Ahh, hahahahaha. Very funny joke. Didn't see that one coming at all.

indiretto · 02-01-2004, 01:57 AM

That’s terrible... but it's really funny.

SofaKing · 02-01-2004, 11:17 AM

Nothing terrible about that, so funny it brought a tear to my eye, I love it long time.

mystmarimatt · 02-01-2004, 06:52 PM

heehee...that made me spit out my lemonade...

02-01-2004, 10:11 PM

hehehehe, i did good, then!

sillygirl · 02-01-2004, 10:31 PM

Silverbrain · 02-02-2004, 09:00 AM

lol, that's awesome!!!

NoSoup · 02-02-2004, 10:25 PM

That is one of the funniest jokes I have ever heard....

Could be the lack of sleep, but I thank you

skier · 02-03-2004, 12:02 AM

yes oh god yes that was great

macmanmike6100 · 02-03-2004, 12:11 AM

lol - how appropriate lol

clifclav · 02-03-2004, 09:05 AM

cute one. heard several different versions of that one and have chuckled at all of them.

numist · 02-03-2004, 09:09 AM

that was really really good....

I can imagine Eve saying that too

icy_ca · 02-03-2004, 10:12 AM

I love church jokes regardless of what religeon. They're all funny.

bigbad · 02-04-2004, 03:23 AM

That was awesome, great joke

Thanks for posting it.

loganmule · 02-08-2004, 09:20 AM

my wife and I thought this was hilarious...thanks

xim · 02-09-2004, 03:18 PM

haha thats really good

bt8624 · 02-09-2004, 06:44 PM

lmfao....that is classic

01-31-2004, 10:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul::: Guest	Man Falls Asleep At Church One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg." In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones. "Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones. "God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!" "Amen," replied the congregation.

02-01-2004, 12:44 AM	#2 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	OH..My..... HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA!! __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

02-01-2004, 01:57 AM	#4 (permalink)
indiretto Tilted Location: USA, Oregon	That’s terrible... but it's really funny. __________________ Happy Tree Friends... It’s more fun than a stick.

02-01-2004, 06:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
mystmarimatt Omnipotent Ruler Of The Tiny Universe In My Mind Location: Oreegawn	heehee...that made me spit out my lemonade... __________________ Words of Wisdom: If you could really get to know someone and know that they weren't lying to you, then you would know the world was real. Because you could agree on things, you could compare notes. That must be why people get married or make Art. So they'll be able to really know something and not go insane.

02-01-2004, 10:31 PM	#8 (permalink)
sillygirl Newlywed Location: at home	__________________ Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken ....absence makes me miss him more...

02-01-2004, 01:56 AM	#3 (permalink)
drag0nmanes Crazy Location: Oside	Ahh, hahahahaha. Very funny joke. Didn't see that one coming at all.

02-01-2004, 11:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
SofaKing Tilted	Nothing terrible about that, so funny it brought a tear to my eye, I love it long time.

02-01-2004, 10:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
:::OshnSoul::: Guest	hehehehe, i did good, then!

02-02-2004, 09:00 AM	#9 (permalink)
Silverbrain Addict Location: Nor Cal	lol, that's awesome!!! __________________ Over Thinking, Over Analyzing Seperates the Body from the Mind - MJK

02-02-2004, 10:25 PM	#10 (permalink)
NoSoup Non-Rookie Location: Green Bay, WI	That is one of the funniest jokes I have ever heard.... Could be the lack of sleep, but I thank you

02-03-2004, 12:02 AM	#11 (permalink)
skier Rawr! Location: Edmontania	yes oh god yes that was great __________________ "Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

02-03-2004, 12:11 AM	#12 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	lol - how appropriate lol

02-03-2004, 09:05 AM	#13 (permalink)
clifclav absolute relativist Location: D.C.	cute one. heard several different versions of that one and have chuckled at all of them. __________________ Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

02-03-2004, 09:09 AM	#14 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	that was really really good.... I can imagine Eve saying that too

02-03-2004, 10:12 AM	#15 (permalink)
icy_ca Insane Location: Steel Town, Ontario	I love church jokes regardless of what religeon. They're all funny. __________________ After all is said and done, more is said than done.

02-09-2004, 06:44 PM	#19 (permalink)
bt8624 Upright	lmfao....that is classic

02-04-2004, 03:23 AM	#16 (permalink)
bigbad Insane	That was awesome, great joke Thanks for posting it.

02-08-2004, 09:20 AM	#17 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	my wife and I thought this was hilarious...thanks

02-09-2004, 03:18 PM	#18 (permalink)
xim Insane Location: One with the Universe	haha thats really good __________________ If I could be anyone in the world I would be Britney Spears. Shes in so many commercials about pepsi... www.ximcity.com