Irishman Jokes - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Eviltree · 01-29-2004, 03:19 PM

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
finally
said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and
fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He
figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will
sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided
to
crawl the four blocks home.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He
crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time
he
managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the
bed
and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him,
shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there
again."
*****

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the
boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly
hoping
that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular
genie,
however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard
three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make
the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!

"The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,and immediately
the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of
Guinness
on the hull broke the stillness as the two men
considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat.

TickTock · 01-29-2004, 04:17 PM

Hahaha the second was better i loved it.

acostello · 01-30-2004, 05:40 AM

That's really funny - The one about the Guinness

Gortexfogg · 01-30-2004, 06:04 AM

He he, good stuff!

clifclav · 01-30-2004, 06:12 AM

Guinness one was very clever. Thanks

drag0nmanes · 01-30-2004, 01:13 PM

Heh, first one's a repost but I still laugh everytime I see it. And the guiness one, mmmmmmmm...

loganmule · 01-30-2004, 09:21 PM

The first is a classic...hadn't heard the second one before though, and liked it as much.

Another classic: What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wake? One less drunk.

indiretto · 01-30-2004, 10:04 PM

Great jokes... especially liked the Guinness one.

01-29-2004, 03:19 PM	#1 (permalink)
Eviltree Psycho Location: British Columbia	Irishman Jokes An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!" Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?" "The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again." ***** Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer! "The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat.

01-30-2004, 06:12 AM	#5 (permalink)
clifclav absolute relativist Location: D.C.	Guinness one was very clever. Thanks __________________ Neither rain , nor cold, nor dark of night shall.......ahh whatever, just get me a beer!

01-30-2004, 10:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
indiretto Tilted Location: USA, Oregon	Great jokes... especially liked the Guinness one. __________________ Happy Tree Friends... It’s more fun than a stick.

01-29-2004, 04:17 PM	#2 (permalink)
TickTock Tilted	Hahaha the second was better i loved it.

01-30-2004, 05:40 AM	#3 (permalink)
acostello Crazy	That's really funny - The one about the Guinness

01-30-2004, 06:04 AM	#4 (permalink)
Gortexfogg I and I Location: Stillwater, OK	He he, good stuff!

01-30-2004, 01:13 PM	#6 (permalink)
drag0nmanes Crazy Location: Oside	Heh, first one's a repost but I still laugh everytime I see it. And the guiness one, mmmmmmmm...

01-30-2004, 09:21 PM	#7 (permalink)
loganmule Junkie Location: midwest	The first is a classic...hadn't heard the second one before though, and liked it as much. Another classic: What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wake? One less drunk.