Irishman Jokes

[Eviltree]

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender
finally
said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and
fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He
figured he'd crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will
sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided
to
crawl the four blocks home.

When he arrived at the door he stood up and fell flat on his face. He
crawled through the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time
he
managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the
bed
and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him,
shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there
again."
*****

Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the
boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly
hoping
that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular
genie,
however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard
three.

Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make
the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!

"The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,and immediately
the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of
Guinness
on the hull broke the stillness as the two men
considered their circumstances.

Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat.

[TickTock]

Hahaha the second was better i loved it.

[acostello]

That's really funny - The one about the Guinness

[Gortexfogg]

He he, good stuff!

[clifclav]

Guinness one was very clever. Thanks

[drag0nmanes]

Heh, first one's a repost but I still laugh everytime I see it. And the guiness one, mmmmmmmm...

[loganmule]

The first is a classic...hadn't heard the second one before though, and liked it as much.

Another classic: What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wake? One less drunk.

[indiretto]

Great jokes... especially liked the Guinness one.