Questions to South Africa tourist bureau - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pta200 · 05-01-2003, 11:04 AM

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism
Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV,
so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.

Q:Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A

epends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a
list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa?
(USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is
the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh
forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. »
Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population
is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q

o you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South
African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good
pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

warrrreagl · 05-01-2003, 11:07 AM

Those are all good. Had heard some before, but not all.

forgotten_dream · 05-01-2003, 12:19 PM

Heh heh. Good stuff. ^_^

platypus · 05-01-2003, 04:21 PM

Good. Gotta pass this on to my S.A. friend.

GreenCloud · 05-01-2003, 05:01 PM

that was great, thanks for the post

cchris · 05-03-2003, 09:41 PM

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Ha ha
What a great list

ForgottenKnight · 05-03-2003, 10:02 PM

hahaha! Now there's a guy who knows how to deal with supidity!

05-01-2003, 11:04 AM	#1 (permalink)
pta200 Insane	Questions to South Africa tourist bureau These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner. Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q:Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA) Aepends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water... Q:Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA) A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. » Come naked. Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Qo you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them. Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

05-01-2003, 11:07 AM	#2 (permalink)
warrrreagl pinche vato Location: backwater, Third World, land of cotton	Those are all good. Had heard some before, but not all. __________________ Living is easy with eyes closed.

05-01-2003, 12:19 PM	#3 (permalink)
forgotten_dream Psycho	Heh heh. Good stuff. ^_^ __________________ "A ouija board just works better if you've made it yourself. It's sortof like how 'Clue' is more interesting when one of you has actually killed someone."

05-01-2003, 04:21 PM	#4 (permalink)
platypus Essen meine kurze Hosen Location: NY Burbs	Good. Gotta pass this on to my S.A. friend. __________________ Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net.

05-01-2003, 05:01 PM	#5 (permalink)
GreenCloud Insane Location: Boone, NC	that was great, thanks for the post __________________ "Boy, I like that echo... goes right through my head... I had that happen once, but it was chemically induced...." - Steve Earle

05-03-2003, 09:41 PM	#6 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany) A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them. Ha ha What a great list __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

05-03-2003, 10:02 PM	#7 (permalink)
ForgottenKnight Jesus Freak Location: Following the light...	hahaha! Now there's a guy who knows how to deal with supidity! __________________ "People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"