The perfect day...

[endorphin]

Got this in an email, had to share. search didnt bring it up, so here it is.

It really says it all....


THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HER
8.15 Wake up to hugs and kisses.
8.30 Weigh in 2Kg lighter than yesterday.
8.45 Breakfast in bed, freshly squeezed orange juice and croissants - open presents - expensive jewellery chosen by thoughtful partner.
9.15 Soothing hot bath with frangipani bath oil.
10.00 Light work out at club with sexy funny personal trainer.
10.30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry.
12.00 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe.
12.45 Catch sight of partner's ex and notices she has gained 17kg and lost one leg.
1.00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit.
3.00 Nap.
4.00 Three dozen roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer.
4.15 Light work out at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk, who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body.
5.30 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror.
7.30 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing, with compliments received from other diners/dancers.
10.00 Hot shower (alone).
10:50 Carried to bed . . . (freshly ironed, crisp, new, white linen).
11.00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling.
11.15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms.

THE PERFECT DAY - FOR HIM
6.00 Alarm.
6.15 Head job.
6.30 Massive satisfying shit while reading the sports section.
7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her shmou
7.30 Limo arrives.
7.45 Several Beers en-route to airport.
9.15 Flight in personal Lear Jet.
9.30 Limo to Mirage Resort Golf Club (Head job en-route).
9.45 Play front nine - 2 under.
11.45 Lunch - Pie, chips and gravy, 3 lagers and a bottle of Red.
12.15 Head job.
12.30 Play back nine - 4 under.
2.00 Limo back to air port (head job).
2.30 Fly to Cairns.
2.50 Bump in to ex, shag her in the Air port dunnies.
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.
4.30 Land world record Marlin (85kg) - on light tackle.
5.00 Fly home, massage and hand job by the tatu ruskie school girl chicks.
6.45 Shit and Shower.
7.00 Watch news: Michael Jackson assassinated; cannabis legalised.
7.30 Dinner: cray fish appetisers, Dom Perignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed, a bottle of 86 Grange followed by Ice-cream served on a big pair of tits.
9.00 Napoleon Brandy and Habanos cigar in front of wall-size TV
as you watch match of the day; your team beating any Adelaide side by a goal after the siren.
9.30 Sex with three women (all with lesbian tendencies... some bending over).
11.00 Massage and Spa with tasty pizza snacks and a Crownie.
11.30 A night cap blow job.
11.45 In bed alone.
11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11.51 Laugh yourself to sleep

[Sion]

"11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11.51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


this part cracked me up

[Shpoop]

lol yea the last 2 were classic

[fizzledorf]

yes, the whole list was hilarious, but the last two made me laugh out loud -- what a way to finish the day

[mb99usa]

Sounds about right to me including the fart. Gotta end the day on a good note.

[petergriffin24]

yeah I think that was the best ending lines to a joke that I have ever seen in my life. HILARIOUS!

[sailor]

Originally posted by petergriffin24
yeah I think that was the best ending lines to a joke that I have ever seen in my life. HILARIOUS!

Gotta agree with you on that. I rarely laugh out loud at anything on the computer, but that did it.

[irseg]

7.00 Breakfast: rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot showing her shmou
3.30 Late afternoon fishing excursion with all female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot displaying growlers.

British euphemisms always crack me up.

[bennyb]

Originally posted by Sion
"11.50 A 22 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room
11.51 Laugh yourself to sleep"


this part cracked me up

whats funny, is that its so true