Your wife is so fat that you stay at home rather than have to kiss her goodbye in the
 

morning.

Your wife is so fat that her cereal bowl has its own personal lifeguard.

Your wife is so fat that when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, they gave her 13 years to live.

2nd 1 g1

You're lucky, my wife is that ugly, toothepaste backs down the tube

She puts mayonnaise on aspirin.

I ran around her twice and got lost.

She has to put her belt on with a boomerang.

When I yell "Kool-Aid", she comes crashing through the wall.