Bran Flakes - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

uncle phil · 05-18-2011, 02:51 AM

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for 60 years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health. This was largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help. When on a rare vacation, their plane crashed, sending them both to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates. St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks. There was a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment. St. Peter said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked St. Peter how much it was all going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied. 'Remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window. There was a championship golf course in the back yard. 'What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man.

'This is heaven.' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse. There was a lavish buffet lunch spread with every imaginable food laid out before them … seafood … steaks … exotic deserts … free flowing beverages ...

'Don't even ask' said St. Peter to the man. 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked.

That's the best part.' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

The old man asked, 'No gym you have to work out at?'

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.

'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or … '

'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife, and said, 'You and your fucking Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!'

levite · 05-18-2011, 01:40 PM

Excellent.

flat5 · 05-21-2011, 07:47 AM

There was a good exchange on NCIS last week.

"Pour me a drink"

"It's 6 am"

"Float a Cheerio in it"

05-18-2011, 02:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	Bran Flakes The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for 60 years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health. This was largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help. When on a rare vacation, their plane crashed, sending them both to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates. St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks. There was a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment. St. Peter said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.' The old man asked St. Peter how much it was all going to cost. 'Why, nothing,' Peter replied. 'Remember, this is your reward in Heaven.' The old man looked out the window. There was a championship golf course in the back yard. 'What are the greens fees?' grumbled the old man. 'This is heaven.' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.' Next they went to the clubhouse. There was a lavish buffet lunch spread with every imaginable food laid out before them … seafood … steaks … exotic deserts … free flowing beverages ... 'Don't even ask' said St. Peter to the man. 'This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.' The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?' he asked. That's the best part.' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!' The old man asked, 'No gym you have to work out at?' 'Not unless you want to,' was the answer. 'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or … ' 'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.' The old man glared at his wife, and said, 'You and your fucking Bran Flakes. We could have been here ten years ago!' __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.

05-18-2011, 01:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
levite Minion of Joss Location: The Windy City	Excellent. __________________ Dull sublunary lovers love, Whose soul is sense, cannot admit Absence, because it doth remove That thing which elemented it. (From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

05-21-2011, 07:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
flat5 Very Insignificant Pawn Location: Amsterdam, NL	There was a good exchange on NCIS last week. "Pour me a drink" "It's 6 am" "Float a Cheerio in it"