Things that aren't funny
 

Let this thread be a warning. The following things are generally used or referenced with the intent of humor, but end with disastrous results.

- Pretending that a simple dish—toast, macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches—is either very difficult to make or is very fancy.
- Pointing out that you are wearing the same shirt as someone else.
- The mere mention of marijuana.
- White people pretending to be black (ex: "me and my posse...")
- Friends (at least in 2009).


Alright, let's see more....

-"WAAAAAAZAAAAAAAAAP"
-"I'm Rick James, Bitch!"
-"Can you hear me now?"
-"It didn't ring up? IT MUST BE FREE!"
-ANYTHING to do with someone's name...they've heard it their whole life, you're not clever.

Jesus Christ, how did I forget about this gem? People in retail be warned, this will ruin your fucking day.

"Workin' hard or hardly workin?"

The incessant regurgitation of any internet meme.
-all your dumbass cliches are belong to us
-in Soviet Russia, meme spams you!
-!!1!!

To be fair, the phrase "In Soviet Russia, _____ _____ you!" was a meme long before what we call the internet today. It was made popular by Yakov Smirnoff in the 80's.

It's still tired and played out.

-Waitress: "Here's your check." Idiot Customer: "Oh, I don't need that, hehehe." My first job was in a Big Boy restaurant in high school. (couldn't serve booze + lived in a small town) The joke got old.

"Stop hitting yourself!"

"_______ is the new _______"

I heard you like _____ so I put _____ in your _____, Dawg! or any variation.

Puns. All of them.

World's Wackiest _________

What did the priest say at the Annual Priests' Association Spaghetti Dinner?

"Pass the pasta past the Pastor, Pastor!"

/wrote that one entirely myself. Never got a laugh out of it.

hey, my dog climbed up on my lap when he heard that, and is having fun watching it.
cool.

"I just printed it," when checking a large bill for authenticity as a cashier.

running towards something screaming "Leeeroy Jenkins!"

lol cats. i get it, yer kit-tay lvs shItz!!!1!!

"That's what she said"

Holy fuck. I don't know if M.E. students are special in this regard, but I have heard that phrase more in my three years in M.E. school then I did in high school and junior high school combined.

leeeeeeeeeeeeerooooooy jeeeeeeeeenkiiiins

When ______ Attack.
Nachoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo libre.
Whoa whoa, wee wah.

Muslims.

example: to a christian, "Why does Jesus hate M&M's? Because they fall through the holes in hands."

But you tell a joke like that to a muslim and it is liable to blow up in your face.

I'm a stone-cold atheist and I even find this mildly offensive. This thread is meant for jokes and thoughts and behaviors, not belief-systems.

Any junk in the trunk reference...

I hate that shit.

I'm a server, and my last question to all my tables is "can I get you anything else?" or something to that effect. The number of times I've heard "a million dollars," is ridiculous. Even better is how EVERY single person thinks they're the first to say it, and it's hilarious.

Dead hookers....

I just watched the leeroy jenkins crap last night for the first time. you're right, it isn't funny.

Amateur parodies

"Get er Done!"

I hear the above statement by people at work and it is the most annoying saying ever.

YES! Also "Here's yer sign."

not at all.

i believe its spelled "Git-R-Done."
...why the hell do i know that?


...rape. rape jokes just arent funny, and ive been hearing alot of comments like "id hold take a knife to that and hold that down" lately.

asshole bastard shitsucking cumstains. look at that, cant even properly insult im so disappointed.

it sucks that you cant punch someone in the face through a chatscreen.

Why are you hitting yourself?

FAIL! and WIN! Especially when used with EPIC in front of it. It was semi-amusing the first time it was used. The subsequent 30 million have not been. :)

Yes, yes, and yes. I hear those often, and the speaker always seems to think they are so funny.

Any dead baby joke, or dead puppy joke. Especially:
What's the best gift for a dead baby? A dead puppy.
I hate those.

OH! And ... "you can't touch this."

can't touch this?!

things from 1990 count!?

Alliteration.

I lost it. Cracked me up.

What's wrong with witty wordplay?

Me.

People who beep when they are backing up or going through a theft detector device at a store.

Person A "How are you?"
Person B "Pretty good"
Person A "Well, I don't know about good, but you sure are pretty."

What do you call a cheese that belongs to someone else?
Nacho cheese.
(Sorry JJ, I love you madly, but it'll never be funny. :lol:)

Them: "You were in the army, ever kill anybody?"

Rip Taylor

Any line repeated more than 10 times on Saturday Night Live.

How bout just Saturday Night Live, and be done with it

Agreed that they have had a lot of stinkers, but I laughed until I cried at a couple of Andy Sandberg's skits, like so:


C'mon. Tell me you didn't laugh at that?

The Blue Collar Comedy Tour

After seeing food: "It looks good enough to eat!"

Spamming sound effects through your microphone in a game of Team Fortress 2.

When someone has a birthday on April 1st and someone says "Were you born as a joke."

This one can only be funny if you say it on the day the person is diagnosed with cancer.

Fart jokes in movies you've paid $10+ to see.

I won't even bother with SNL anymore because it's become so not funny for me ..

but uh, after 8 times, that jizz in my pants is still damn funny

I find the "Jizz In My Pants" video hilarious because TheJazz said it was totally like me.

And it's true. What could be funnier than the truth?!

so, what you're telling us is that you jizz in your pants when you open the window? :orly:

Talking food on TV commercials, terrified of being eaten by humans, e.g. the green and the red M&M's. I find talking food totally not funny.

:no:

Because, really, if a food was intelligent enough to talk, it would be totally wrong to eat it. (My kids, however, have found talking food, hilarious.)

I'm really sorry to say this but...


Geek/Fanboy humor...

CSPAN. CSPAN is never funny. It's sad.

Commenting on traffic when you have walked a short distance to somewhere/someone's house

Anything with "izzle" added to the end of it. I hate that.

Carlos Mencia. Forever and ever, amen.

I DID indeed laugh at that. That's one for SNL

+1 on this one

and anything that ever came out of Larry the Cable Slobs mouth

Sorry, but that one's not old yet. We still have lots of fun with it. :thumbsup:

Kathy Griffin.

racist jokes

White people whenever they claim they've got it bad.

better yet...


"thats what your mom said"

Breaking up with someone via Facebook.

Unless the victim isn't you and then it's hilarious.

Here are a few I get for being tall:

How's the air up there?
We all look up to you
The basketball coach must have loved you

The last one isn't something people say, but little kids love to walk between my legs. It happens everywhere!

Dane Cook, that Mencia fucktard, the Blue Comedy guys, all the roasts.

Victoria's Secret and the juvenile-looking happy-fun-time clothing they're putting out these days.

The Anti-Boner. The kind of stuff only Chris Hansen victims dig.

Stickin' it in her butt on accident.

You want to laugh, but DON'T YOU DARE

Bigot.

Agreed, it's not funny ... but why so apealing???

>>NSFW | LINK | NSFW<<

...and it isn't funny that people joke about that.

Crompsin.

That last one is supposed to go in the thread: "People That Are Not A Genius"

"Im not dead yet!" and "we are the knights that say nee!" said in crappy high pitched British accents. its funny when python says it. it's not funny when you say it.

Hemorrhoids, a sinus infection, or an abcessed tooth. Don't forget disco. OK disco is funny. Real funny.

2007 - Chinese Year of The Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia.

2008 - Chinese Year of the Horse - Equine Flu decimates Australian Horse Racing.

2009 - Chinese Year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills thousands of pigs and infects thousands of people, sometimes fatally around the world.

1010 - Chinese year of the cock - now what could possibly go wrong? ... :eek: ...Uh Oh ! ! !

Shell, that was funny!! :lol:

Got what bad?

No way sir. I'm a dialogue man and there is nothing better then a terrific play on words; especially when it's dismissed in the dialogue (ie: not set up with a rim-shot, just stated plainly). Super effective.

I'll add:

- Any thing that has to do with rednecks
- Newfie Jokes
- Jay Leno

I will say, knowing I'll get burned in the process, I don't think there is anything that comedy "can't touch". I know a lot of people see it as dismissive but I just see it as a venue for thought. It's kind of my nature to not adhere I guess; I don't really get "offended" or "sad" when something incendiary happens in the world.

I don't think that makes me a monster.

Going to San Antonio with someone who keeps asking if you remember the Alamo.

Anything. Everything. Ya know, the usual.

you know what's not funny? when you dice up jalapenos for lunch, then shortly thereafter, touch your junk. not funny at all. and when you dont have anything to stop the burning, and you decide to air it out at your air conditioner, and at that specific time, when you are standing naked with your dick in your hand, at your air conditioner in the window, and your old lady next door neighbor walks out and sees you, and you feel like you are in some badly written sitcom, but its actually real life, that is just not funny. not at the time anyway.

hahaha sounds pretty darn funny from where I'm sitting.

Wiggers
4chan
I'm on a boat (seriously? this is funny? gtfo my tv)
America's funniest ___ (anything, they're all lame)
Redneck & other Ethnic Comedy
Racist Jokes

I disagree with the rednecks, The redneck jokes and making fun of rednecks is not funny, I'm with you there, but rednecks on the other hand ... crack me up!!! :lol:

(in a pun kind a way, not literally cracking me up because that's very possible)

WoW Humor. Humor of anything obscure I happen not to be part of.
also,

did we just get rickrolled?

Even The Guild? I don't even game, and I find this hilarious. (Felicia Day!)

Huh? :confused:

---------- Post added at 05:02 PM ---------- Previous post was at 04:56 PM ----------


except.... 2009 is not the year of the Pig, it's the Ox. so ya, not funny.

---------- Post added at 05:04 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:02 PM ----------

But Newfie jokes ARE funny......

HL2 humor is hilarious though. Check out Concerned, the webcomic featuring Gordon Frohman.