Engineer jokes!
 

Post em if you got em.

How do you torture an engineer?
Tie them to a chair and fold a map wrong in front of them.

How do you know if an engineer is an extrovert?
They look at your shoes when they talk to you.

This one is hard to write out. Imagine it all said as one sentence, with no particular punctuation:

"Why can't engineers tell jokes timing."

Some people say a glass is half full . . .
Other people say the glass is half empty.


An engineer says the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.

Two engineering students meet on campus one day.

The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey -- nice bike! Where did you get it?"

"Well," replies the other, "I was walking to class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this bike. She jumps off, takes off all her clothes, and says 'You can have ANYTHING you want!'"

"Good choice!" says the first, "Her clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Why Engineers Don’t Write Recipe Books
Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the raction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston’s first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

Hahahahaha. Great! :lol:

How you can tell if someone is an Engineer:

They think "Spring Break" is a metal fatigue failure

There is a half glass of scotch on a table.

The Arts student says that it symbolises unfulfilled emotions.
The Science student starts calculating the exact percentage full.
The Engineering student goes up to the glass, drinks the scotch and asks, "What's the question?"

A Mathematician, a Physicist, and an Engineer were sitting on a park bench when a red ball came to rest in front of them.

The Mathematician says, "If we measure the diameter of the ball, we can get it's volume by 4/3pi(d/2)^3..."

The Pysicist chimes in, "...or simply submerse it in water and measure the volume of water displaced."

The Engineer looked dumbfounded and said, "Why not just look it up in the Red Ball Book?"