mmm cookies - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

maleficent · 05-26-2006, 08:56 AM

An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Nearing the final curtain, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those!" she said, "They're for the funeral."

Charlatan · 05-26-2006, 09:22 AM

CART MASTER: Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang]Bring out your dead![clang] Bring out your dead! Ninepence. [clang] Bring out your dead!

CUSTOMER:Here's one.

CART MASTER:Ninepence.

DEAD PERSON:I'm not dead!

CART MASTER:What?

CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your ninepence.

DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead!

CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead!

CUSTOMER: Yes, he is.

DEAD PERSON: I'm not!

CART MASTER: He isn't?

CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.

DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better!

CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.

CART MASTER:Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations.

DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go on the cart!

CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby.

CART MASTER: I can't take him.

DEAD PERSON: I feel fine!

CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favour.

CART MASTER: I can't.

CUSTOMER:Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long.

CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today.

CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round?

CART MASTER: Thursday.

DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk.

CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do?

DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy.

[whop]

CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much.

CART MASTER:Not at all. See you on Thursday.

maleficent · 05-26-2006, 09:34 AM

/me scratches head...

Charlatan · 05-26-2006, 09:36 AM

Your joke just reminded me of this Monty Python sketch...

Redlemon · 05-26-2006, 09:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Charlatan

Your joke just reminded me of this Monty Python sketch...

It reminded me of the one where the guy has 24 hours to live, so he goes home and has sex with his wife. Then he asks to do it again. And again. And finally, she complains "Some of us have to work tomorrow morning".

absorbentishe · 05-26-2006, 10:03 AM

OMG, I'm laughing so hard at this.... My belly hurts now.

SirLance · 05-29-2006, 02:53 PM

Both the joke and the sketch are funny. Thanks!

05-26-2006, 08:56 AM	#1 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	mmm cookies An elderly man lay dying in his bed. Nearing the final curtain, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand, shakingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. "Stay out of those!" she said, "They're for the funeral." __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-26-2006, 09:22 AM	#2 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	CART MASTER: Bring out your dead! [clang] Bring out your dead! [clang]Bring out your dead![clang] Bring out your dead! Ninepence. [clang] Bring out your dead! CUSTOMER:Here's one. CART MASTER:Ninepence. DEAD PERSON:I'm not dead! CART MASTER:What? CUSTOMER: Nothing. Here's your ninepence. DEAD PERSON: I'm not dead! CART MASTER: 'Ere. He says he's not dead! CUSTOMER: Yes, he is. DEAD PERSON: I'm not! CART MASTER: He isn't? CUSTOMER: Well, he will be soon. He's very ill. DEAD PERSON: I'm getting better! CUSTOMER: No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment. CART MASTER:Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations. DEAD PERSON: I don't want to go on the cart! CUSTOMER: Oh, don't be such a baby. CART MASTER: I can't take him. DEAD PERSON: I feel fine! CUSTOMER: Well, do us a favour. CART MASTER: I can't. CUSTOMER:Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long. CART MASTER: No, I've got to go to the Robinsons'. They've lost nine today. CUSTOMER: Well, when's your next round? CART MASTER: Thursday. DEAD PERSON: I think I'll go for a walk. CUSTOMER: You're not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn't there something you can do? DEAD PERSON: [singing] I feel happy. I feel happy. [whop] CUSTOMER: Ah, thanks very much. CART MASTER:Not at all. See you on Thursday. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke Last edited by Charlatan; 05-26-2006 at 09:30 AM..

05-26-2006, 09:34 AM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	/me scratches head... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-26-2006, 09:36 AM	#4 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Your joke just reminded me of this Monty Python sketch... __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

05-29-2006, 02:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
SirLance Junkie Location: In the middle of the desert.	Both the joke and the sketch are funny. Thanks! __________________ DEMOCRACY is where your vote counts, FEUDALISM is where your count votes.

05-26-2006, 10:03 AM	#6 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	OMG, I'm laughing so hard at this.... My belly hurts now.