In the Beginning... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

maleficent · 04-25-2006, 08:00 AM

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs ?

11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help.

18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT

Dilbert1234567 · 04-25-2006, 08:25 AM

That’s awesome maleficent, this ones being posted in my office.

Sultana · 04-25-2006, 10:47 AM

That's really really good!

maleficent · 04-25-2006, 10:54 AM

What amuses me even more about it - not so much the content, but where I found the joke.. It was from a "jokes you could tell your mother" page on a Christian website...

Martian · 04-25-2006, 02:14 PM

Well, techinically I could tell my mother that one. She wouldn't get it, but I could tell it to her.

I think Ben's joke about the newlyweds would serve the purpose better.

In any case, I got it and was amused.

Dilbert1234567 · 04-25-2006, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

What amuses me even more about it - not so much the content, but where I found the joke.. It was from a "jokes you could tell your mother" page on a Christian website...

Wouldn’t it be blasphemous? Those kooky Christians…

rlbond86 · 05-02-2006, 03:24 PM

Haha, and every word is true.

04-25-2006, 08:00 AM	#1 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	In the Beginning... 1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word. 2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good. 3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. 4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware. 5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big... And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory. 6. And God said -I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data. 7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows. 8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User. 9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good. 10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs ? 11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die. 12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse. 13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it. 14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmer that it was good. 15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who told you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to ! 16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows. 17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmers help. 18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time. 19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password. 20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

04-25-2006, 08:25 AM	#2 (permalink)
Dilbert1234567 Devils Cabana Boy Location: Central Coast CA	That’s awesome maleficent, this ones being posted in my office. __________________ Donate Blood! "Love is not finding the perfect person, but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." -Sam Keen

04-25-2006, 10:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	That's really really good! __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

04-25-2006, 10:54 AM	#4 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	What amuses me even more about it - not so much the content, but where I found the joke.. It was from a "jokes you could tell your mother" page on a Christian website... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

04-25-2006, 02:14 PM	#5 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Well, techinically I could tell my mother that one. She wouldn't get it, but I could tell it to her. I think Ben's joke about the newlyweds would serve the purpose better. In any case, I got it and was amused. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

05-02-2006, 03:24 PM	#7 (permalink)
rlbond86 Insane	Haha, and every word is true.