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JadziaDax 06-04-2003 03:00 PM

Disorder in the Court
 
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?


Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.


Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.


Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.


Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?


Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?


Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?


Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?


Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?


Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?


Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.


Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.


Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.


Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.


Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?


Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere

BigBlueWrecking 06-04-2003 03:04 PM

Pretty funny, especially the ones about the autopsy.

Peetster 06-04-2003 03:48 PM

The last one really cracked me up.

Flesh 06-04-2003 03:59 PM

the gear one and the oral one really cracked me up. good stuff!

TerresqueÜ 06-04-2003 05:57 PM

Good stuff.

Very good stuff, people are so stupid at times.

morlock 06-05-2003 01:21 AM

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?


That could go either way.

bravo49 06-05-2003 01:33 AM

The autopsy killed me

Loki 06-05-2003 04:23 AM

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere


hehe, i'd probably reply the same way to both of these... :lol:

you can just imagine the lawyers in half of these trying to be clever :D

jwoody 06-05-2003 04:34 AM

All funny, but that last one sent me over the edge.

Bill O'Rights 06-05-2003 05:18 AM

That last one is a classic. I love it!

oscar0308 06-05-2003 06:33 AM

i love the sarcasm ones. lawyers ask the most idiotic questions and i love someone illustrating just how ridiculous they can be.

nash 06-05-2003 07:24 AM

I like the autopsy ones and the oral. pretty good stuff


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