Jack Bauer Facts
 

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he’d shoot Nina twice.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Jack Bauer’s favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer doesn’t miss. If he didn’t hit you it’s because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

If you get 7 stars on your wanted level on Grand Theft Auto, Jack Bauer comes after you. You don’t want to get 7 stars.

Jack Bauer’s gun is actually a water pistol, but the water shoots out in the form of bullets. Why? Because the gun is being held by Jack effing Bauer.

As a child, Jack Bauer’s first words were “There’s no time!”

While being ‘put under’ in the hospital, Jack Bauer can count backwards from 100 every time. This annoys the doctors.

Every time Jack Bauer yells “NOW!” at the end of a sentence, a terrorist dies.

Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer demands commercial breaks. Otherwise terrorists die too quickly.

Jack Bauer never takes a crap. The only thing he eliminates is people.

Wow apparently there are lots of people about whom there are facts.

Actually this is very clever! I especially like

"Don’t ask what Jack Bauer would do for a Klondike bar…"

One can truly imagine the mayhem!

Thanks G Frost!

aahah! i just saw season 1 and 2 recently. this is great!

This is good, between this and the chuck norris facts, I am dying of a laugh induced hernia!

Here's some more:

Jack Bauer is the 'i' in team.

Nobody says 'hit me' when Jack Bauer deals Blackjack.

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence.

Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Drive-Thru's are open for 24 hours because if Jack Bauer wants a chalupa,
goddamnit Jack Bauer gets a chalupa.

Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Nike doesn't show Jack Bauer advertisements because they know he'll "do it" when he's goddamn ready.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.

Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.

If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.

Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.

Jack Bauer uses #1 pencils on standardized tests.... Jack Bauer doesn't associate with anything that is #2.

These are all so great, i love it!

OK, I laughed out loud on this one.

brilliant, simply brilliant
Take THAT Superman

Oh man, every one of those is awesome. Take THAT Chuck.

/currently in the middle of season 4

Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours

Jack Bauer does not sleep. The only rest he needs is what he gets when he's knocked out or temporarily killed

Jack Bauer knows what you did last summer.

Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer's alarm clock screams out "THERE ISN'T ANYMORE TIME!"

Jack Bauer is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Jack Bauer can divide by zero

Jack Bauer has two speeds: walk and kill.

Jack Bauer can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

When Jack Bauer does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Jack Bauer can slam a revolving door

When Jack Bauer's daughter lost her virginity he found it and put it back.

chuck norris doesnt sleep, he waits....jack bauer doesnt sleep, he *beep* KILLS TERRORISTS!!!!!

Jack Bauer walked into a Max security prison, broke out an internationally notorious Drug Zar, released every single prisoner, won two games of russian roulette, hijacked a chopter all strung out on Heroine.... don't you EVER complain about working with a hang over every again.

I laughed out loud on this - "Jack Bauer would have gotten the ring to Mordor in 24 hours"

lol i laughed out reading this one: It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed. I can imagine the picture of walking into a room with a guy crying and milk on the floor and im like "?" and he goes "Its Jack Bauer's" LOL