cchris

With the upcoming summer of cricket looking decidedly boring I reckon it’s about time the Aussies got a bit more aggressive in the field and give the punters something to cheer about.
I have hunted around and found some classic retorts from the true legends of the game because in recent times sledging has fallen out of favour as the ponces that run the show have deemed it “offensive” and “UN-Australian”.

Fuck that.


Bring back the sledge.



James Ormond & Mark Waugh:

James Ormond had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.......
Mark : "Fuck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"
James : "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best player in my family"
………………………………………………………………………………………......

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:

When Botham took guard in an Ashes match,Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:

As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting two years for another chance to humiliate him.
"Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:

During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor.A few balls later Merv dismissed Javed:
"Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Viv Richards:

Devon Malcolm after beating Viv several times in one over and dared tell him the ball was red and weighed about six ounces; Richards hit the next ball for six and replied:
"You know what it looks like, now go fucking find it."
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:

During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries."This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me.In my culture we just bowl."
Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Mark Waugh and Adam Parore:

Standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore)
comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball.
Mark: "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're fucking useless now".
Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Unknown Australian barracker on the hill:

"Hey Tufnell! Can I borrow your brain? I'm building an idiot."
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Fred Trueman bowling.:

The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip,and right between Raman Subba Row's legs. Fred doesn't say a word.
At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises
sheepishly. "I should've kept my legs together, Fred".
"So should your mother" he replied.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Merv Hughes (Again)

Merv was bowling to Hansie Cronje during a tour game in South Africa. It was an especially flat wicket and Cronje was hitting Hughes for fours and sixes all over the place.
After the umpteenth boundary, Hughes headed down the pitch, stood near Cronje, let out a fart and said: "Try hitting that for six." It was five minutes before the guffawing stopped and play could resume.
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:

During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played & missed:"You can't fucking bat".
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary: "Hey Merv, we make a fine pair.
I can't fucking bat & you can't fucking bowl."
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ian Healy:

Porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim here.
Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,
"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ian Healy's legendary comment that was picked up by the Channel 9 microphones.

Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney...
"You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat cunt"
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

McGrath & Ramnaresh Sarwan:

"So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?"
Sarwan: "I don't know. Ask your wife."
…………………………………………………………………………………………..

And saving the best for last.

The ultimate retort in my book.


Portly Zimbabwean chicken farmer Eddo Brandes & Glenn McGrath:

"Hey Eddo, why are you so Fat?"
Eddo Brandes: "Because everytime I fuck your wife, she gives me a chocolate
biscuit"

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There's a fine line between participation and mockery

Ella

Gotta love Merv! Nice find, mate.

__________________
"Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure."

Ishmal

heh.......

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"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

bundy

love that last one.
these are bloody awesome chris.
cheers.

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Ohayo!!!

dlish

oh i love the mark waugh ones.. im sure theres salim malik ones out there... im sure he'd be the easiest of the lot to poke some fun at..any one have any?

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Stick

Fuckin' funny, cchris. Where'd you find them?
Big Merv's a funny cunt.

__________________
ominous adj.
Menacing; threatening. Of or being an omen, especially an evil one.

dlish

stick this isnt the cunt thread

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

dlish

just in case u didnt realise

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Stick

Every thread's a cunt thread.
Cunt.

__________________
ominous adj.
Menacing; threatening. Of or being an omen, especially an evil one.

cinnles

hah. Some golden sledging moments there.

Daniel_

PMSL @ "building an idiot"

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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Latch

Those were funy-as, chris. Great find.

gilbert-

Haha those are fantastic, that is the first time i've seen these.
They are some of the funniest calls & retorts that I have heard in a while, well done on the find!