Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

- Tilted Fun Zone (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-fun-zone/)

- - Quoted... (https://thetfp.com/tfp/tilted-fun-zone/66526-quoted.html)

Some old, some new... all freaking funny as hell!

http://qdb.us/?top

Quote:

luqin> senior year
luqin> my roomate is on a job interview for sam adams
luqin> he's on a ridealong with a sales guy
luqin> they start talking about music
luqin> sales guy goes
luqin> "gwen stefani is pretty hot"
luqin> my roomate is trying to be professional
luqin> says "yeah she's pretty attractive"
MadHack-> heh
luqin> 30 seconds of silence
luqin> sales guy goes
luqin> "I'd eat her ass"
dave__> HAHAHAHAHA
MadHack-> ahahahahaha
erobbins> HAHAHAHAHA
russur> HAHAHAHAHA
dave__> fuck i just spit out my lemonade

Quote:

ckx> i've got nothing against homos
ckx> as long as they don't fuck me or touch me
ckx> they're alright
gb> what if they cum on you
ckx> that's a grey area

Very similar (and some of the quotes are the same as) bash.org. Good for a laugh.

<-devils_trombone> Hey wana hear a funny story?
<-frogslegs> yep
<-Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> does it involve clowns and ninjas?
<-devils_trombone> no.
<-devils_trombone> Last wknd, me and sum mates were down at the pub, and we see this guy looking pretty pissed.
<-devils_trombone> Anyway, we hadn't drunk much, so we decided to be good people and drive this guy home.
<-Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> was he a clown/ninja?
<-devils_trombone> So we helped him up, and he fell over. Then we tried dragging him out and he kept falling over.
<-devils_trombone> So we drove him back to his place, and knocked on the door, and this woman answers (presumably his wife) and is all like: "Thanks boys, but where's his wheelchair?"

<-cow_crap> and there's a girl there that I'm quite taken aback by
<-cow_crap> and she said "wow, you came early" and I said, without thinking, "that's what all the girls say"
<-cow_crap> I am such a fucking idiot
<-cow_crap> she laughed at me for like 15 mins

<-Jaeger> whats an oxymoron
<-Edgy> Microsoft Works

<-Fashykekes> Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."

* Quits: crag-- (crag@202.154.72.136) (Dead girls dont say no)
* Quits: KiM (KiM@134.115.157.196) (going for a walk :p)
<@ShowDowN> that is sick
<@ShowDowN> we should ban him next time he comes in
<@nekro> yeah, who the hell goes for walks

I love bash.org.

Razer: Shit..DS is coming..
TriSpear: how do you know?
Wicked_Sword: The annoying n00b f00?
Razer: He just signed onto AIM..
EnergyWave: yeah...the kid who sucks at being a sader..
Wicked_Sword: Shit shit shit
Razer: Hide!!
* Razer is now known as Razer[Away]
* DevilsGrace is now known as DevilsGrace[Out]
* Wicked_Sword is now known as WS[Away]
* TriSpear is now known as Tri[Gone]
* Hampton is now known as Hampton[bbl]
* EnergyWave is now known as EnergyWave[afk]
* _Godly_Strike_ is now known as GS[bbiab]
Razer[Away]: >.>
* DarkShadows has joined #Saders
DarkShadows: hey evry1
DarkShadows: n e 1 wanna play w/ me
DarkShadows: dam..no 1 here..
* DarkShadows has Quit(Quit: User Exited)
Razer[Away]: w00t!
WS[Away]: I kinda feel bad for him..Now...He just got ditched by an entire channel...

This is hilarious, in a mean way. :lol:

This had me in tears:

Quote:

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

This is beautiful! (Not that Australia was a penal colony, but rather that someone was swift enough to have the line at the right time.)

Quote:

<_kr4m3r> so many fucking criminals, its bullshit
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"

<Raven> I tried setting my hotmail password to penis.
<Raven> It said my password wasn't long enough. :(

<MortalKombat> stfu mat|t u cu.nt
* Acaila sets mode: +b MortalKombat!*@*
<@Acaila> FINISH HIM
<mat|t> rofl
<MortalKombat> omg wtf man
* MortalKombat was kicked by Acaila (forward, forward, back, back, forward, punch)
<@Acaila> FATALITY!