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Creatures that would make lousy vampires...
Idea came from a stupid discussion earlier. What creatures do you think would make lousy vampires?
My choices? Ducks. Donkeys. Dachsunds. ... Whatchoo got? |
Horses.
No question. |
I guess you missed the vampire episode of Darkwing Duck.
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Trout.
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Elephant would make a cumbersome vampire with that big trunk sticking in the way of a good bite...unless we fantasize blood sucking teeth on the tip of the trunk...that would be awesome even to suck a giraffe's long neck.
But I can't put leaches on that list. How do we know leaches aren't clever little vampire worms that have evolved over eons to trick us into thinking they do the body some good just so we use them to suck some of our blood? huh? |
Fucking otters.
Too cute to be evil. That and any breed in the retriever class of dogs. Oh, and emus. |
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But you know what? Dachshunds...they go for the throat as they are. A vampire dachshund would be the worst. |
Elephants.
But Elephant Zombies would be cool. |
Turtles
Moose Platypus |
Daddy long leg spiders....
Their mouths are too small to bite. |
I would think giraffes would be easy targets for vampires..
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Coral (immobile)
Sloths (too slow) Anteaters (narrow mouth, no teeth) Peacocks (too noisy, couldn't sneak up on their victim) Giraffes (necks too long, too unwieldy) Chihuahuas (too shaky, couldn't get a good grip) Reindeer (protected species, see Santa) Sponges (good for soaking up blood, but lousy at seeking it out) |
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I used to think that little dogs would be terrible vampires.
Then I watched Blade again. http://img.skitch.com/20080523-qndgc...fuhwtmhtt6.jpg Platypi would make lousy vampires. |
Ladybugs
Coelacanth (fish thought to be extinct that lives in the deep ocean) Dung beetles Butterflies Clams Penguins My grandmother (she's 98 and blind) |
oh I have to disagree with penguins...I think they would make awesome vampires
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^ just to honor TFP...though ferrets would not be on my lousy vampire list since they have sharp little teeth and can scoot right up to your neck with their little claws. I'll add humans who blab too much. If you're a professional vampire you have to lay low and not have people searching you out while you're sleeping so they can drive a stake through your heart...be cool, lay low, suck blood forever. |
Giant tube worm. No mouth, no digestive tract. :)
http://www.technovelgy.com/graphics/...t-tubeworm.jpg |
Since the threads are currently adjacent, I propose the Narwal. Sure, it has a great horn for piercing, but getting close enough to suck the blood won't be easy.
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Me.
Unless taco bell offers a blood burrito i would starve to death (again? still?) |
Cheese, I find it hard to believe that you subsist solely on Taco Bell.
... Hermit Crabs = Shitty Vampires |
Robert Pattinson...does he count?
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I was gonna say "cute little baby" but now I'm not so sure
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...acifier_01.jpg |
Cows
Turkeys |
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one out of two is pretty good http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...vampirecow.jpg http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...n-india_49.jpg |
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Spores...
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Tribbles.
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guppies.
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Obese housecats.
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Clams
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http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/attachm...2nro1_1280.jpg |
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Bunnies. And yet there's a book...
http://www.boscobel.k12.wi.us/~schnrich/bunnicula.jpg |
Vampric giraffes crack me the fuck up.
I think those or any water foul would be great. Another possibility would be butterflies. I could easily see the beautiful markings of various butterflies turning into our perceived natural warning signs of flapping bloodsuckers. :) |
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Clams with legs. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_IAlwPkwwHe...ning+clams.jpg Bitch clams who spit acid. http://images.buddytv.com/articles/F...ded-clam-1.jpg Quote:
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