The Attic Rats Must Die!
 

Hail Citizens!

If you do not wish to see dead things then turn back now!

I am embroiled in a war with rats that have invaded my attic this winter.
I considered live traps but the idea of driving individual rats to some new environment in my gasoline powered driving instrument seems too ridiculous.

I am open to suggestions. Please give me your council.

Poison is lazy and foolish. They die in hard to reach places and stink for too long.
It has to be snap traps.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...urger/moar.jpg
smeared with delicious peanut butter

The death toll is at 7.

Some have been adults
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...er/display.jpg


Some have been adolescents
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...urger/yout.jpg
but there are no noncombatants

Q: And babies?
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...urger/babs.jpg
A: And Babies.

Only one has escaped so far
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...r/angryrat.jpg
at a painful price.

No doubt he will return to gnaw at my face whilst I sleep.

When I ascend the attic steps for my morning harvest
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...ger/ascent.jpg
I wonder if a wave of mujahideen will pour down upon me.

This is Rathallah
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1.../RATHALLAH.jpg
I am certain those lens flares are tiny valkyrie.

I fear this battle will continue until Rathallah is overfilled and the dead scuttle across the earth.

This is where I will post updates with news from the front.

Good luck, brave warrior, in your battle toward truth, rightousness, and ratlessness. May the power of felines be with you. Have you considered getting/borrowing a cat?

Nasty, disgusting, dirty critters ...though when I have them as pets they are cute and smart. Kinda like when I was married and my wife thought I was cute and smart, then after divorce I am a nasty disgusting, dirty critter.

PS: I had squirrels for a while, but after cementing their access shut, they have been gone for a few months.

that is a sound floor GH............my labs could do all the dirty work for you....sans the peanut butter.


.....and good luck in your fight.

What ho comrades!

The rats only reside in the attic and walls which makes using a weaponized domestic animal somewhat problematic. No self-respecting cat, dog or snake would want to spend the quality time needed in my attic to get the job done.

I take care of too many living things as it is.
I am now only accepting dead things into the family.

But if you kill all the rats, who will eat all the cheese?

The Attic Rats? I used to play with those guys! Yeah, they deserve to die...Kill em all, says I!

I killed this one in the butt!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1.../INTHEBUTT.jpg
I don't feel good about it.

try either one of these...you won't even need a trap...

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...oldyburger.jpg

Hail GH!

Many have tried and failed in the past, many have also perished. May you be fortuitous in your endeavor towards a vermin free abode.

My kingdom for a Ratatoullie recipe!

Don't try to drive them out with Doric rats. It won't work.

Have the vermin vamoosedead?

Don't give them an inch or they'll take a yard

deleted - too young

undelete - I hope this is OK now, I took out the little kid and inserted my abstract impressionist smiley since it still invokes the same terror of rats for me:
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...ics/kidrat.jpg


Alternative disposal means:

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2.../_Cut-Rats.jpg

R-a-t A-r-t

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...cs/Ratking.jpg

News from the front.

So far the death toll is 8.

A few traps have gotten bloody so I threw them out with the corpse.
If the rats have some sort of afterlife mythology I am certain they would hate to be buried with a snap trap still attached.
I will strike at them on all fronts which includes the psychological.

How many traps will I end up purchasing?
How much WILL this war cost?
The unemployment rate in Giant Hamburgerstan is 80%.

Since today is his memorial holiday, I'm reminded of something Martin Luther King, Jr. said:

"Our only hope today lies in our ability to recapture the revolutionary spirit and go into a sometimes hostile world declaring eternal hostility to poverty, racism, and militarism."

I'm sure he would have included rats if he had more time.

He would have said, "this will not end until you kill the rat with the human face."

I am certain of it.

wow!!!!!!!!


GH dude............can you get that on film for us?



that'd be too freakin' cool..........

There are so many.

Last night they taunted me with their ceaseless gnawings.
I suspect they have tiny saws to weaken the support beams.
I heard their claws skitch across the wood as they pranced and frolicked with abandon, heedless of my traps and their "irresistible" bait.

They task me, they task me and I shall have them.

Now those are some rats!

Luckily these are not quite that ^ large, but GH would still probably have to use other means of disposal on these critters:

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...460_817767.jpg
Mammalogist Martua Sinaga holds this 1.4 kilogram giant rat from the Indonesian province of Papua (Source: Bruce M Beehler)


I think I would seriously reconsider the "feline terminator" option.

Cats are inconsistent when it comes to their rat terminating effectiveness.
The attic is too cold for reptiles.
There are no vampires available.

I have tried the anti-rodent sonic emitter.
I caught them in snap traps within 2 feet of the emitter.
What I really need is a broadband, high-intensity, short-duration burst of electromagnetic energy in the attic at a frequency of at least 20 kHz.

The rats must trapped and removed.
The women folk will not suffer the smell of dead things long.

They now avoid my traps.
I fear they are guided by some malignant intelligence.
http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n...d-mole-rat.jpg
I must meet their leader in ritual combat.
Only then will they respect my authority.

I will fight him tonight on the rooftop in the rain.
*queues Queen soundtrack

May the rain fall photogenetically down the well oiled
skin of your slickness, mist meister,
swing low,kick high, kiss sweet arses goodbye,

Victory parade in the chariot...soon.

I knew it was your juice, Mr.!

I wonder if this works? ....though this makes it sound too humane

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...BBL_AA280_.jpg

""The Rat Zapper Ultra uses advanced electronic technology to deliver a deadly shock to mice and rats. simply bait the Rat Zapper Ultra with ordinary dry pet food. When the rodent goes for the bait, the system senses its presence and then delivers enough electrical energy to quickly and humanely kill the rodent with no blood or gore. Dispose of the mouse, rat, or other rodent into an appropriate receptacle. you'll never have to touch the dead pest! THE ADVANTAGES OF THE RAT ZAPPER ULTRA!.. kills mice, ground squirrels and rats.. it's humane (kills rodents quickly).. environmentally friendly (no poisons).. it's clean (no blood or gore).. highly effective and proven.. reusable- will not wear out.. designed not to harm your children or your pets.. built-in battery check.. really works- guaranteed.""

Here, let me get that for you.



No idea why you wanted that song, though?

Great deal for $39.90! But the remote monitor for $580.00????:shakehead:

I bought something like that once and it never caught a thing. What I found most successful were the old fashioned wooden traps with peanut butter and a little flour dusted on it. Also the pre-bated plastic traps that look like a set of sawtoothed jaws, they killed the mice surprisingly cleanly. I never found even one of those plastic traps had been set off without a kill.

Plague Fleas. That's what you need. Rats are much more susceptible to plague than humans, and, unlike with poison, die out in the open. If you can infect one rat with one flea, it will infect the rest of the tribe.

'Course, you'll want to vacate the area while it works itself out....

^ that's inspiring... so I'm digging deep here for alternate solutions ...how about this one, hit them with the virus:

""...The pathogenesis for adult rats of a Venezuelan encephalitis virus (VEE) strain, V-198, was studied. This virus strain was chosen following virulence-testing of 12 prototype alphavirus strains, selected from the Semliki Forest, Venezuelan, Eastern, and Western encephalitis virus complexes; only VEE strain V-198 killed all adult rats when inoculated subcutaneously (sc) with 6.0-6.5 log10 plaque-forming units (PFU). Lower doses of strain V-198 by the same route were also lethal: 5.0 and 3.0 log10 PFU killed 100%, and 1.0 log10 PFU killed 70% of rats. Viral infectivity titrations of tissues obtained from V-198 straininfected rats demonstrated that virus replicated early in thymus and spleen, but did not replicate in bone marrow or liver. Following a brief viremia, virus infectivity titers peaked in brain, but did not persist there. A biphasic neutrophilia also occurred. Lower doses of inoculum virus affected the timing but not the degree of neutrophil fluctuations, virus replication, and clinical disease. Rats, moribund seven days after inoculation of 4.3 log10 PFU, exhibited central nervous system signs and histologic evidence of encephalomyelitis. Significant proportions of rats, otherwise lethally infected with V-198 virus, were protected by a single intraperitoneal inoculation of hyperimmune V-198 antiserum, administered 3 or 4, but not 5 days after virus.
Since the rat has been well characterized with respect to metabolic alterations following other infectious diseases, it is anticipated that this model for lethal virus-induced disease will be useful for defining more precisely the functional relationships between viral growth, tissue destruction, metabolic alterations, and clinical course of disease, and that it may suggest specific approaches for effective treatment of viral diseases in general..."

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...20pics/rat.jpg

Try the ultrasonic devices. I've had them in my attic for more than 10 years (replaced once) and no rats at all. Had them when I moved in to my house.

You could leave assorted travel brochures around the attic busking the murinous glory of Illkhmar. Course, the problem of finding brochures in this day and age printed in Rat might be a thorny one, and you would, of course, have to arrange for a portal to Newhon to open in your attic, but there is little that is impossible for your Meatiness.

:hyper: On tenterhooks sir...

UPDATE !!!

I think you should adopt them and make them your own.

Why do you shudder?

Remove their food source (other than peanut butter smeared traps). The only place I've ever lived with rats had a skate center dumpster on the other side of the backyard fence.

And, on cats. My cats would catch them and bring them into the house, alive, and play with them.

News from the front...

Current Death Toll:
Humans: 0
Cephalopod: 0
Opossum: 1
Rats: 12

There will be no peace talks with the invading rodents.
Such an accord could only be a stalling tactic to draw out this conflict and deplete my resources.
Only a fool would enter into such obviously faux negotiations.

The nocturnal activity has decreased significantly over the last few days.
Perhaps they are beginning to understand that the wages of attic work is death.

This war is far from over. I await the inevitable counter strike.
I will seek the council of Sheelba of the Eyeless Face and Ningauble of the Seven Eyes to ascertain whether or not I have in some way offended the Rat God.

You could set up a rat sized amphitheatre with the floor & bleachers rigged over a tank full of piranhas and set to fall at the push of a button. Make sure this is located so that the stage is in full view of an attic vent. Set a monitor on stage and start playing "Round and Round" and other videos from the "Out of the Cellar" album. They will surely scuttle out of their hiding places and take their seats. Then, just as the tiny rat sized lighters come out, push the button and drop them into the tank of predatory fish. Then watch the water turn red. It would be glorious.

And tell Ningauble I said hi.

Don't relent, don't ease up the pressure. I can sense that total victory is imminent. Now is the time to hit even harder, if that's possible.

Your bravery and cunning has made us proud to be human sort of like you.

I am fighting this war for all of us.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...f_the_gods.jpg
Your women, they are in danger.

The prophecy spoke of a giant hamburger that would come down from the sky and end this conflict to restore order to the galaxy.

This rodent breast fondling must stop!

dem dirty rats better leave our wimin alone.

"Come out and take it, you dirty, yellow-bellied rat, or I'll give it to you through the door!"

Oh please oh Holy Giant Hamburger, save us from this doom!

bastards................

bastards i say.........

I shall wear their tails dangling from my earlobes as cat toys.

I don't know, ring. The rat tail as a fashion statement is very 1986 trailer.

Giant Hamburger's efforts seem "timely" ...maybe the rats are preparing for a party?

(year begins on 2/07/2008)
Chinese New Year

By the Chinese Calendar
2008 is the Year of the Rat,
which is also known by its former name of Wu Zhi


....makes me woozie just thinking about these critters ...our wimin!

as in 'trash' trailer,Tophat?...hmmm...you are on my list now...
unless I have brain farted your meaning...which I do all too frequently
I'm afeered.
Chinese new year always falls close to my birthday...hint hint..
Maybe Giant Hamburger can let us know what form of gatekeeper
awaits the departed souls of the vanquished vermin?

I make no judgment on the quality of the people merely in stating their preferred demesne. They do put the rust in rustic, though.

A pair of rat tails, suitably lacquered would make a stylish Fu-Manchu style false moustache, though, which is an accessory often overlooked by the modern woman.

Feb. 11 ...and from a good year for Cadillac Eldorados and Chevy Impalas, hopefully this will be a BAD! year for rats. Go GH!

Hail Allies!

My harvest of death has so far yielded 14 succulent rats.

Their nocturnal movements, now more covert, may enable them to cheat death for a moment but it is only a matter of time before the bait becomes too delicious. I will eventually smash all of their spines.

My war has many fronts including propaganda
http://www.banksy.co.uk/outdoors/ima...Worthless3.jpg
I will crush the rodent spirit.

They are buried in plastic grocery bags which delays their inexorable ascent to rat heaven for hundreds of years as the bag slowly photodegrades.

I make sure they know this.

"here, ben...here, ben..."

Ok...I had ta..take aim..don't blame ya..

ring, you are one sick puppy...almost as sick as me...

gag me with a Ginzu...soon...somebody has to.

Giant Hamburger...is he organic perhaps?...ya think?

I need to see the menu he orders from.......

GH always orders from the braille menu and makes subtle alterations with a toothpick.

Was the opossum just pretending?

I thought that was the Journeyman.

I am afraid that GH's days are numbered. The rats are upgrading.

Resistance is futile.
http://blog.wired.com/photos/uncateg...in_implant.jpg

I won't post the you tube vid here in case there are some latent rodentofiles in here, but I was thinking about those pacman frogs that eat rats ...just a suggestion, GH. And when they're done with the job, I suspect they taste better than rats.

GH... just tell the ladies of your house that what you need is more snakes!

Is GH MIA?

I imagine he is simply busy marinating and skewering the proceeds,
from his harvest.

I think GH has met his match...

fuckin' eh Charlie......some good stuff there.....nicely done.



how goes the battle GH?


pics?..............gory ones.

probably a good idea GH.........


the ending says it all man.:orly:

Okay....GH...

I don't wanna see your mug on my milk carton anytime soon...
throw us a bone will ya?

The urge to BEG is strong....

hmmm..that sounds kinda like I just gave away a secret...

Hail Citizen Ring, et al.

You are sweet to inquire about me.
I fall off the face of the earth from time to time.
Yet, I still cheat death, as do the rats.
In time, when I am restored to full power the rats will feel my presence.

So shall you all!

I fear that GH will never regain his full power...

Sadly, since his manhood migrated to a jar in his backyard, he has never been the same.

GH,
I've not given up hope. During a recent lunch & learn, I did learn something I will share with you. It might be of some assistance in this grave matter. Since a picture is worth a thousand words and I can't type that fast, see below. Bon appetite:

http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...attoutuile.jpg
http://i59.photobucket.com/albums/g2...0pics2/cuy.jpg

Oh my fuck that looks terrible...

I could go for a giant burger right now though.

Eso,
you know what they say? Don't knock it til you try it. ...count me out, too.

This just in!

The Attic rats are party animals..

http://www.taxidermy4cash.com/rats.jpg

Perhaps there is some profit to be made exporting your herd to Togo...

The rats are taken care of;
their offspring die without them with them.
Did you use poison, perhaps?

ART is an anagram of RAT!

What is GH trying to tell us.

A Nightmare Grub is an anagram for Giant Hamburger.

The enigma (or Grab Enigma Hurt) is truly inscrutable.

http://www.blaglady.com/pile_of_rats.jpg

If you have some extra money, maybe you could enlist the help of the Togo rat hunters GH.

Recognizing that if things continue as they are, it will all be bad, the rats have hired PR firm Hill and Knowlton to give their image a makeover.

Kids love cartoons... so why not?

http://www.mica.edu/comics/images/mickey_rat.jpg

Hail Citizens!

I tried to ignore the rats just as they ignored my traps.
For weeks I dutifully checked all ten in various parts of the attic and found no new victims. It grew tiresome.

So I stopped checking these last two months.
Today I returned to the attic.

8 of the 10 traps had rats.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...urger/4of8.jpg
That is half of my harvest of desiccated death.

The temperature in the attic easily exceeds 100 degrees everday.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v1...er/ratotep.jpg
Its skin was like parchment.

I must teach this new generation of rats a lesson.

You would think seeing a fried member of the family would be deterrent... guess not though.

"You kids be quiet, Aunt Ratty is still sleeping over there."

It's good to see that your battle continues.

I thought you might be interested to hear that the rat invasion continues apace. My company just moved into new offices, in a brand new building and we have just discovered that we have a rat infestation.

We set some cage traps and caught one last weekend.

Sadly I have no photos.

show no mercy GH...........

So far the death toll is 25.5 rats, 1 opossum.
The cephalopods still elude me.
I think there are more rats now then when I started.

The solution:
http://www.vietnamvacations.com.au/photos/Lunch.jpg

Charlatan, I see that picture is from Viet Nam Vacations. I think it might be better to send them on a Holiday in Cambodia.
/ Where the Sun's got so much soul...

How did you manage to kill .5 of a rat?

Officiated it's wedding?

Let it breed?

Put it though a British Boarding School?

Two traps had tails in them which the rats then sensibly gnawed off to escape.

I count that as .5 because it made my post more mysterious and lured you into commenting. Which is a good thing because I have missed you.

I hope this dirty little war of mine does not damage our relationship.

Not a problem.
Friends is friends, business is business.
They knew the risks going in.

v:)v

Sticky traps work better -but are far more cruel. Imagine them chewing off all four paws.

Cats are for mice not rats. Rats will kill and eat a cat that has been locked in with them.

They stay away from anything that smells of rat death. If you must reuse traps clean them thoroughly. Have you found their entry point? Steal wool is best; they can chew through metal screen.

Rats have done costly damaged to my appliances and caused me much aggravation. I hope you can kill them quickly. Remember that their only advantage over you is their sense of smell. They aren't smarter than you and they can't read your mind. The sand bag bunker really isn't necessary. :)

I like their song "Round and Round".

Yeah, but these are attic rats, and that was from Out of the Cellar.
-----Added 24/7/2008 at 10 : 21 : 58-----
This may be true (I believe you), but my cats are pure hell on rats. I had a nest in my shed over the winter (unbeknownst to me) and the cats have been killing them off at a pretty good clip since Spring. On the other hand, having cats to kill rats is kind of like starting backfires - it works, but it's the same sort of evil.

You work for them, don't you? Fess up. Everyone knows that only telepathic genius rats could survive and thrive in the meaty emanations of the Fortress of Burgertude.

But that was the album, not the single. They were clearly in the attic.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=a5gMeXz2YMw

Yeah! Damn straight!

Hail Citizens!

The rats have finally fled in defeat.
It was a combination of snap traps and poison that convinced them to relocate.
I am sure they will return to test my resolve.
They will return and then they will die.

The final death toll:
28.5 rats
1 opossum.
I never did find that cephalopod.

I am still wary that this could be the calm before the storm. My mind conjurs some sort of "chest bursting" scene at the dinner table with blood stained rats pouring out the exploded chest cavities of my loved ones but I will keep my fears to myself for the moment.

Thank you for keeping that fear to yourself. I'm glad that I don't have that image in my mind as I go to lunch...

Did I say that out loud?
http://www.cyberpunkreview.com/images/alien19.jpg

Did you look under your bed?


(PS: if someone can tell me how to upload it, I have a video of the rat we captured in our kitchen at work).