Womanly Humor - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

JadziaDax · 06-10-2003, 04:53 PM

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman says, "I'll miss you."

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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

***********************

He said "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly."

She said, "Well, you succeeded."

***********************

He said, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"

She said, "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

***********************

He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"

She said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."

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Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A. A rumor.

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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine."

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh!

Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hand. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.....
Whoosh....immediately he turned ninety!!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

***********************

A WOMAN"S PERFECT BREAKFAST:

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

sierra2774 · 06-10-2003, 05:58 PM

Put a smile on my face tonight...Those were funny, thanks for sharing.

Xeen · 06-11-2003, 01:27 AM

Always nice to starte the day with a good laugh

Minx · 06-11-2003, 06:22 AM

Oh thank you for the much needed laugh! Those were great....love that fairie!!!!!!

Molly Moon · 06-11-2003, 11:31 AM

Always need to be careful what you wish for... Love those tricky faeries!

Thanks for the laugh Dax - only one I'd seen before was the Breakfast bit.

Atropos4 · 06-13-2003, 07:24 PM

Milk carton ..... very funny

06-10-2003, 04:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
JadziaDax Loser Location: who the fuck cares?	Womanly Humor A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you." ********************* "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. ******************* He said "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you really badly." She said, "Well, you succeeded." ******************* He said, "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?" She said, "That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart." ******************* He said, "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?" She said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror." ******************* Q. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A. A rumor. ******************* One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine." "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma." ******************* A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hand. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger..... Whoosh....immediately he turned ninety!!!! Gotta love that fairy! ********************* A WOMAN"S PERFECT BREAKFAST: She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

06-10-2003, 05:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
sierra2774 Addict Location: Northeast Ohio	Put a smile on my face tonight...Those were funny, thanks for sharing. __________________ "Every tomorrow brings new opportunities, challenges we must address...A chance to affirm all our wishes and dreams, to seek beauty and true happiness."

06-11-2003, 01:27 AM	#3 (permalink)
Xeen Psycho Location: UK	Always nice to starte the day with a good laugh __________________ ~~ Xeen ~~ This court rules that religion must stay 500 yards away from science at all times.

06-11-2003, 06:22 AM	#4 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Oh thank you for the much needed laugh! Those were great....love that fairie!!!!!! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

06-13-2003, 07:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
Atropos4 Think about it Location: North Carolina	Milk carton ..... very funny __________________ Minds are like parachutes. They work better open. "If I were Hermione, I would have licked his pantleg."

06-11-2003, 11:31 AM	#5 (permalink)
Molly Moon Insane Location: Lake Superior	Always need to be careful what you wish for... Love those tricky faeries! Thanks for the laugh Dax - only one I'd seen before was the Breakfast bit.