ariekitten

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I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call.
~Vash, Trigun

>'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

la petite moi

Orgasms really only happen when you relax and are very aroused. You just have to keep trying.

Oh, and you need to be confortable with yourself.

ngdawg

It is quite possible that it's repression that's doing it to you. If you could afford it, I would say try a Tantra counselling. Barring that, before you can get to the point of letting go, you need to unlearn the past. There are several books I'm sure on doing just that if you can't afford outside help. In the meantime, a quick fix would be a glass of wine(don't get buzzed, it dries one out) and some nice warming lube.
The most important thing at the time is, though, to not focus on the big prize, but lose yourself in the joy you're experiencing at the moment-and giving while getting is a way to do that as well.

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Supple Cow

I remember overcoming the repression issue by facing it head-on. I realized that even though I swore I didn't believe that sex before marriage was bad, I still heard the voices of all the people in my family who ever told me that. So I decided that if I believed it, I'd better live it. If I found myself aroused, I would scold myself for thinking unpure thoughts. Whenever I masturbated or had sex, I woulddo the same... "I'm a slut," "I'm going to hell for this," "I'm a worthless human being," "This is dirty and wrong" and all kinds of other nonsense. I mentally dove right into the crap that my family had fed me all those years. Not too long after I started this, it felt utterly stupid and I wanted to laugh at myself - the self that was saying all the cruel things. It took going through the motions and experiencing the pain of saying it to myself for me to understand how ridiculous the notion really was.

It's sort of like being told fire is hot, but not really believing it until you get burned. I don't know that it will work for you, but it's worth a try. Good luck.

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"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
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*Nikki*

I don't think that 10-15 minutes is long. I would say that most times it takes me that long. If you are trying to time it, and not concentrating on the act at hand, it will take you even longer. I have always taken a long time except on certain occasions when I was HIGHLY aroused. I think that what is normal for you is not really what is normal for everyone. In addition, now that I am taking some new meds, sometimes it takes me even longer then that.
My husband knows what is going on though, and he does not mind. I find that a lot of times making the foreplay session EXTRA long really helps cut down the orgasm time.

Lucky Girl

I used to be the same way (meaning the girl who never had an orgasm or masturbated). With the help of my current love, I have overcome both!! I don't orgasm thru sex, only with stimulation. You have to relax and it will happen. Plus having a partner that is willing to listen to your needs and wants always helps. Practice makes perfect!!

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Lucky Girl

JustJess

Yeah, don't worry about not orgasming through intercourse or oral - lots of us don't. They say that statistically, the majority of women are only able to through clitoral stim. And I will often take that long to as well - with or without help - except when things are Very hot and heavy.
And before my current man, I had never had ANYONE be able to give me an O (and considering how many people that was, that's depressing)... but with him, I was so much more comfortable and able to trust him like no one else - that made a HUGE difference. Being able to tell him what I needed without fear, that was just the best thing ever. I can do and be things that I never thought I'd be able to do with him, because I completely am able to trust him and be myself.

Go you. Masturbate more + Worry less = more orgasms and happy pussycats.

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Sweetpea

I was having sex for 2 years before i finally had the big 'O' I was in the exact same situation you are in, i felt very frustrated. I ended up talking to my gyno. about it. And she suggested that i just focus on relaxing and try using a vibrator during sex. (i have the best gyno. i know)

I followed her advice and i started masturbating more, before it would take me a really long time to get to orgasm, now it only takes 5-10 minutes . . . my gyno. explained that the more you masturbate, the more you are 'training' your body and brain to reach full orgasm. Often, i will use a vibrator on my clit when i'm having sex, esp. if he's penetrating me from behind and then i can manage simultaneous orgasms, which has been really great.

So in short, this is a normal issue that allot of women have and may take some time, (i know it did for me) . . . i would suggest you:
~ Get some sex toys/vibes
~ try using sex toys while you're having sex
~masturbate more
~ relax and just let it happen

remember, the more you do it, the faster you will train your body and brain to reach the full orgasm

good luck! and we're here for you!!

Sweetpea

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hunnychile

it took me awhile but it helped that I really truly loved my boyfriend. Unfortunately we never tied the knot. I found later on that I could come if I let go and thought of nothing but pure selfish pleasure and talked like a tramp with the last BF. He liked it and it felt wild and made me cum more easily.

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ariekitten

************

__________________
I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call.
~Vash, Trigun

>'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

Biscuit Buns

Things that worked for me...
1. Make sure you've gone pee. I was always terrified (not really, just more "aware") of an accident before I began having them regularly. Orgasms, not accidents.
2. Talking dirty. I wasn't ever much into talking dirty myself, but just listening to my partner talking can get me off with little else.
3. Experiment with positions and methods. I climax much faster with certain combinations of pressure, stimulation, etc. It was just trial and error. When I found a winning combo, it finally became fun to try to come up with others.
4. Having the proper temperature. I cannot climax if I'm cold, so I try to make sure that the room's comfortably warm or move to a room that is. Obviously this works both ways - hot to cold, cold to hot).
5. Focus more of your attention on the sensations INSIDE of your vagina. The first time I did this I was shocked and in serious doubt that I'd ever really FELT anything down there. I'd been more preoccupied with hands, bodies, noises, etc., that I just wasn't aware of the feeling beyond initial penetration.
6. Contract your lower abs like you're squeezing your entire workings down there (uterus, vaginal canal, etc.). Not sure exactly why, but I think this is simply part of number 5).

I'm sure I could probably go on and on, but like the ladies above have already stated, it's pretty much dependent on your comfort level and ability to "let go." It will cum (har har). All of this might sound insanely silly to you. But hey, it's what works for me and maybe something here will move you a step closer.

Best of luck.

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raeanna74

#5 that Biscuit Buns mentioned seems to be one that affects me a lot. All the other suggestions are really good as well. I have found that position has a lot to do with how quickly I orgasm and how it feels. My most intense orgasms come when I have direct stimulation on the g-spot. I know a lot of people may put too much emphasis on that but it's all a part of knowing your own body. If you haven't found it yet, don't worry, it shouldn't be hard to find. Hook your finger inside your vagina and the fingertip should be close to touching it. It's at the front of your vagina and in my opinion feels a little like corduroy, ridges running side to side. Getting your guy in a position where he's actually hitting it with the tip of his penis can be a GREAT start to getting you on the way to orgasm.

Good Luck girl.

You said you can bring yourself to orgasm. Try playing with yourself more (if you don't do it very often) and perhaps getting to know yourself more will help. Knowing yourself and what things turn you on and what doesn't is the first step in becoming more comfortable in sex.

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Minx

raeanna gives some good advice here. I would suggest masturbating on your own more often. The more comfortable you are with yourself and your sexuality, the more relaxed you will be and you may find you orgasm much quicker.

If you find that you are very clit-sensitive then have your partner rub the tip of his cock on your clit during foreplay. For myself, this really gets me going and I find I am ready to hit the big "O" almost immediately.

Just relax, have fun and forget the clock and how long it takes.

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bad jane

first, don't sell yourself short--orgasms are a big deal. yes, sex can be pleasurable without them--but they are important. when i first started having sex, i thought, well, it's ok if i don't have an orgasm every time. which eventually translated into--he got one every time and i got one...well, virtually never. so then i had to train both my partner and myself to recognize that orgasms are an important part of sex. and sex became much more enjoyable after--i don't have to have a big one every time, but there does have to be some level of climax to the experience. the more often you get them, the more often you want them--that works in reverse too. when i wasn't getting them, sex was ok but the level of pleasure wasn't as intense--and that lowered expectation made it more difficult to really get into it so that i could climax. make sense? it goes with what the gyno with great advice said--the more you have, the more you will have!

there's tons of great advice in this thread regarding getting there, but have you ever orgasmed with a partner? i realize not during sex--but you know your body is capable if your doing it while masturbating, so what about when he stimulates your clit? to me, "letting go" is tied to comfort levels, both with yourself and with your partner. since you orgasm when masturbating, sounds like you are relatively comfy with yourself. try having him get you off using the same methods you use yourself. if it happens, then most likely it's not inhibitions stopping you but just finding the best way to stimulate you. if you can't orgasm that way, then perhaps you need to work on opening yourself up with your partner so that you are comfy just letting go and enjoying the ride

sexymama

Great advice -- and this may have already been said (baby is starting to wake, so I only skimmed.) I suggest masturbating for him so that he can see what gets you off. It will turn him on and teach him at the same time. Also, if you can masturbate in front of him, you can do anything -- so it may make it easier to let go during penetration.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

genuinegirly

I had the same problem. Frustrated the men I was with considerably (even think I lost a boyfriend over it). It is an issue, when guys judge their performance on how much you enjoy it. I mean, it's a noble concept for them to want to please you, but when it doesn't make a difference to the gal, it's just frustrating for all involved.

What it took for me was a guy that I was entirely (and unexpectedly) comfortable with. The feelings that I had for him caught me off guard, and perhaps that is what added enough passion to make it work.

My advice - be patient. Keep trying. It will happen when you couldn't have expected it.

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