Does it bother you to be called a "girl"?
 

This sprung from a thread I started in Coming Together about what it means to "be a man", and how that's different from being a woman. Part of my presumption is that women are less offended by being referred to as "girls" than are men being referred to as "boys".

So here it is, how much does it bother you to be called a "girl"? In your response, it would be helpful if you listed your age, as I suspect this is at least somewhat age related. Please pick the choice that most closely matches how you feel most of the time.

I'm 28, and I voted not at all. Grace, 24, had she been voting would have voted very little, and my sister, 19, said there should be an option for, "I prefer being called a girl; the word "woman" makes me feel old."

I'm 27, and while I notice it when people call me a girl, it doesn't bother me one bit.

I've been called worse.....

At 40 - I notice - -while I probably wouldn't correct someone - because that would be rude.. it bugs the crap out of me..for the same reason I said in the man topic -- No man at above the age of 18 would stand for being called a boy-- why don't women get the same respect.

We've had this conversation here before --i just cant find the topic...

GIrl to me suggests frivolous and immature and someone who doesn't want to grow up.. Women are people who know who and what they are and are happy with that. Women are sexual beings.. Girls -- well -that's kiddie porn.

I don't get why being called a girl - and why calling another woman a girl is OK... It's not - it's demeaning.. Women should celebrate being women and not settle for anything less.

/me puts on her copy of Helen Reddy's I am Woman Hear Me Roar cd - and well - chooses not to burn her bra

I and a couple of my friends greet each other with a "hey, girl!", and mean it in a casual way. In any other context, referring to someone as a girl is making the statement they're behaving in an immature or childish way. Because of that, I have associated a negative use of girl unless I have created another situation such as the greeting as an exception.

It bothers me. I am 41 but it's bothered me ever since I was 17 or so. It has always felt belittling and kind of like I'm being cut off at the knees, so to speak. Why shouldn't I get credit for my time served here in this life? If I'm a "girl" does that mean I count for less? And, if I am a girl, then what are all these female children?

I'm 20 and it bothers me. It also bothers me to be called 'lady' or worse yet 'ma'am'. I'm not young enough to be a girl nor am I old enough to be a lady. I also dislike being called Miss or Mrs. I prefer Ms. - only because Ms. should be like Mr. and be universal regardless of age or maritial status. Yes. I prefer Ms. I really hate it when ppl my age with kids tell their kids to 'watch out for the lady'. That makes me feel very old.

I need to find the 'woman' in me.. this has only just come as a realisation for me today.. after reading the man thread.. :hmm: I have some work to do!

Being upset about a specific word seems pretty silly, but that is not to say I don't notice what word people choose to refer to me. Usually, people who say "girl" mean it in a friendly way as in "she's one of the girls" or when they refer to everyone as "boys" and "girls"... what should bother me about that? I think it's pretty easy to tell when somebody who says it believes that women are inherently inferior. The way they say "girl" opposite "man" and the tone of their voice often belie their condescension.

I like being called a girl and I call my husband my "baby boy" all the time. :D

I'm 20, and I don't mind being called a girl. I even use the word to refer to myself quite often. Biologically, I am female, but that sounds too technical for me. Call me a woman, or a girl, or something connoting my femininity, but don't you dare be condescending about it. Then we'd have a problem.

I guess it really depends on the context. I just turned 20 and Mr. Right Now's room mates tease him about dating someone so much younger than him (five years) and I take notice but I don't let it get to me.

I'm 18, and I think it'd be weirder to call me a lady (really jarring) or woman. Girl is just easier to say thank woman, I think I call everyone who sounds under 25 that.

Not at all. In fact I find it very arrousing for some reason when Loverboy and our fuck buddy call me "lille pige" (=little girl) :o :D

I'm 26. I just don't know that I've "earned" the woman title yet. It still sounds weird in my ears. That being said, I think the connotations of the word have shifted from how mal and squishor see it - for a lot of 20-somethings, it's just a casual way to refer to each other rather than a denotation of level/ability/etc. And of course, condescending tones put all bets off.

I'm 38. I'll take girl over ma'am any day. Unless it's some 16 yo punk talking to me, then he'd better call me ma'am. ;)

ma'am bugs me because even at my advanced age, that is how i would address someone older than I am ...

One of the girls or one of the boys in a casual environment is completely different than in a corporate environment when being referred to as a girl... Sorry, that doesn't fly with me at all... Maybe it's my age, maybe it's because I've been working too long, but dammit, I have earned the title of woman, to me, it is disrespectful to be called a girl - I didn't earn the demotion.

Begin Rant...
For women in their late 20s or older to refer to themselves as girls is a disservice to them -- why not refer to yourselves as a woman - it's what you are- if you don't respect yourself enough to think of yourself that way.. no one else is going to...

I don't mind being called girl. Most of the time I don't even notice, unless it's obviously condicending. Maybe it's because I'm still eighteen, but it doesn't bother me.

Different people call me different things. My mum calls me either woman or girl, but most of my friends calls me a chick. I like chick best, I think, as long as it's friendly.

i'm 22 and it bothers me a little just because i think i look younger because of my height and maybe how i dress. i've tried to dress more mature but i don't know if it works for me. but i'm more often called "lady" and not girl or woman. *shrugs*

I would agree with that. I'm never in any corporate environment, so I guess I do think of using the term girl as something done among friends. Obviously, I'd never go for being addressed as such in a work environment. :eek:

I wouldn't mind in the least if everyone called me a girl until i died :) I like the term and don't mind it at all. Lady or woman works too . .

Sweetpea

Even in the small office where I work, I notice my boss refers to the women in the front office as "girls" but he refers to me as "my assistant" or "my associate." It shouldn't come as any surprise that he has more respect for my capabilities. I think that's what we're trying to point out here - I don't think he's consciously putting them down every time he calls them girls but there's an attitude at the root of the words he chooses. "Girl" was a common way to refer to grown women before the whole feminist thing happened, and a lot of women had to work very hard to open people's eyes to the ingrained double standards in our world. That the 20-somethings of today just shrug it off as irrelevent kind of rubs salt in the wound (nothing personal to anyone here). Because if anyone thinks that they are regarded as highly as someone who gets acknowledged as a grown-up, think again. You are being diminutized and you'd better stay cute or else you might find there are a whole lot of people who won't like you as much anymore. There is still a wage gap between men and women, a real-life indicator of the underlying attitudes I'm talking about. Here are some quick statistics:

http://www.infoplease.com/ipa/A0763170.html

said much better than I have been, Squishor... and absolutely correct...

Well put. Thanks for opening my eyes.


Sweetpea

I'm over thirty, so I take 'girl' as a compliment.
I doubt anyone would use the term to purposely be insulting, at least most of the time.

The term "girl" has political relevance for anyone over 30 years old. I agree with everyone that pointed out that context matters; I call my mother "girl" when we are being silly together. The term is unacceptable in any other setting that is not between good friends.

I also agree that context makes all the difference in the world.

I'm 21 and the the words girl, gal, and chick all bother me to the point where yes, I will correct someone.

I have issues with "girls". When I think of a girl I think of all the negetive qualities I see in today's female (age nonwithstanding), especially the fetishism of items. When I think of a woman, I think of a female who has charge of her own life, and isn't defined by her material possesions, someone who is defined by their mind. I don't like being classified as a "girl" - to me it's almost a slur.

I know it's quite silly for me to get so worked up over a few words, and there are certainly better things to get worked up about in the long run but I really can't seem to help but feel strongly on the issue.

I think it really depends on the situation. For example, I went to pick up some keys at a storage facility for my roomate a little while back. I was waiting in the lobby since the woman I needed to talk to was on the phone, and one of her coworkers walked by and said something like "You know there's a girl out here waiting for you right?" In that situation it did bother me because I felt like they were not taking me seriously as someone there to do any business with them.
However, I'm in rehearsals right now for a show, and the music director is a charming and lively man elderly man who is in his 80's. It is just a part of his personality to call the woman's section "girls" as we rehearse, something like "Hey girls, that sounds great!" and for him it works because you know it's just the way he speaks, and probably has been for the past however many years.

I suppose in a corporate setting I can see how it would be an issue of respect. In my job, the women are paid exactly what the men are, and It really matters not at all to me whether the principal or the other teachers call me girl, woman, or lady, so long as they treat me with the respect I've earned. The students know they damn well better call me Miss Nakamura (Students tend do tend to turn all female titles into Miss unless the teacher is picky about it, and making a fuss about having them call me Mrs. would be opening myself up to problems best left alone), or Ma'am, but nothing else.

Personally, I pronounce Miss and Ms the same (maybe a little more 'm' in 'Ms'). Just saying that maybe they're using 'Ms', and then you really can't nitpick. :p

I am 36, and I said that I would notice but not take offense. Ma'am bothers me more. I am, however, not the kind of person that would say anything to the person calling me ma'am.

no, it doesn't really bother me (although like anything, a wrong implication/context could indeed be bothersome) ... and yes, I'm old ... enough ;)

as long as it's not condescending, i don't mind being called a girl at all. actually, at 21 i still get a little shocked when people call me ma'am or mrs since i think i still look like i'm 12.

i dont mind..i kinda like it actually..but i'm a youngin so ask me when i'm 30

I'm 19, and while I notice when people call me a "girl," I don't really mind. Depends on the context, though.

It might have bothered me before I had kids, but now I know that I refer to myself as "girl", especially when talking to my kids.

I cant say it really bothers me to be called a girl. Truthfully i think often times (or most times) I think of myself as a girl. I am only 21, and I really dont feel ready to age myself enough to call me a women. I guess in the words of Britney Spears "I'm not a girl......not yet a women". :)

I agree that it depends upon the context, but I wouldn't let it bother me in any case. If it was someone I was close to and they were being derogatory, it might piss me off, but that hasn't happened. M'am from a young cute guy would bum me out much more. I'm 36.

I just want to throw a wrench in here and say that maybe the reason more women than men don't mind being called a girl is because 'girl' can be the equivalent of both 'boy' and 'guy'.

I think it all depends on the setting and tone of the speaker. At college there was one Hall Monitor who was a couple years younger than I was but if she disapproved of ANYTHING, (like innocent goofing off but "too" unladylike laughter) and she'd say "GIRLS! You really should be acting more like ladies." in this prissy voice that made me want to smash a pie in her face. Ug

Otherwise I've had girlfriends say "Hey girl. What's up." and such things and it doesn't bother me at all. They're not saying it in a condescending way.

Normally though I get called Ma'am. In fact I've only been carded once in my life. I must just look older than I am. I hope not though.

I'm 25. I think the only thing that bothers me is when people call me "little girl". Usually it's people that are younger than me, when it's annoying. I especially hate being called "hon" by an 18 year old waitress. ;)

It's a little interesting... if a female calls me a girl, it doesn't bother me at all; however, when a male calls me a girl, it seems to irritate me... at least a little. I guess I'm in agreement that as long as it isn't said in a derogatory manner than it's more acceptable.

I bet when I'm 40 I'll appreciate such a word used to describe me. Right now, I want to be a woman. So there.

I'm 22, and would probably be offended more if I were called "woman" than "girl." I'm recently married and can hardly stomach calling my husband a man! I think i'm having a really hard time with the whole "growing up" thing.

Somewhat; I'd notice and be a little annoyed.

but that's becuse i am almost 20 and i can easly pass for fourteen or fifteen.

My boss refers to me as "his girl" all the time but it doesn't bother me at all. I'm 38 so I don't view it as an insult in any way but I could definitely see how someone younger could feel slighted. It gives one the impression (IMO) that you are immature.

As a side note - I much prefer "girl" over Ma'am. Yuck! That just makes me feel ancient!

Funny...when I voted, the first thing that sprang into my mind was a work environment. I most certainly do not appreciate being called girl there (part of it may be due to looking younger than my age, and always having to "realign" people's preconceived notions).

Whenever a male at works calls me "girl", I often respond by calling him "boy" in the exact same tone, which *surprise*, they don't much care for. I say if they don't care for the same treatment, then they should refrain from giving it.

I've been known to respond to "girl" by calling the man a "boy" when responding. Makes them think about it a little more. I've done more in my life than most men I know and to be honest, I don't get "girl" very often from them. But those people who don't know me well are more inclined to use the term and that's where I gently correct them with a "boy" in my response, accompanied by a small grin and a piercing gaze. What bothers me even more are terms of endearment used by strangers "honey", "sweetie", etc. that should be reserved for someone they know or a child. But that's a different topic.

Ha! I just read the previous post! Someone else does the boy thing too! Cool!

it really depends on who's saying it, for me. i Can't Stand when anyone says "woman" or "female" as a one word expletive. i love it when my boyfriend refers to me as "his girl". "girlfriend" is too cheesy, but he's not usually my "man". mostly "my boy".

and i'm so with everyone on the "honey, baby, sweetie" issue. it took me months and a few "girlie" nicknames for my boy to break him of the "honey". we now stick to "babe" which, for me, is a tolerable medium.

i don't care at what age, I don't mind to be called a girl. As long as the person calling me that is in my peer group.

there are more important things to worry about, but i really hate the condescending terms woman or lady.

How exactly is woman condescending? A woman is a grown up girl. an adult, a sexual being. A girl is the complete opposite of that.

You know, I said I wasn't bothered by it but then a waiter in a restaurant kept referring to me and my dining companion as "girls." It did bug me then. I'd rather be called a "lady" in that kind of circumstance. "Ladies" or "ma'am" makes me feel better and more adult than "girl." It makes me feel like I'm sixteen, evidently, when someone calls me "girl."

To be honest, I hate being called woman!!! I know it sounds weird, but I hate it. I hate being called a lady too. Weird!!!!! I prefer to be called girl, but on the other hand, I cant stand when someone says "good girl" to me. :)
I am just not satisfied am I .!!!!!! :crazy:

my feelings exactly. I don't know, woman just seems artificial, and a term to use for the lack of another. usually used towards me by men, or other females in a 'talk down' or condescending manner. Girl, on the other hand is lively, natural and pleasant.

Interesting. This brings up the issue of usage.

When used in the third person, girl or woman bother me not at all.

I don't like any gender specific noun as a form of direct address; I want to be called [Title][Lastname] unless you are a casual aquaintance.

As a pre-nominative modifier, if you must identify a person's sex, I like "female" best.

Good lord, it's just a word. The only time I care is when someone is insulting me.

I know you hate it when people say this... but I have to.. and I don't mean any thing insulting by it.... :icare:

There's a big difference between being called a girl at age 19 -- though you really arent a girl anymore, you are out on your own so you should be referring to yourself as a young woman.. give yourself the respect you are earning. BUT to be called a girl at my age... a lifetime of experience is being taken away from me and it's demeaning. I am not a girl, no one should be mistaking me for a girl. I don't act like a girl, don't call me a girl.

Maybe you won't feel different when you are older, maybe you will...

Words have meaning. Words have power. It's not just a word.

I really don't notice what people refer to me as... Girl, woman, lady, whatever. I figure that it's understood that I'm a woman.

I do take offense on occasion when someone doesn't acknowledge that I'm female. For instance, working with a bunch of men and the manager says, "men, come with me" or what-not. I hate having to clarify. Especially since it tends to annoy them becuase "of course I meant you too!" ::sigh::

depends on the context. from someone in my peer group, used in a casual and friendly way--wouldn't bother me. though i don't think any of my friends use "girl," we tend to say "hey woman" instead *shrug* in this sense, i'd view girl as the female equivalent of guy.

and i don't care what word someone uses, i don't like being talked down to period.

i despise terms of endearment from strangers--hun, sweetie, baby take your pick there are tons available. when someone uses girl in that sense, i will correct them. i get this a lot from people at work (not coworkers, but patients) and i do tell them i'd appreciate it if they called me by my name. i don't refer to them that way, i expect the same respect.

the only time i actually smile when being called girl is when it comes from my dad. not often, but sometimes he'll refer to me as his girl, his little girl or his baby girl and i gotta admit, the child in me loves it :) though generally this occurs during those moments when he reflects back on how much i've grown up. i think it's nice. he respects me as a woman, but in his heart's eye, he will forever see me as his child. to me, it's a bonding phrase.

I am 32, but most of the time I still feel like I am 16. I do not care to be referred to as girl, especially by males. I think my dad sneering "little girl" at me as I was growing up is largely responsible for this. Ma'am and lady are out as well. I do not feel quite old enough to be called ma'am and a lady, to me, is someone who is prim and proper (neither of which describes me). I prefer woman to anything else. Having said all of this, I find myself referring to other women as girls or ladies. I am a full time student atm and I refer to the ladies in my summer class as girls. When I was was working, I called those women ladies. Strange how I use terms for others that I do not care to be used on me.

At the end of the day, girl IS just a word. However, so are the racial slurs that people so carelessly toss around. I believe, like many of the other women here, that the context in which girl is used will determine how a woman reacts to the word.

I love being called a grrl, and have loved being called it my whole life. I've always been the girly grrl. The one in all the pink you see running around the mall. ~luv it~ Thats just me though.
I actually just bought a shirt :D that says 100% grrl. I LUV it.

Well thats my 2 cents.

Thx
~Star~

yes it bothers me.i seemyself as very much a woman-althoughi can act 'girly 'at times. :lol: gues i would need definition to explain better :)

I see nothing wrong with girl. Its better than broad or a few other choice and crude names. Besides, I am a girl..at heart!

my sentiment exactly!! lol i iam very sexual..inthat way i am far from a gurl.lol

I work for a small business run by two women, both in ther sixties. They have a client who just turned 93 years old, and when he calls, he asks if "the girls are in today," and it always makes me smile. In this specific context, and man in his 90s speaking to someone much younger, it seems appropriate and endearing. Besides, what 65 year old woman wouldn't mind being called "girl?"

it only bothers me when other women refer to a bunch of other women as "girls." As in, "Hey girls, look at this." It feels rather condescending.