Need another opinion. . . how far before cheating? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

fallen_angel · 07-22-2003, 09:02 PM

I was wondering how far and what you can do with someone without cheating on your partner. I jsut want honest opinions and i know it is bad to cheat but i would like to know what is ok and what is not and i do know that sex is not ok.

SiN · 07-22-2003, 09:47 PM

hmm...and this needs to be asked several times?

(btw, the proper other forum (because perhaps in here and 'out there' is ok...to bet both perspectives, but i could be totally wrong..) would have been tilted sexuality, NoT GD)

now, i'm gonna, in here, answer your question with another -

why do you wanna kno?

you cheating? or wondering if your SO is/did?

(if you say just curious, i dunno if i'll believe you. i smell ulterior motive..)

lafemmefatale · 07-22-2003, 10:04 PM

asides from actually having sex with another person, if you feel that you have to gain the acceptance and support of other ppl or feel reluctant and uneasy before confronting your partner...you're probably cheating to some extent [not YOU perse, but anyone].

*Nikki* · 07-23-2003, 04:59 AM

Anything that you do without your S.O. having knowledge of it and it involves another man/woman.......it is cheating.

Lieing=cheating.

cheerios · 07-23-2003, 06:35 AM

If you know your SO would be hurt by it, it's cheating.

Better to be honest and break up w/ sxomeone then hurt them like that.

Minx · 07-23-2003, 07:44 AM

If it is anything you wouldn't consider doing if your SO was watching, then it's obviously wrong.
And, I agree with cheerios....if you are in this situation or thinking of it - it's not fair to hurt the person you are with. Best to end it before anyone gets hurt by it.

shannon · 07-23-2003, 08:17 AM

i'd agree with the anything your SO doesn't know about. my SO and i don't really mind kissing other people, cause when we started dating we were pretty well each others first kiss. we figured that we should allow each other to kiss others, because otherwise we may end up married for like 20 years and wonder then what it's like to kiss other people, which would be more confusing then just being a bit open when young in the relationship. but if my SO kissed another girl and didn't tell me, then i'd be really hurt, cause if we're going to be open we should at least be open about it, you know? too many opens. anyways, i'm sure you get the idea.

Peutetre · 07-23-2003, 03:56 PM

Everyone defines cheating differently. In my opinion the best way to figure out your limits is to discuss them with your SO. I really don't think anyone else can define cheating for you since everyone has different tolerence levels. Basically though, you just need to do what makes you happy.

cheerios · 07-24-2003, 03:53 AM

aah the voice of wisdom arrives. best answer yet, in my opinion, Peutetre. welcome back, btw, haven't seen ya in awhile!

Pandabear · 07-26-2003, 10:07 PM

cheating starts with the heart...your thoughts....in your mind

angela146 · 07-27-2003, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peutetre
Everyone defines cheating differently. In my opinion the best way to figure out your limits is to discuss them with your SO. I really don't think anyone else can define cheating for you since everyone has different tolerence levels. Basically though, you just need to do what makes you happy.

Ask your SO, "How far would you *like* to be able to go with another woman before I would consider it cheating..."

That should start an interesting discussion.

SiN · 07-28-2003, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by angela146
Ask your SO, "How far would you *like* to be able to go with another woman before I would consider it cheating..."

That should start an interesting discussion.

woah..that is an interesting perspective.

i may have to ponder that a bit...

angela146 · 07-28-2003, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SiN
woah..that is an interesting perspective.

i may have to ponder that a bit...

Yes... By starting with his boundaries rather than yours, you are likely to get a less restrictive answer.

Then the real question is: "Well, would it be OK for *me* to go that far?"

StormBerlin · 07-28-2003, 09:22 PM

I think anything you aren't willing to tell to your partner is cheating. Expecially is it's something that you flat out lie about. A relationship is about trust and if you violate that trust by not being completely honest, that's cheating.

Steffi · 08-02-2003, 07:02 PM

I agree with cheerios, if it will hurt your SO, then you shouldn't do it. If you're having those thoughts, maybe you and you SO aren't meant to be.

M&M · 08-04-2003, 03:57 PM

Damn, Angel. You have fallen. I saw your post on what's a slut. Now this. The opinions you get here may not help much. The positions are wide and varied, and you have no way of really knowing what type of person is giving them. My advise. Find someone you respect; who seems to you to have it togather, and ask them for a little direction. The most balanced and together people in the world use emulation as a way of building healthy habits and a healthy personallity. I'm no moralist. Wild-some-bitch in my day. I say live life the way you want, but find out what you want. Good luck.

galaxygirl · 08-04-2003, 04:03 PM

I'm firmly in the "if you can't tell your SO about it, then it's cheating" camping. Trust and honesty are two cornerstones of my relationship with i8one2.

I also think discussing limits with your SO is is a great idea.

o2real · 08-04-2003, 08:24 PM

I wouldn't want my man to lust after another woman...let alone go and do things with her. Would you want him to go make out with someone else when that someone else really should be you?

anti fishstick · 08-04-2003, 10:54 PM

Quote:

Yes... By starting with his boundaries rather than yours, you are likely to get a less restrictive answer.

Then the real question is: "Well, would it be OK for *me* to go that far?"

haha. nice standard there. i'd LIKE to go as far as meeting new people.. boy OR girl. and hang out with them platonically. but i'm a one-on-one kinda gal. so my bf doesn't like it when i hang out with other guys. which is lame. then he says i need to meet a hot bi girl so he can be that much closer to his threesome fantasy. hah. gotta love him

h2g2Fan · 08-08-2003, 01:09 AM

I have a penis where all my brains are and cannot read, therefore I've been dealt with accordingly.

txgirl · 08-09-2003, 05:13 PM

Obviously if you are in a position to consider such a thing, there is something that you seem to be lacking in this relationship of yours. You may want to leave that relationship prior to doing anything drastic because the guilt or whatever may be too overbearing...on your behalf and his...but hey...it's only an opinion...

Peutetre · 08-11-2003, 09:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by txgirl
Obviously if you are in a position to consider such a thing, there is something that you seem to be lacking in this relationship of yours. You may want to leave that relationship prior to doing anything drastic because the guilt or whatever may be too overbearing...on your behalf and his...but hey...it's only an opinion...

Hmm... I'm not sure what you are getting at.. but .. not every relationship has to fit in a set mold. Some people just aren't happy with 'traditional' relationships. Nothing wrong with that.. just a different way of life than yours....

Mel · 08-20-2003, 08:09 PM

Anything sexual you do with someone else that you wouldn't want to tell your boyfriend/husband about.. cause you know it is cheating

just think about it next time if you will tell him/her or not

rosie21 · 09-06-2003, 06:01 PM

Ladyhawke · 09-07-2003, 06:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Peutetre
Everyone defines cheating differently. In my opinion the best way to figure out your limits is to discuss them with your SO. I really don't think anyone else can define cheating for you since everyone has different tolerence levels. Basically though, you just need to do what makes you happy.

Well put Peutetre...and I fully agree....cause you can justify anything if you want to.

Shyla Loral · 09-16-2003, 12:58 PM

I think just seriously thinking about cheating is cheating, at least in your mind. If you are very attracted to this person, you need to stay away from him/her in order to protect yourself and your relationship. If you hold hands, kiss, etc, I think that's cheating, too.
If you become seriously attracted to someone, unless you have an understanding with you s.o. that there is an open relationship, t hen you need to not do anything about it.

collide · 09-16-2003, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Shyla Loral
I think just seriously thinking about cheating is cheating, at least in your mind. If you are very attracted to this person, you need to stay away from him/her in order to protect yourself and your relationship. If you hold hands, kiss, etc, I think that's cheating, too.
If you become seriously attracted to someone, unless you have an understanding with you s.o. that there is an open relationship, t hen you need to not do anything about it.

Yes, don't make this mistake. Cheating is cheating, and it will save you a lot of heartache if you just follow this advice. Just stay away/avoid this person unless you want to doom your current relationship. It's really, really easy to fall into this trap, as I know from experience.

If it's not a geniunely open relationship and you haven't talked it over, don't get involved, and leave it at that.

raeanna74 · 09-17-2003, 02:13 PM

Ok Dei37 and I have an open relationship to an extent. We swing/swap with other couples. We never do anything without each other at least in the same home and without each other knowing what is going on. We share what went on and how we felt about it after ever time we meet a couple. We don't feel this is cheating because it's a mutual thing and we agree on what is going on. It had taught us to trust each other and forced us to have much more open clearn communication between us.

IF either one of us were to go off and have sexual relations with another person or even get physical (kissing, petting) with another person without telling each other about it later we would consider it cheating. Now we both scope out women on the street and flirt openly with others when we're together or not. That is the part that you need to discuss with your significant other. If you wouldn't appreciate him doing it then I would suggest you shouldn't do it.

07-22-2003, 09:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
fallen_angel Psycho Location: Somewhere between the Havens and the Earth	Need another opinion. . . how far before cheating? I was wondering how far and what you can do with someone without cheating on your partner. I jsut want honest opinions and i know it is bad to cheat but i would like to know what is ok and what is not and i do know that sex is not ok. __________________ from the Havens I have fallen. . . to the earth as a mangled form. . . writhing in pain, my wings torn and bloodied. . . I have one purpose, only one goal. . . to find you and love you, for I am your. . . fallen angel

07-22-2003, 09:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
SiN strangelove Location: ...more here than there...	hmm...and this needs to be asked several times? (btw, the proper other forum (because perhaps in here and 'out there' is ok...to bet both perspectives, but i could be totally wrong..) would have been tilted sexuality, NoT GD) now, i'm gonna, in here, answer your question with another - why do you wanna kno? you cheating? or wondering if your SO is/did? (if you say just curious, i dunno if i'll believe you. i smell ulterior motive..) __________________ - + - ° GiRLie GeeK ° - + - ° 01110010011011110110111101110100001000000110110101100101 Therell be days/When Ill stray/I may appear to be/Constantly out of reach/I give in to sin/Because I like to practise what I preach

07-22-2003, 10:04 PM	#3 (permalink)
lafemmefatale Insane Location: Vancouver	asides from actually having sex with another person, if you feel that you have to gain the acceptance and support of other ppl or feel reluctant and uneasy before confronting your partner...you're probably cheating to some extent [not YOU perse, but anyone]. __________________ -poor is the man whose pleasure depends on the permission of another-

07-23-2003, 07:44 AM	#6 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	If it is anything you wouldn't consider doing if your SO was watching, then it's obviously wrong. And, I agree with cheerios....if you are in this situation or thinking of it - it's not fair to hurt the person you are with. Best to end it before anyone gets hurt by it. __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!

07-28-2003, 09:22 PM	#14 (permalink)
StormBerlin Happy as a hippo Location: Southern California	I think anything you aren't willing to tell to your partner is cheating. Expecially is it's something that you flat out lie about. A relationship is about trust and if you violate that trust by not being completely honest, that's cheating. __________________ "if anal sex could get a girl pregnant i'd be tits deep in child support" Arcane

07-23-2003, 04:59 AM	#4 (permalink)
Nikki ~~~~~~~ Location: Charleston, SC	Anything that you do without your S.O. having knowledge of it and it involves another man/woman.......it is cheating. Lieing=cheating.

07-23-2003, 06:35 AM	#5 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	If you know your SO would be hurt by it, it's cheating. Better to be honest and break up w/ sxomeone then hurt them like that.

07-23-2003, 08:17 AM	#7 (permalink)
shannon Psycho Location: Canada	i'd agree with the anything your SO doesn't know about. my SO and i don't really mind kissing other people, cause when we started dating we were pretty well each others first kiss. we figured that we should allow each other to kiss others, because otherwise we may end up married for like 20 years and wonder then what it's like to kiss other people, which would be more confusing then just being a bit open when young in the relationship. but if my SO kissed another girl and didn't tell me, then i'd be really hurt, cause if we're going to be open we should at least be open about it, you know? too many opens. anyways, i'm sure you get the idea.

07-23-2003, 03:56 PM	#8 (permalink)
Peutetre Tilted	Everyone defines cheating differently. In my opinion the best way to figure out your limits is to discuss them with your SO. I really don't think anyone else can define cheating for you since everyone has different tolerence levels. Basically though, you just need to do what makes you happy.

07-24-2003, 03:53 AM	#9 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	aah the voice of wisdom arrives. best answer yet, in my opinion, Peutetre. welcome back, btw, haven't seen ya in awhile!

07-26-2003, 10:07 PM	#10 (permalink)
Pandabear Upright	cheating starts with the heart...your thoughts....in your mind

08-02-2003, 07:02 PM	#15 (permalink)
Steffi Tilted Location: Somewhere in the middle	I agree with cheerios, if it will hurt your SO, then you shouldn't do it. If you're having those thoughts, maybe you and you SO aren't meant to be.

08-04-2003, 03:57 PM	#16 (permalink)
M&M Upright Location: texas	Damn, Angel. You have fallen. I saw your post on what's a slut. Now this. The opinions you get here may not help much. The positions are wide and varied, and you have no way of really knowing what type of person is giving them. My advise. Find someone you respect; who seems to you to have it togather, and ask them for a little direction. The most balanced and together people in the world use emulation as a way of building healthy habits and a healthy personallity. I'm no moralist. Wild-some-bitch in my day. I say live life the way you want, but find out what you want. Good luck. Last edited by M&M; 08-04-2003 at 04:01 PM..

08-04-2003, 04:03 PM	#17 (permalink)
galaxygirl Insane Location: NH	I'm firmly in the "if you can't tell your SO about it, then it's cheating" camping. Trust and honesty are two cornerstones of my relationship with i8one2. I also think discussing limits with your SO is is a great idea. __________________ Drawing strength from His acceptance, offering all that I am and ever will be

08-04-2003, 08:24 PM	#18 (permalink)
o2real Upright	I wouldn't want my man to lust after another woman...let alone go and do things with her. Would you want him to go make out with someone else when that someone else really should be you?

09-06-2003, 06:01 PM	#24 (permalink)
rosie21 Tilted	.. Last edited by rosie21; 05-21-2007 at 01:16 PM..

08-08-2003, 01:09 AM	#20 (permalink)
h2g2Fan Loser Location: University of Maryland at College Park	I have a penis where all my brains are and cannot read, therefore I've been dealt with accordingly. Last edited by JadziaDax; 08-08-2003 at 04:58 AM..

08-09-2003, 05:13 PM	#21 (permalink)
txgirl so many men...so little time. Location: Bellingham	Obviously if you are in a position to consider such a thing, there is something that you seem to be lacking in this relationship of yours. You may want to leave that relationship prior to doing anything drastic because the guilt or whatever may be too overbearing...on your behalf and his...but hey...it's only an opinion...

08-20-2003, 08:09 PM	#23 (permalink)
Mel Tilted Location: Auckland	Anything sexual you do with someone else that you wouldn't want to tell your boyfriend/husband about.. cause you know it is cheating just think about it next time if you will tell him/her or not __________________ And in my darkest moment, fetal and weeping. The moon tells me a secret. My confidant. As full and bright as I am, this light is not my own and A million light reflections pass over me It's source is bright and endless. She resuscitates the hopeless Without her we are lifeless satellites drifting

09-16-2003, 12:58 PM	#26 (permalink)
Shyla Loral Crazy Location: Austin	I think just seriously thinking about cheating is cheating, at least in your mind. If you are very attracted to this person, you need to stay away from him/her in order to protect yourself and your relationship. If you hold hands, kiss, etc, I think that's cheating, too. If you become seriously attracted to someone, unless you have an understanding with you s.o. that there is an open relationship, t hen you need to not do anything about it. __________________ "Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead" Ben Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanac. Meff r0x

09-17-2003, 02:13 PM	#28 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Ok Dei37 and I have an open relationship to an extent. We swing/swap with other couples. We never do anything without each other at least in the same home and without each other knowing what is going on. We share what went on and how we felt about it after ever time we meet a couple. We don't feel this is cheating because it's a mutual thing and we agree on what is going on. It had taught us to trust each other and forced us to have much more open clearn communication between us. IF either one of us were to go off and have sexual relations with another person or even get physical (kissing, petting) with another person without telling each other about it later we would consider it cheating. Now we both scope out women on the street and flirt openly with others when we're together or not. That is the part that you need to discuss with your significant other. If you wouldn't appreciate him doing it then I would suggest you shouldn't do it. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.