He's Just Not That Into You - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

crystalan · 11-25-2009, 01:07 AM

Have any of you ever experienced this feeling of the fact that he's just not that into you? The more you try to reach at him in the relationship, the further/more distant he becomes, until it hurts so much that the only thing left is to break it off? But you don't want to because you're so obsessed with him because you never really had him in the first place? I haven't experienced this feeling in so long, and it's a very hurtful, distraught feeling that has made me feel not good enough, lonely and depressed. It makes me have no trust in relationships or men for that matter. I may have not been in the right stage of my life for dating him, this particular man, but at the same time, this feeling just sucks and makes me feel insignificant and foolish, like I tried to win a prize that was out of reach. What do you think? What have you experienced? Just in a bad mood and need to ramble on about it. Thanks for reading and please give me your input.

Shaindra · 11-30-2009, 06:56 PM

Yep. Been there, done that.

The sucky part is, when you get that way, it's a total turn off. It can even make men feel less attraction for you and ruin what might've grown into a real relationship. In some cases, he really isn't into you and never would be. It's a hard thing to realize that you can't *make* someone love you by trying to be more, do more, love more.

crystalan · 12-01-2009, 07:18 PM

Yeah very true. I feel he did love me, but my constant wanting of him was a big turn-off. In any case, it's been over for a week now, he's dating again, and I'm left with heartache, for a little while. Maybe in a few months I'll feel better, but it hurts now, the one thing I wanted was him, and it's the one thing I don't have anymore. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone though, that's somewhat comforting.

Kaliena · 12-03-2009, 11:11 AM

You're definitely not alone. Those guys really sink into your psyche. For me, I end up writing about them and making them my fictional evil male characters. Sounds slightly obsessive but is fairly theraputic (sp)

CinnamonGirl · 12-03-2009, 11:44 AM

Of course... I'm sure everyone's experienced what you're describing. As I've gotten older, though, I've moved away from obsessing... it's not good for you. If a guy isn't in to me, it's not really his fault, and it's probably not my fault (probably), so I just walk away. Less drama and hurt feelings that way.

Best thing for a breakup? Throw yourself into something else. Work, a hobby, your social life, whatever.

crystalan · 12-03-2009, 07:24 PM

Ah, men and the chaos that comes with dating them. Yeah, I seem to get the idea I'm not alone, more and more. From men, too. We all go through this and that's what makes us stronger individuals. it just sucks being in the midst of it now. I've been grieving a lot lately, which is healthy; the deep sobbing cries that tear your heart apart. But then, it makes me feel less about him, which is a good thing. But thank you to all of you in supporting me with your words of wisdom. The world doesn't seem so cruel after all.

Oh and, yes, I'm a grown woman and I need to take full responsibility of my actions and also take care of me first, and when this situation presents itself again, if I run into this sort of situation again, I will know to walk away from it and move on, just like you said, CinnamonGirl. I will know if it's worth holding on to or not, more so than before. Love my Ladies and Ladies Lounge. <3

Kaliena · 12-09-2009, 07:48 AM

Cryst- Another thing you might want to do is keep a journal and get your feelings out that way. I find that after I journal, it's like emptying my head out and it frees me up to think about other things and move on.

crystalan · 12-11-2009, 10:46 AM

Thanks Kaliena. Honestly, I've tried to write about it but it seems to make me think about him more. And I'm doing a little better now; I've heard it usually takes half the time to get over the relationship as you were in the relationship, so in a few more months I should be a lot better. On a side note, I'm also going to go into therapy, there's some deep rooted trust issues that I have to get over before moving forward, with myself and others.

Kaliena · 12-19-2009, 04:32 PM

Glad to hear you're taking care of yourself Crystalan--therapy is great. I only got to go for a brief period of time but it really was exactly what I needed.

11-25-2009, 01:07 AM	#1 (permalink)
crystalan Upright	He's Just Not That Into You Have any of you ever experienced this feeling of the fact that he's just not that into you? The more you try to reach at him in the relationship, the further/more distant he becomes, until it hurts so much that the only thing left is to break it off? But you don't want to because you're so obsessed with him because you never really had him in the first place? I haven't experienced this feeling in so long, and it's a very hurtful, distraught feeling that has made me feel not good enough, lonely and depressed. It makes me have no trust in relationships or men for that matter. I may have not been in the right stage of my life for dating him, this particular man, but at the same time, this feeling just sucks and makes me feel insignificant and foolish, like I tried to win a prize that was out of reach. What do you think? What have you experienced? Just in a bad mood and need to ramble on about it. Thanks for reading and please give me your input.

11-30-2009, 06:56 PM	#2 (permalink)
Shaindra Psycho Location: Massachusetts	Yep. Been there, done that. The sucky part is, when you get that way, it's a total turn off. It can even make men feel less attraction for you and ruin what might've grown into a real relationship. In some cases, he really isn't into you and never would be. It's a hard thing to realize that you can't make someone love you by trying to be more, do more, love more. __________________ "Never regret something that once made you smile."

12-03-2009, 11:11 AM	#4 (permalink)
Kaliena Crazy Location: Pennsylvania, USA	You're definitely not alone. Those guys really sink into your psyche. For me, I end up writing about them and making them my fictional evil male characters. Sounds slightly obsessive but is fairly theraputic (sp) __________________ ~Beware the waffle~

12-03-2009, 11:44 AM	#5 (permalink)
CinnamonGirl She's Actual Size Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell	Of course... I'm sure everyone's experienced what you're describing. As I've gotten older, though, I've moved away from obsessing... it's not good for you. If a guy isn't in to me, it's not really his fault, and it's probably not my fault (probably), so I just walk away. Less drama and hurt feelings that way. Best thing for a breakup? Throw yourself into something else. Work, a hobby, your social life, whatever. __________________ "...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world." "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

12-09-2009, 07:48 AM	#7 (permalink)
Kaliena Crazy Location: Pennsylvania, USA	Cryst- Another thing you might want to do is keep a journal and get your feelings out that way. I find that after I journal, it's like emptying my head out and it frees me up to think about other things and move on. __________________ ~Beware the waffle~

12-01-2009, 07:18 PM	#3 (permalink)
crystalan Upright	Yeah very true. I feel he did love me, but my constant wanting of him was a big turn-off. In any case, it's been over for a week now, he's dating again, and I'm left with heartache, for a little while. Maybe in a few months I'll feel better, but it hurts now, the one thing I wanted was him, and it's the one thing I don't have anymore. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone though, that's somewhat comforting.

12-03-2009, 07:24 PM	#6 (permalink)
crystalan Upright	Ah, men and the chaos that comes with dating them. Yeah, I seem to get the idea I'm not alone, more and more. From men, too. We all go through this and that's what makes us stronger individuals. it just sucks being in the midst of it now. I've been grieving a lot lately, which is healthy; the deep sobbing cries that tear your heart apart. But then, it makes me feel less about him, which is a good thing. But thank you to all of you in supporting me with your words of wisdom. The world doesn't seem so cruel after all. Oh and, yes, I'm a grown woman and I need to take full responsibility of my actions and also take care of me first, and when this situation presents itself again, if I run into this sort of situation again, I will know to walk away from it and move on, just like you said, CinnamonGirl. I will know if it's worth holding on to or not, more so than before. Love my Ladies and Ladies Lounge. <3

12-11-2009, 10:46 AM	#8 (permalink)
crystalan Upright	Thanks Kaliena. Honestly, I've tried to write about it but it seems to make me think about him more. And I'm doing a little better now; I've heard it usually takes half the time to get over the relationship as you were in the relationship, so in a few more months I should be a lot better. On a side note, I'm also going to go into therapy, there's some deep rooted trust issues that I have to get over before moving forward, with myself and others.

12-19-2009, 04:32 PM	#9 (permalink)
Kaliena Crazy Location: Pennsylvania, USA	Glad to hear you're taking care of yourself Crystalan--therapy is great. I only got to go for a brief period of time but it really was exactly what I needed. __________________ ~Beware the waffle~